And then there were three.
You know you're witnessing a riveting episode of "The Bachelorette" when none of the members in your watch party are settling on the same name to shout out as ABC makes their viewers wait anxiously for Emily's final two choices. (Seriously ... I could have churned butter in the amount of time it took her to voice her decision.) There were equal parts "SEAN" and "ARIE" recommendations versus the obvious "ONE F JEF" vote, compared to the dark horse "HARRISON" nomination muttered secretly under someone's breath on the end of the couch. I found myself rocking back and forth in eager anticipation. You gotta love the fantasy suite week! Emily has the opportunity to forgo her individual room to stay as a couple! And that's not the only thing she forwent ...
Emily chooses to forgo most conversations with Arie
Talking is for amateurs. Why have a conversation about the future when you can make out all day long on a boat? Or while swimming with dolphins? Or as you walk along the beach? Or back on the boat again? According to Emily, it's THAT good. Sure the crafty editing would have viewers believe that she's looking for more in a potential husband and father than minty fresh breath and a talented tongue, but when it comes to the hot race car driver's make out skills compared to the non-emotional live Ken doll ... hot will always trump plastic.
What's there to forgo with Jef?
I understand that One F Jef is marching to the beat of his own drum, but you have to respect and admire the guy for owning it! He asks thoughtful questions that are genuine. "Would I be a good dad in your opinion?" or "Where do you think we'd live?" Dare I say his moments with Emily are the closest we've ever seen to normal, non-scripted footage? I can see them having a future together. He'd paddle her around on a stand up surfboard and she'd let him borrow her hairspray and Frizz-Ease. He'd teach Little Ricki to skate and she'd braid his bangs when the wind got too crazy. Clearly, it's a match made in heaven.
Emily chose to forgo the typical fantasy suite date card
Knowing that she had a little girl watching at home, Emily played the fantasy suite date card nicely. Sean hinted that he would like to continue their night as Emily quickly reminded him that he would have to leave and she would get to spend the night alone in the "fantasy suite" decorated exactly like a suburban model home from 1987. One F Jef turned the tables on Emily and told her he respected her and their families too much to take her up on the forgo offer. She LOVED it and drug him along to the pimped out treehouse anyway. Again, she let him know that he had to leave at a decent hour by refusing to even remove her shoes while perched on the day bed. Finally, Emily didn't trust herself enough to even go in the vicinity of the fantasy suite with Arie. The invitation remained tucked under her dinner plate. It's a shame all those rose petals on the bed were wasted.
Emily forgoes all discernment when choosing her rose ceremony wardrobe
This had to be the worst ensemble in the history of Emily's reign as bachelorette. It was an interesting mixture of bus boy at uncle's Italian restaurant tank on top meets the funkiest skirt made of aluminum can remnants as seen in Alexander McQueen's spring runway. To complete the look, she chose a sleek pony tail and wooden jewelry. Note: her white tank top was more masculine than the darling one Ryan wore a few episodes ago. And is it just me or did Emily choose to NOT forgo the opportunity to get a discount boob job in Curacao?
Emily decides to forgo Sean as a viable candidate
I know everyone says this, but I predicted that Sean was going to get the boot. Emily seemed to pull away from him in the swimming pool and she only went in for the kiss with her lips puckered. I wouldn't think anything of it if I didn't have such a confident grasp on her making out technique from the countless hours we've been subjected to while watching her and Arie kiss around the entire globe. Sean got the crap fantasy suite and the lame date. Really Emily? You're going to drop the fairest boy of them all on an island with no vegetation or party tent to shade his delicate skin? Here's hoping the ABC Intern remembered the SPF.
Sean just seemed very clinical. I believe he had true feelings for Emily and probably struggles with showcasing emotions, but everything seemed a little too rehearsed. He even had to write out "I love you" disguised in a letter to Little Ricki. I think he handled the exit with as much dignity as he could muster after they forced him to stuff his large, handsome body into what was essentially a clown car. Bonus points that he didn't cry. Yet again, the lack of emotion was his probable downfall.
Next week, Our Host Chris Harrison pours gasoline on the "Men Tell All" fire. Chris will talk about his embarrassing exit and new gig on "The Bachelor Pad"; Sean will be a gracious participant in the hot seat. Fingers are crossed that En Fuego Roberto will be announced as the next bachelor. And Ryan will finally get the opportunity to explain his weird tank top.
What did you think? Did the right guy go home? Who will Emily choose? Or will she choose anyone? Sound off in the comments section.
"The Bachelorette" airs on Mondays at 8 p.m. ET on ABC.
To read the entire recap of last night's episode, feel free to visit www.iHateGreenBeans.com.
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