Why My Femi-Friends Won't Vote for Sen. Clinton

Sisterhood's a bitch, isn't it? A friend e-mailed me recently as we wrestled with the vexing feminist question in the race for the Democratic nomination. She asked "am I a bad feminist if I don't vote for Hillary?" I shot back an estrogen-powered fusillade of arguments that began "No! SHE'S a bad feminist because....."

I wasn't always argumentative about this. I support Senator Clinton's policies, by and large, and I think she has been a diligent legislator who's won over unexpected congressional allies. But then came a compelling alternative, a candidate who I believe is more electable and less encumbered. That left me with the sisterhood dilemma: should I back a woman, no matter what? The answer was no, and in this, I was persuaded by two dear friends who, quite unexpectedly, slammed the Senator's feminist cred. Both of these friends influenced me in the biggest decision of my life, whether to have a baby. Now they can say they influenced me on another tough choice I had to make: who I wanted to be my son's first real president, the first he'll remember.

Maureen Dowd wrote in her latest Times column about the F word and speculated that perhaps some women will rally to Senator Clinton's defense in the face of attack, but my two friends are looking elsewhere, to Senator Obama. These women would seem at first glance natural Hillary constituents. They are both Upper West Siders, smart, liberal but sensible, and fervently supportive of other women in their lives and careers. I think of them as more second-wave feminist, though their age group would put them in the third-wave: they are unembarrassed by the word feminist, refreshingly lacking in irony, and earnest. One is Rachel, a Harvard-trained public policy expert; the other I'll call Beth, is a tenacious former journalist.

Beth sees a character issue in the whole Monica mess, and she's one of many I've heard this from. "I know I'm not supposed to judge people's private lives, but her husband did humiliate her repeatedly and publicly and after all these years I still ask, why did she stay with her cheating husband? Because she loves him so much? And that's what we women do, even the most accomplished among us, when we love a man? Or, did she stay with him because Hillary Clinton, the divorcee, didn't have a shot at becoming a Senator never mind a president. Either explanation reflects poorly on her."

This is part of what Rachel said about Senator Clinton. "While I naturally admire any woman who is a trailblazer and has gotten where she has in her career, I do feel like it's only because she was married to Bill that she's there. It's not like other women leaders who I feel got there on their own merits rather than on the coattails of their husbands."

The coattails disturb me, too. It bothers me that she seemed to pretty herself up and changed her name early in the Arkansas years, not to further even her own career, but to advance her husband's. And then I considered the idea of the boss' wife coming in to the workplace to make substantive changes, as Senator Clinton did as a new First Lady. Of course, a First Lady can have enormous power, but it is unelected power and there's a difference between advocacy and making policy, as she tried and failed to do with health care. All part of 35 years of purported unbroken "experience".

Beth and Rachel are not schadenfreude shrews. Beth said "I feel totally disloyal not supporting her... I'm not happy to watch her lose." I personally cringe when people call Senator Clinton a bitch, because as far as I can tell a male bitch is simply a hard-driving man. I'm horrified when people criticize her looks like she's running for America's Next Top Model. But I still don't want her to be the first woman president, one with an imaginary asterisk next to her name. I don't want to explain the whole drama to my son:

"Mommy, so....she's President Clinton. Wasn't there another President Clinton?"

"Yes, Frank, that was her husband."

"Oh. Is that's how she got to be President?"

The answer to me, unavoidably and unfortunately, is yes.

Comments

[JohnCP]

This has become so painfully stupid a presidential contest, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of republican women calling themselves feminists in order to tell us that they will not vote for Hillary because she's a woman, but they will vote for Obama, who, like it or not, would have had to drop out of this contest, if it wasn't for the enormous support he's getting and is happily accepting from between 80 and 95% of Black voters. This percentage would have been at least 20 maybe 25% smaller if he hadn't been Black, and Clinton could have benefitted from the good opinion Blacks had of the Clinton name before Obama and primarily, media, turned the Black population against the Clintons. Half these Black supporters of Obama, are placing considerations of "race" above all other concerns.

[sky2evan]

JohnCP:

You have a short memory, or are being wilfully blind. The black vote was actually supporting Clinton all the way through Iowa and NH... it was only right before SC that it turned to Obama because of the race-baiting remarks.

Blame the Clinton campaign - don't blame blacks.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/10/17/poll.blacks.democrats/index.html

[BrooklynLager]

You do realize that all democratic candidates on the national level have relied on the black vote, don't you? If not for them, you wouldn't have had a democratic president elected since FDR. If not for them, Bill Clinton would have never come anywhere near the White House, and Hillary Clinton would be a former First Lady of Arkansas.

Since you have the magical ability to read their minds, I'm surprised you don't already know this.

[Rockerbabe]

Interesting. The white guys vote for white male candidates in droves; the blacks vote for black candidates in droves, but that doesn't matter and no one questions their intentions. THEY know that sticking together will get them results and so they continue with this strategy; they do not apologize or even try to justify their votes [ie Dubya, Reagan, Nixon, Vernon Jones, Jesse Jackson, etc]. So instead of supporting the most viable female candidate to ever come along, we have EXCUSES and more EXCUSES. She's not this, she's not that, has a husband who may leave something to be desired [as if most of us where not in the same boat], etc. They said the same thing about Elizabeth Dole, Geraldine Ferrero and now Hillary; there is no pleasing these bimbos and cowards; fem-friends like should have been dispensed with long ago.

We women will never get our "due" politically until we stick together and vote as a block for what we want. The men only give us so much and usually just enough to make us go away. Obama is as OhYeah08 has said, smiling, good looking, talks a slick line, good tan, but he is in the end a member of the boy's club and he will do their bidding, especially if he wants anything from them. I highly suspect, however, that McCain is the white boy's real choice in all this mess may prevail as the white boys almost always support "their own". I will not vote for Obama; this maybe the first Presidential election in which I "throw my vote away" - I may just write in Al Gore. So if I have to vote for a boy, then it will be one with credentials that only an ex-President can match or claim. Just remember, he was recently compared to JFK - I liked JFK and so did my father. BUT JFK was a womanizer, he is responsible for the mess in Vietnam and Cuba [for the most part]; inexperience can get you in the end. So unless Hilliary prevails, Al Gore it is.

[AnninCA]

I am so glad I haven't framed questions in this way in over 25 years.

It allows me to just judge based on the person's principles, the platform, and my sense of how well they could execute those plans.

I think it's almost sad that women are still even talking in these terms.

So 70s.

[starboymikey]

I am blind. I obviously don't watch TV and rely on a number of special devices to read and post on the Internet. Is Obama actually black? Is Hillary really a woman?

Geez, I had no idea! Guess I'll have to vote for McCain. But please don't tell me he's a transgendered woman. I'd have to kill myself.

[dlkincaid]

I don't think your friends would have voted for her any way. WELCONE pResident McCain.

[soxnation]

Linda I'm with you all the way.
I was happy to vote for Carter, Mondale/Ferraro, Dukakis happy to vote for Bill twice, etc.

It would be great to have a womman president. It would not be great to have another Clinton presidency.

He did a good job, but he -- and his wife -- shoulder a lot of the blame for the poisonous partisanship that makes Washington a parody of itself. I've seen this movie before ("vast right wing conspiracy," etc.), I have Clinton fatigue.

One more thought: the biggest thing Hillary and Obama have ever run is the same thing: their presidential campaigns. She started with all the advantages. He is beating her. He is running a better, smarter campaign. In the most significant test yet of their leadership and management abilities, she started with the advantage, and he has outmanaged, outled, outsmarted, and outcamapigned her. That has nothing to do with race or sex.

[lindakeenan]

wow this is a spirited bunch. this is the writer of the post, linda 'hater of all women especially hillary' keenan.
couple points i'd like to add. i am very much a self-hating third wave 'feminist'. it is not in my sensibility to be in the woman hear me roar thing. but im glad to have friends my age (and some older ones) who remind me of what came before and what many women still face. so i like to be reminded that supporting women is important to me, which it is. we are so behind other nations in electing women. our record is truly appalling.
that said, i want to make clear that i personally do not judge hillary for staying with her husband. but i know many many many women and some men who are disgusted by what they see as a faustian bargain she has made.
this is not what troubles me. what bothers me is that i do not believe she would be in the position she is in were it not for bill clinton. of course she is impressive. could hillary rodham made it this far? of course. but we only have the path she has taken not the one she could have taken and if she's going to be the first woman president i'd rather it be someone without the history of bill entangled in it. obama appeals to me policy-wise and i believe he will be able to move beyond the rancor of the past. it's not senator clinton's fault that she got saddled with this rancor, but there you go. it's there. why do you think the right wing radio wants her so badly? because they are terrified of a mccain or an obama. who will they be able to trash? and i will surely vote for hillary if she is the nominee. but if i have an alternative, and i do, im going to take it.

[SomewhereInTheMiddle]

your rationale for picking Obama is because you dislike Hillary and hate Bill. Your dislike for Hillary is because she is still married to Bill. On the other hand, we have the youngens out there that like Obama because he is "Cool". I don't blame them because after eight years of the in-articulate and goofy president we have had, anyone that can complete a sentence sounds as inspiring as Jesus. But your excuse is irrational and extremley emotional. I hope you can get over your emotions and move on. I hope you return to the workforce soon when you are ready and contribute to the society. We need more women involved in running our schools, law firms, companies, local governments, courts and of course the congress and the Supreme Court. Women are the majority with minority representation in all three branches of the government.

[lindakeenan]

good grief. i dont hate either of them. i dont want to see the country pulled back in a morass that is old and divisive so yes i support obama. i am not pleased with record in matters feminist but not because of her intimate decisions but rather the fact that she has been swept along with his career. she still has great accomplishments but i'd prefer to see one of our other great female politicians get that shot before her. good to know though how some people still view a mother's role as worthless and parasitical. guess i shouldnt be staying home and bakin' cookies.

[cadbury]

I'm with Breitweiser...Unity ticket in 2008!!

[Jazione]

Chiming in...

I vote with Rachel and "Beth" 100%. They speak for me exactly.
Jane (50 years old)

[BlackandProud]

I have femi-friends of my own.

They are absolutely voting for Hillary. They can't tell you anything about her policies, or her voting history in the senate, but she is a woman...so she gets their vote. It bothers me, but I don't have the energy to keep arguing with them about it.

Typical of this year's democrats.

MSNBC had a poll stating that the two main responses for why republicans will vote for a candidate was: immigration and tax cuts.

Democrats main reasons were: gender (Hillary being a woman), and race (Barack being black). How embarrassing. I thought we were beyond that.

Are democrats so uneducated that we care more about race and gender instead of issues? Can someone explain why we are so fixated on "non-issue" issues?

[Karenina44]

I have been joining into these debates here in immediate reaction to the statements made. After much contemplation, please forgive me for preaching but I feel that I must chime in...

1. Like many of you, I was devastated not only when Bush won the first time, but stunned the American electorate voted him in again. I keep a Bush countdown clock on my desk... 340 days and counting.

2. We have such exceptional choices this time. And from the discourse on these posts, the majority of us have come out strongly in favor of a particular candidate. Our decision is based on gender or race. This bespeaks our freedom of choice. This is not because we are a misogynist or racist. It is simply a choice, and like a woman"s right to choose... it is personal, and should not be dictated or bullied.

3. We need to come together in a unified front... for whoever finally fairly wins this nomination process. Yes, there is going to be enormous disappointment. But I suggest to you to reach back and remember how you felt when Bush was first elected. We cannot passively or resolutely allow the republicans to waltz into office again, on the rabble of our squabbling.

That all being said... vote for your choice. Do not belittle or begrudge another"s right to choose. Let the chips fall where they may... either Clinton or Obama would be exceptional compared to 8 years of the total devastation and blundering of the current administration.

[starboymikey]

MSNBC had a poll stating that the two main responses for why republicans will vote for a candidate was: immigration and tax cuts.

Democrats main reasons were: gender (Hillary being a woman), and race (Barack being black). How embarrassing. I thought we were beyond that.
_____________________________________________

And you believe this MSNBC poll and think that most Democrats are really this shallow? These polls are pure bunk.

[Cestmonavis]

I do not find standing by her man a character flaw and a reason not to vote for her. You have put your own spin on it. I admire her ambition, I admire the fact she wants to be president. I never think of her using his coat tails simply because she is the stronger of the two. My word! what do you want? We'll never see a more qualified women run for president in our life-time. I can't believe you use Maureen Dowd as a guide to your thinking! Vote for Hillary and be proud of it!

[MinuteMan]

>I do not find standing by her man a character flaw and a reason not to vote for her. You have put your own spin on it.

Relationships are a very personal matter and no one is married to the perfect spouse. Unless the relationship is obviously extremely abusive it is up to those in the relationship to make their own value judgments as to the worth of that relationship: it's not a good reason to vote for or against someone based on it.

> We'll never see a more qualified women run for president in our life-time.

I disagree here; there are many very qualified women out there and their number will no doubt continue to increase in your lifetime (unless your life expectancy is rather short).

[Journalista]

I don't see how anyone of us would assume to know or have the right to judge the reasons why any given man stays with any given woman or vice-versa. What is unfortunate is that all this 'left and right' assumption brings about unfounded, misleading and damaging remarks that viciously feed on themselves. There is no end and nearly nothing tabu in what is said. The fact that we are judgmental to this base and disturbing degree does nothing good for our society, and in fact, stifles its growth. As to whether a woman in this day and age, should vote for a woman, yes. Yes, because it will break down barriers and advance this society. Yes, yes, yes because of all the reasons we know so very well - work, pay, promotions, mistreatment... because a male dominated society hinders growth and serves no one well. Not voting for a woman now obviously comes into play only if the candidate is clearly unqualified and means harm to our country. For women to base our vote on gossip, media bias and hype or why/whether a candidate has 'prettied up', is quite self defeating.

[OhYeah08]

Ms. Keenan and her friends are like so many other women and some men. "I'll vote for a women, but not this one [as Mrs McCain say just recently on TV]. . .they said this about Shirley Chisolm, Elizabeth Dole, Geraldine Ferraro and now Hilliary Clinton. There is just no way to please all these needy, backstabbing, mouthy, "I'm an independent feminist woman".
They just don't understand that we haven't progress politically because we don't stick together and vote together, like all the black people are currently doing; which means we get pushed around politically, judicially and now have to endure all the sexism so open and prevealent in the media. AND until all these "independent" women [who conveneniently wall down the paths already trailblazed for them by earlier generations of women], we will always be at the mercy of those male politicans, who in reality are membere of the boys' club and will say or do anything to women to get what they want. If you want real change, they vote for the REAL CHANGE, vote for Hilliary. Barack is just another smiling, tall, good looking man with a slick pickup line and a wife who lets him "pimp" himself out to other women. I bet those who support him now will regret the morninig after; just like all the rest of the one-night stands.

[SomewhereInTheMiddle]

You are right on.
Please read Joe Wilson's column in Baltimore Sun regarding Obama. There is link to it on HuffPost too.
Difference between Bush and Obama on foreign policy:

Bush wants to embrace Pakistan and bomb Iran.
Obama wants to embrace Iran and bomb Pakistan.
and of course McCain wants to bomb, bomb, bomb every one. His solution to illegal immigration is probably going to be let's bomb Mexico so there won't be ANY people who can cross the border.
The bullying will continue if we elect another boy to the White House. Let's change things for a fact and elect a new mind-set to the White House. The good old boys club needs to go under renovation for a while. :)

[clemo]

Wilson is supporting Clinton...

[imjbb]

Just like children of celebrities are more likely to have doors open for them, once they walk through the door they must deliver based on their own merits - or quickly fade away. It's no different with Hillary. If she were simply a former first lady riding her husband's 'coattails' she would not have become a Senator and a viable candidate for the nomination. It's insulting to the millions of Hillary supporters to imply that all her work and accomplishments count for nothing. Women are each others' harshest critics.