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Linda Durnell

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7 Habits That Can Hurt You

Posted: 05/18/2012 7:50 am

When we realize our life is not working -- financial hardships, abuse, unfriendliness, weight gain, bad relationship and/or an unfulfilling job -- there are a few habits we can let go of to change our reality immediately. Change is swift and permanent when we choose to make certain mental, spiritual and physical adjustments. The hardest part is being comfortable with change. To let go of the habits we created is difficult, but the rewards of creating new and positive habits can be life-changing.

The seven habits that can hurt you:

The Habit of LYING

A lie does not become truth if you say it enough. A lie does not become truth if you say it louder. Little white lies are never little to the person being lied to. Lies can eventually begin to erode your self-esteem and those relationships based on truth and honesty.

Choose this instead: truth. The day we stop lying and start speaking the truth, we will feel a change. Speak the truth, no matter what. Our only hope of becoming a better person is by adopting the habit of speaking the truth.

The Habit of FEAR

Fear can be so ingrained as a habit that even a loud sound can produce the adrenaline of the flight or fight response. Adrenaline can create a great deal of emotional and physical stress within the body, and when left unchecked, it can reduce your ability to handle the small problems, which occur throughout the day.

Choose this instead: Fear and faith cannot coexist, so choose one consciously. Do not spend your thoughts on anticipating trouble; thoughts create your reality.

The Habit of Living in CHAOS

Chaos is created in the mind when we fill our lives with noise and drama. I believe our environments can program us to perform certain behaviors and if you find yourself with someone or somewhere that adds chaos and unpredictability to your life, change your environment and/or the person you are with.

Choose this instead: Silence in place of constant noise, creates a space for us to release the stress that causes this habit. Try living with the concept of "less is more." Enjoy less stress by choosing less chaotic activity, less TV, less Internet usage and fewer "drama queens."

The Habit of SELF ABUSE

Self-harm is always something we can learn to control. Why do we treat ourselves harsher and more critically than our worst enemies would? Do your anger and your blame take center stage in your life? Are you living it over and over again?

Choose this instead: Heal yourself and let this story go. Change your environment because changing your scenery can help a bad habit become less tempting and available. Limit your interactions with people who encourage your bad habit. Surround yourself with people who love you and who will teach you to love yourself. What is more important than love?

The Habit of FAILURE

All who achieve expects failure, but when it becomes a habit, you have stopped learning from what came before and have started expecting failure as a way of life.

Choose this instead: Failure is necessary before we can begin again.

Failure is nothing to be feared... what you should fear is giving up or aiming too low. Laughter, true laughter, not a joke to demean, is guaranteed to change your mental state in the midst of experiencing failure. Seek out laughter. Start again.

The Habit of WORRY

Worrying about what may never happen -- the place/car may crash, bad things will happen to our children, someone will hurt me and/or I will be taken advantage of -- can lead to unwise decisions because they are based on fear. Worry is caused by this anxiety, and it can lead to unhappiness.

Choose this instead: Be in the moment when you can clearly see you are safe. Learn to control your fears so you can make better decisions. Filling the void left by your old habit with a more positive activity can help you avoid falling back into your old habit.

The Habit of WHEN MORE IS NOT ENOUGH

Resist being driven toward having more: more technology, food, money, and relationships. This behavior can lead us toward isolation and superficial status in all areas of our lives.

Choose this instead: Focus on being more, not having more. Replace this habit with something new and positive in your life: beauty, community closeness and compassion. Become undisturbed by loss and gain. Unclench your heart and allow it to breathe with peace and the knowing that you have enough.

Be fearless in your efforts to let go of limiting and unhealthy habits. Remember to be patient, as habits take time to release. And lastly, replace your old habit with something new that shows you and the world who you really are!

For more by Linda Durnell, click here.

For more on mindfulness, click here.

 

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When we realize our life is not working -- financial hardships, abuse, unfriendliness, weight gain, bad relationship and/or an unfulfilling job -- there are a few habits we can let go of to change our...
When we realize our life is not working -- financial hardships, abuse, unfriendliness, weight gain, bad relationship and/or an unfulfilling job -- there are a few habits we can let go of to change our...
 
 
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metalsmithgirl71
Just say NO to GMO's!
07:38 PM on 05/22/2012
Great article! One to save to look back on. Thanks for sharing.
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Linda Durnell
05:32 PM on 05/23/2012
Thanks for the comment!
02:16 PM on 05/22/2012
These are all character traits that should be avoided, however, I never really viewed them as "habits" I suppose they kind of are though. I think that self-harm is the worst, and I think that almost everyone is guilty of that at some point or another. Great post, thanks for sharing.
personal injury lawyer
01:35 PM on 05/22/2012
Another interesting exercise that can encourage self-knowledge and actualization is to, at the top of an 81/2x11 sheet of paper, write the words: "I am..." Then write 25 descriptions of yourself. Most people start with their name. From there on the descriptions become more and more telling as the order of the descriptions and how one identifies with one's own self ("I am a social person") or through external effort ("I am an electrical engineer") or through others ("I am Tom's wife and Susie's mother.") Many people are seriously challenged to find 25 descriptions of themselves. Try it and then analyze it to learn how authentically you are living as your own person.
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Linda Durnell
05:28 PM on 05/23/2012
Good idea....will try it. Thanks for the comment!
12:11 PM on 05/22/2012
this is a great article...one I'm saving to look back on. Chaos is such a big one...when there is silence one is always trying to find something to fill it...instead of just being..in it.
11:33 AM on 05/22/2012
I'd change the Habit of Lying to something more specific, like LYING TO YOURSELF. The worst thing in the world is living in denial...
06:02 PM on 05/22/2012
Can we send this to Obama?!?!?
06:03 PM on 05/22/2012
Guess not!
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bobshu7
10:36 AM on 05/22/2012
I agree we should live in the moment and be grateful for what we already have.To survive we require food,water and air any thing beyond that is iceing on the cake.God Bless this world and the people in it.
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fhmjam
09:40 AM on 05/22/2012
Use to have about 7, 437 vices; down to maybe 2 now. But if it wasn't for coffee, cigarettes, vitamins and rolaids, I wouldn't be here today (just kidding)- and I turn 63 in July!!
11:52 AM on 05/22/2012
Yaaaaayyy for you!! Happy early birthday!! :o)
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Linda Durnell
05:31 PM on 05/23/2012
Well done! And an early happy birthday wish....
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Roses
In a gentle way, you can shake the world.
03:02 PM on 05/19/2012
The best advice I ever got was from a friend who told me to be aware, really aware, of your surroundings at least once a day. Note and tell someone about the beauty you saw at least once a day. And be conscious of your breaths, at least once a day.
Takes away worries and helps me calm down.
I've told my husband, a worrier for a long time. He has incorporated it into his exercise.
07:41 PM on 05/19/2012
Beautiful, thanks for sharing. It's called "living in the now".
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Linda Durnell
05:06 PM on 05/21/2012
Well said and well done. To help someone live in a more peaceful and conscious way is a true gift.
12:21 PM on 05/19/2012
The Habit of LYING
--
Saul Alinsky: Rules for Radicals

"An organizer working in and for an open society is in an ideological dilemma to begin with, he does not have a fixed truth -- truth to him is relative and changing; everything to him is relative and changing.... To the extent that he is free from the shackles of dogma, he can respond to the realities of the widely different situations...." pp.10-11
garystartswithg
el sueno de la razon produce republicans
01:03 PM on 05/19/2012
you are really grasping at straws. the tea party manifestos fit -- birtherism, etc -- all habits of lying. you are comparing apples to xylophones bringing in alinsky.
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Mike Ruland
01:06 PM on 05/19/2012
The best measure of intelligence may be older than the dinosaurs: adaptability. Being free from the shackles of dogma isn't lying. Flexibility isn't lying. Belief with a capital "B" on the other hand facilitates deception because inflexibility by definition can't keep up with changing conditions. Change is the constant.
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Nic the wonder puppy
When life throws lemons, throw them back
12:21 PM on 05/19/2012
# 8 not getting a dog
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11:52 AM on 05/19/2012
The Habit of WHEN MORE IS NOT ENOUGH.........tell that to the CEO's and top 2%

Actually, my motto says it all:
Some is good,
More is better,
Too much is not enough
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Linda Durnell
05:17 PM on 05/21/2012
If you are talking about love, kindness and compassion...then "too much is not enough" definitely applies!! Thanks for your comment.
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CollectiveNotIndividual
09:06 AM on 05/19/2012
Another bad habit Americans have is envy. Always talking about "the 1%" or "government employees retiring at age 48" or "the rich". Do you folks realize that Americans are so addicted to debt that the bottom 69% of Americans have a negative net worth. So if you have no debt and just $100 in your checking account you have more wealth than the bottom 70% of Americans combined !!!
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09:22 AM on 05/19/2012
Another bad habit is trumpeting the wealthy and ignoring the inequity of this society.
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Linda Durnell
05:14 PM on 05/21/2012
Yes, being unconscious (unaware) creates its own drama. Seeing the truth can be difficult, but change cannot happen until we look truth square in the eye.
09:49 AM on 05/19/2012
Another bad habit is deliberately misunderstanding something to trumpet your own talking points, no matter how misguided and erroneous they might be.
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02:40 AM on 05/20/2012
Man, you're a barrel of fun