Our culture does not recognize that feeling safe is a crucial ingredient to really good sex. In fact, with the porn model of sex, which is the prevailing way men (and women who want to please them) learn about sexual practices, the opposite is assumed: that good sex is risky...

The winter solstice (Dec. 21 in the Northern Hemisphere) is one of the most important celestial events of the year, and it has always been a festival of lights in every culture. In ancient times, people knew that winter would be hard, so they found a way to feel hope...

I saw the Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones movie Hope Springs the day after it opened and I was surprised at the filled theatre on a summer Saturday afternoon. The average age of audience was on the older side of the spectrum, but not exclusively. Several conversations with my...

There are many things that can be said about the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon. I have been asked by people to explain why women readers find this trilogy so HOT. I have spent 28 years working in the field of sex therapy listening to women talk about what they...

I have just returned from Peru and there is so much to share about my two weeks in this incredibly beautiful country. However, what I really want to write about is a bit of what I learned about their cosmologies. Our first week was spent in a protected rainforest reserve,...

May Day is my favorite time of year, not only because it's close to my birthday, but also because it is the season when all of nature is making love. Millennia ago the Hieros Gamos, or sacred marriage, was enacted during Beltane, which is the Celtic name for May Day....

The title of this blog is from the shaman of the Toltec culture. Their view of Western women is that the feminine has been so repressed that is has created a tragic loss: women's sexual energy pathways are like a broken vessel. Orgasmic energy is dissipated, much like an earthen...

We are living in very interesting times for relationships, where many of the old constraints supporting fidelity do not work and committed partners feel the pressure for better sex. There has been an active debate in my field about the causes and cures of boredom in the bedroom and the...

Most of us recognize that there is something better about vacation sex -- perhaps because it may be more frequent or more fun. Some would say it is because we are away from home in an exotic (or just different) location. Do you remember those promises made to each other...

We have arrived at the most compelling reason to pursue and practice spiritual sex: the magical elements. It is level III of spiritual sex and the least understood yet most interesting aspect of sexuality. When I speak of magic, I mean something more than the phrase "it was magic" one...

Let's face it, telling the truth about your sexual experience to your partner is daunting, especially when it goes beyond "it was wonderful, honey" or some version of that accolade. This blog is not about the "how was that for you" discussions after sex. Most people have gotten the...

Being in Rio was a huge turn on. It is a very sexy city. I loved the openness of the people and the city has a backdrop of spectacular mountains and stunning vegetation. The music is their special brand of sensual and it's easy to enjoy yourself in this atmosphere....

Most people eat a substantial dinner at 6 p.m. or after--even as late as 8 or 9 p.m. Then they sit down to watch television or a movie, or work or play at their computers. Some may watch the news before bed and then attempt to sleep. If I were...

I want to offer my heartfelt wishes for a truly joyous holiday season and an abundant New Year. We a coming up to an important point in the solar calendar; all over the Northern Hemisphere the Winter Solstice is a festival of light as we honor the longest night of...

One of the most enduring scenarios that I see is couples locked in a Your Way/My Way stalemate. It can play out in many areas of their lives, but here's an example with sex. One partner (not always the man) is keeping count and angry because he or she does...

In the previous blog, I explored the first energy center and healing the cultural wounds that have bound us to negative beliefs about sexual pleasure. This blog is about the second energy center and the healing of relational wounding from our families of origin. Great sex is not simply a...

Sexual energy is the life force moving through the whole body and when it flows easily, it energizes all energy centers. However, sexual energy can get stuck, particularly if the heart center is afflicted. When someone relates to sex addictively, it is often because of significant blocks or leaks in...

Most of us love weddings because they are an affirmation of love not only of two people but the love of family and an affirmation of community as well. I just returned from the south of France where my family was privileged to share the festivities of a country wedding...

I want to thank you, again, for all your comments. Two posts relate to themes that I'd like to mention. The first has to do with the regrettable fact that some relationships that start out with such promise do end because the individuals grow apart. I will be offering some...

Many of you have expressed appreciation for this topic of spiritual sex and I'll share one quote from an email: "So rare do you hear people talking about the *truth* of sex, the beautiful, deeper, connections that can be made that go so beyond physical contact . . ."...