THE BLOG
08/28/2014 12:49 pm ET Updated Oct 28, 2014

Job Ideas for the Stay-at-Home Mom

The question comes up frequently: "Are You Working?"

No, I get it; there are a lot of women in the workforce. They're making their own money, getting out of the house, empowering themselves. We've come a long way, baby, and I'm all for it.

But I see the advancement of the women's movement as having afforded us the choice to join the workforce. I don't necessarily see it as a given. That those who went before us have fought long and hard to give women the opportunity to join men out there in the jungle is an amazing thing and something I've taken full advantage of and will again someday.

Just not right now.

I like being there for my kids when they get home from school. Sure, at times it can be tedious, but I've had many jobs that were far more boring. I've got ideas up my sleeve.

The suggestions pour in. "This ice cream is good! You should set up a card table outside the grocery store and sell it." (Um...because they don't already have ice cream in there?) "Good cocktail! You should be a bartender!" (Yep, after I get that back tattoo and a divorce.)

But still I get the question: "Are you working?" Why is that of such concern? Is it the only topic of conversation that springs to mind? Does it bother people that I deign to stay home and waste away in the home environment?

So, in the event I decide to work a second job (Because we all recognize that motherhood is a job, correct?) here are a few ideas I've come up with:

1. Since I love dogs, I could get a van and start my own mobile pet grooming business. I'll call it "Doggie Style."

2. I'll take that person up on the ice cream idea. I'll call it: "I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream When the Cops Show Up Asking For Permits to Sell Ice Cream in Front of a Grocery Store"! It's got a nice ring to it, but signage is gonna be a bitch.

3. There are actually professional closet organizers. Humans, not the kind you find at The Container Store. How do they come by that gig? Is there a college degree for this at the Martha Stewart Academy Of World Order or something? I'm anal retentive as hell. I could do this! I'll call it: "Orgainized Closet DeMystification: A Place for Everything and Everything in Its Place at Your Place (Or Else)."

4. In keeping with the pet theme, I also happen to have quite a bit of experience in the waste removal department. It would be gross, but I could do it. I'll call my business: "You Can't Handle The Poo!"

5. And since I like to dabble in mixology, but don't want to work in a bar, I will tend bar at your home parties. "Shit Faced at Your Place" will mean you, not me, of course. Because I'm nothing, if not a total professional.

Yes, we've come a long way, baby. We can join the workforce, bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and we can choose to stay home, take care of the kids, the homestead and start an internet porn business on the side.

It would be even more amazing if we could all support each other in whatever path we chose without the suggestion that women who don't work outside the home either don't work or could be working more. We need to stick together and appreciate what each and every one of us brings to the table.

Even if it is dinner.

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