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Linda E. Savage Headshot

What is Sexy?

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Being in Rio was a huge turn on. It is a very sexy city. I loved the openness of the people and the city has a backdrop of spectacular mountains and stunning vegetation. The music is their special brand of sensual and it's easy to enjoy yourself in this atmosphere. Brazilians really do know how to enjoy themselves. At their beaches I had the opportunity to appreciate the wide variety of beautiful people. I became very interested in just how varied different cultures are in their concepts of ideal body types.

What is sexy in Rio is strong legs and butts; and what I think of as 'LA skinny' is not. Whereas breast augmentation has become a national obsession in our country, very few women in Brazil would consider doing it. My daughter, who is living there, said this was very freeing for her. The women in Rio consistently wore skimpy bikinis on the beach--young and old. Grandmothers with rounded stomachs, mothers with children and extra baby weight, and all sizes and shapes let it all hang out at the beach. No topless however.

One of the most consistent dilemmas that gets in the way of good sex is internal beliefs about body image. Specifically, how one perceives one's sexiness based on self perception. Not feeling attractive is a major factor in the desire to have sex with a partner or not. This issue comes up on a daily basis in my office. Everything from feeling fat, having baby stretch marks, sagging breasts, middle-age waists, and more, interrupt the possibility of women even thinking about engaging sexually with someone. For men, the body image issue is generally growing with the fitness market and of course, men have always been concerned about the size of their genitals.

When we are caught up in the throes of courting and new sexual experience, we may feel shy about our bodies, but the overwhelming swept away feeling of passion tends to propel us into sexual encounters. But the ugly specter of how we look to others becomes a much bigger deal after relationships have seasoned a bit.

So that set me to thinking about what is sexy?

I'll start with some thoughts I've had over the years of working with couples.

1) Sexy is feeling good, having energy and time to relax
2) Sexy is loving the interaction with a partner and letting them know it: AKA Flirting
3) Sexy is really appreciating the beauty of your partner--their inner beauty.
4) Sexy is enjoying movement, skin contact, touch, smell, taste--all of it.
5) Sexy is thinking about sensual and sexual moments and finding pleasure in the memory and anticipation.
6) Okay, now it's your turn, fill in the blank: Sexy is __________________

I welcome your comments and we can dialogue about this if you choose--I'll jump in when I can.

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