Any Little (South Carolina) Boy Can Be President? Not a Chance.

The following piece was produced by the Huffington Post's OffTheBus.

Native son Steven Colbert is a gone goslin'. South Carolina Dems couldn't get his name off the primary ballot fast enough. In a 13-3 vote, the Democratic Executive Council rejected a Colbert candidacy. The repercussions -- for the South Carolina Democratic Party in general and the Obama campaign in particular -- are right tawdry.

Online howling commenced with a bang bigger than the first shot fired in the Civil War, which, for those of you who don't know your history, was fired by South Carolina. Bloggers and commentators alike are on us South Carolinians like white on rice. Clearly, they holler, S.C. Democrats are anything but, well, democratic. They blame Obama supporters as the power behind the Democratic/democratic lapse. It's tacky bidness down here, pure and simple.

Inez Tenebaum, former superintendent of education and member of the Obama camp, lobbied to get Colbert's name off the ballot. She said she could not imagine Iowa or New Hampshire "letting a comedian on the ballot." We want to be like them. Don Fowler, longtime S.C pol and former chairman of the DNC, maintains that, while there was some concern among Obama supporters about losses in the young voter demographic, it was not the reason he opposed a Colbert candidacy. He compared Colbert to Nader in 2000 (A bit of a stretch, if you ask me).

Here's the truth as we liberals see it down here in the Palmetto State: Fowler hit the Confederate nail on the head when he said "[South Carolina] would be the laughingstock of America." Council member Lumus Byrd, who voted in favor of Colbert, said we would be exposed to ridicule. All the things we don't like aired in public -- the wrong flag in all the wrong places, lousy schools, our dicey racial history -- would be fodder for Comedy Central and the nation. For a South Carolinian with identity issues (and we sure, Lord, have 'em), a Colbert Candidacy is anything but Comic Relief. We've got problems enough down here; politics is only funny late at night on cable. We Southern Liberals dose up on Jon Stewart, Seven Colbert and Bill Maher like public policy Prozac. They keep us from imploding.

It's not fair to blast S.C. Democrats for political hanky-panky. What we're guilty of is piss-poor political management. In this state Republicans are much better at the machinations of slate-building. They have a built-in filter to ensure candidates are worthy: it costs $25 thousand to get your name on their primary ballot in the first quarter. By the time Steven Colbert threw his clown hat in the ring, the Repub filing fee was a cool $35K. It takes serious bucks to run as a right-winger. Democrats, in true egalitarian fashion, charge only about $2500. Colbert refused to pony up the GOP's asking price. Too much to pay for a satiric candidacy. He's a comic -- not a total fool.

The left would have been the sole loser in the event of a Colbert Comeuppance; in a close primary race a few thousand votes impacts the outcome. Not fair. We're sick of losing down here; it makes us cranky.

And let's face facts. Even if the Right didn't charge out the wazoo, those guys don't have the sense of humor God gave a huntin' dawg. They'd never have lost "real" votes to Colbert. When they vote funny it's because they're laughing -- all the way to the Corporate America Military-Industrial Complex National Bank. And that's the truth(iness).

Comments

[vbond]

That this insanity actually became an issue with the liberal blogosphere is terrifying for our democracy...

I love Stephen Colbert because he brilliantly blurs the lines between reality and unreality in ways that illuminate both.

I'm not sure if I should chuckle or shake with fear when I have observed normal people wonder what he really believes.

But shaking with fear is exactly what I do when Colbert's act breaks the "fourth wall" between the play and the people watching the play.

When he comes down off the murder mystery stage and actually murders audience members, the humor fades fast for me.

Aside from the real-world meddling in a possibly razor-thin South Carolina primary battle, Colbert's adventure in electoral "truthiness" is a spine-chilling harbinger of the political consequences of unreality in our post-digital age (the digital one being the one in which you could reliably tell the difference between digital and not.)

Some have characterized the efforts of sane people to stop this looming carnage of reality - which could have included the atomization of real votes - as an interference with the "democratic process" and the "Democratic (primary) Process."

In the blood-tinged light of the last two real presidential elections in the U.S., this attitude is deeply, deeply creepy.

And for those who gleefully see the Colbert election gambit as an anarchic morality play, the star of which is the truthy, toothy commentator railing at the battlements of a discredited election process... think again.

This crack-in-the-cosmic-egg campaign would only have replaced one procedural orthodoxy - the voting process and, you know, democracy - with another - the infotainment complex, in which "Dumbo" and "dumb war" are amusingly interchangable.

Not funny at all...

[NoDrama]

Fascinating that the two parties have such different entry fees. Thanks for shedding light on that. Incidentally, we may have Al Franken running for Senate here in MN, but then we elected Jesse Ventura, too.

[Tunnelista]

Thanks for letting us know the scoop, Linda. With the writer's strike underway I guess Stephen won't be inviting you onto his show in the forseeable future. You would give that guy (whom I adore) a real run for the money he was unwilling to donate to the Republicans via the filing fee. It's a classic case of campaignus interruptus.

[wizinit]

This is the kind of writing that could make me a regular reader of the the HuffPo. Pure Americana! Congratulations.

[timInChicago]

you kill me Linday, awesome. Colbert would have been about as funny as the Illinois Republican State Committee putting Alan Keyes on the ballot against Obama.

[ButterflyWeed]

Is it too late for Britney Spears to get her name on the Louisiana Bare Bottom ballot? It'd do alot for her CD sales. She'd have the cash on hand to run as a Republican.

Two Obama supporters or not, this seemed to be in the oft-forgotten common sense department. Who'd want castigated for opening the avenue to TV fame and ratings boosts for a fee? The only laughable part of this dilemma was when broadcasters and bloggers had the nerve to complain after it was handled sensibly.

In a time of war, high oil prices, climate change, outsourcing, collapsing infrastructure and a sagging American economy - Colbert should apologize to his home state.

[LynneBH]

Hoo, boy. Tell it, Linda!

As a native South Carolinian now unfortunately living elsewhere, I love hearing authentic Southern expressions (Hollywood ALWAYS gets it wrong) that are so funny on the surface that it takes a minute for the accuracy and intelligence behind the observations to sink in (Hollywood always gets THAT wrong, too). This piece is as tasty as a homemade biscuit with honey...but then it knocks you upside the head with a cast-iron pan.

Truth(iness) indeed...Preach on!