This is Not My Feminism

I recently celebrated my 27th birthday. Despite becoming ever more aware that I will soon no longer qualify as an official Young Feminist, I joined a friend -- and an audience that included many excited teenagers -- in attending The Veronicas concert in Hollywood. I find these 20-something sisters to be a whimsical outlet in dealing with heartache, heartbreak, and the drama of growing up "girl." Plus, it rocks my world that Lisa marched in my fair City of West Hollywood to protest the California Supreme Court decision upholding Proposition 8. Their concert was the ideal way to celebrate my new year.

The Pretty Reckless opened for The Veronicas. Led by Taylor Momsen -- best known as "Jenny Humphrey" on Gossip Girl -- this band was well-received by young women in the audience. Momsen's lyrics about "manipulative boyfriends" and "being bad" struck a resonant chord with many in attendance. Her Courtney Love-esque style was bold and daring. The finger-gun was a common motif throughout her performance. It appeared she was singing a language that the teenage audience spoke fluently.

Admittedly, I had difficulty facing the reality that teenage girls could relate so well to Momsen's angst. I grew up in a fairly sheltered environment, privileged to attend private schools and protected from many of the experiences of abuse that young women often face. My high school relationships were violence-free, and I had the uncanny self-confidence to avoid "manipulative boyfriends." I am sure some of my friends struggled through physical violence in high school relationships, but silence also comes with privilege. (Cue Rihanna and Chris Brown.)

When members of Hollywood High School's Young Feminist Club talk with me about dating violence in their high school experience, my heart breaks. They identified unhealthy relationships as the number one issue that young women face. In one conversation, some students said they could relate to global problems like self-immolation because they had friends who began cutting their own bodies to escape the pain of emotional abuse.

I am sure my inability to personally relate to these extreme realities accounts for my profound disturbance in discovering that Taylor Momsen is only 15 years old. Pictured as she was that evening, Ms. Momsen marched around stage in a lacy red slip, revealing the strings on her panties. I felt completely ancient.

I was horrified at my realization that our culture not only encouraged this package but also sold it as young feminism personified. The "empowered" 15-year old female can belt risque lyrics, flaunt racy lingerie, and flirt with suicide to be sexy and appealing. While I had read Ariel Levy's Feminist Chauvinist Pigs, it was altogether different to consciously witness teenagers buy into this "sex-is-power" model.

But this is not my feminism.

The feminist movement seeks to advance and empower women. While we strive for equality, we recognize that focusing on sexuality as a means to empowerment misses the mark entirely, reducing women to our body parts instead of embracing our personhood. We realize that it is a patriarchal culture that encourages women to seek empowerment and independence through sexual appeal in service to men.

There is no question that young women struggle to find our own voices amidst conflicting messages about feminine sexuality from our culture. Once the mantra of the feminist movement, sexual liberation lost its thread, making way for the Momsen image instead of focusing on our ability to own, respect, and love our bodies for our own enjoyment. Young women have an especially difficult time being comfortable in our ever-changing physical forms. Feminism gives young women the opportunity to develop and mature in a climate free from judgment or shame about their sexuality and without the requirement for men's approval.

Every young woman explores and (hopefully) comes to embrace her sexuality in her own way. Perhaps Momsen herself walks off-stage, takes off the makeup, loses the lingerie, and hangs up the whole act for her next tour stop while enjoying her youth. But her image -- emotional torture as glamorous; self-worth defined by sexual desirability; and manipulative behavior as the height of empowerment -- continues to pervade our culture. It is likely that Momsen has not considered her ability or desire to be a role model, and I am not interested in making her one. I am equally uninterested in chastising her for behavior manufactured by a patriarchal culture. What does interest me is the ability for young women to be agents of their own destiny -- in control of their bodies for their own success and satisfaction.

Young women in high school have better things to do than hope someone will ask them to be his/her girlfriend. Maybe it is prudish of me to think that 15-year-olds should not be publicly dancing in lingerie. I admit that I too may be "out of touch" with an emerging generation defined by sexual prowess. Perhaps these are just the thoughts I will continue to have as I approach the end of "young" in my feminism. But I hope that I will not lose my opportunity to connect with young women in high school because I believe that they deserve better than Taylor Momsen as an example of empowerment and independence.

Comments

[AndrewEAC]

Lindsey, I commend you for another engaging and honest article. As a man I cannot fully understand the challenging environment it is for a young woman to grow up in such a dynamic culture and society. However, what I am curious to understand is the generational relationships that seem to have pushed/pulled the feminist movement in different directions. I clearly do not have the answers, yet I hope society can find the best methods to empower woman in rapidly evolving -- and often frightening -- world.

[jamescomm]

Lindsey, thank you so much for your article. I am both a staunch feminist and the mother of a 16 year old daughter. i witness the sexualization of our young women daily. I see that "putting out" has become the measure of a teen woman's worth in our culture, and it saddens me greatly.
I urge you to take your thoughts and writings to a broader audience, especially to the audience that faces these issues.
Sure, we are the "older feminists," but as such, we do have our wisdom to contribute. We are responsible to guide our young women. They are caught up in pop culture, and are in need of guidance and information that comes from other, healthier sources.
I thank you, as well, for something rarely seen. Your article was not written from a hetero-normative perspective. You included gay relationships in your phrase "his/her girlfriend." That has an important impact on youth (and adults) who see few images of the queer community, especially those who may be struggling with their own sexuality.
Ms. Jamie Romano
Speaker and Trainer
James Communications

[dicarloa]

I am 28, but I remember distinctly what it was like to be 15 years old - and to feel very adult. I don't want to become the sort of feminist, or the sort of person for that matter, who becomes overly maternalistic towards young women and young adults. And I think it really sells these young women and young adults short to write them off as over-sexualized or confused or somehow conditioned by an over-sexed media and culture. 15 year olds are young adults - and yes, adolescence has changed in the past 15 years. But to divide, to establish a complete distinction between "us" and "them" and to call "them" so affected by media and culture (as if we aren't?) is to take away their agency as young adults. I wish that instead of calling this "their" scene, and thinking that because we might not be able to understand it that it MUST be meaningless or somehow less meaningful than "our" scene is really not the kind of feminism we want to create. As Lindsey says, " It appeared she was singing a language that the teenage audience spoke fluently." - this is important. I'm scared that instead of learning from the history of the feminist movement, we are somehow reproducing these divisions of young/old feminism, and I have to echo Zoe in a call to "ditch" these identities and instead begin to listen to each other - free of judgement..

[CatFace2275]

Something about this whole story/situation just makes me a little sad. I'm definitely a supporter of freedom of speech and expression. And it's great that this talented young girl is out there singing and making music....

However, why does she find it necessary to be wearing next to nothing and yelling about difficult boys and relationships? I know that when I was 15 years old this is not at all something I would have been wearing. And I know that those were not the issues on my mind. It just seems like young girls are growing up so fast. Is dressing in a tiny slip and singing about abusive relationships part of growing up now?

[e8y8]

I don't understand how this sleaziness relates to feminism at all. I think it detracts from the innovators and the women who are making a difference.

As a male, I have no respect for girls of any age that flaunt or use sexuality. I work with and hire people based on skill sets and performance. This girl is clearly not achieving either by behaving this way.

I really feel that the best way for women to become empowered is to develop new products and services that move the market. This creates capital, resolves wage discrepancies, and generates lobbying power for women. Somehow this screaming 15 year old girl doesn't seem to be adjusting our GDP anytime soon.

[Bayjh]

Well said, Lindsey.

While nearly thirty years older than you are now, I came from a high school and home environment that respected young women and insisted that we respect ourselves. We came from a culture where fathers and brothers valued women.

So, Dads and Brothers...where are you? Speak up for your Daughters and Sisters! Lesser men will follow you, to their betterment and that of our societies.

[ErinMatson]

I remember leading a workshop titled "It's My Midriff, So Sue Me!" at the National NOW Conference and Young Feminist Summit in Albany (2006). Designed to facilitate an intergenerational discussion on the politics of fashion and differing views on self-expression, the workshop was popular and contentious at once. For instance, we heard from another panelist (also young) who talked on and on about her high heel collection - she loved it, and it was empowering to her. An attendee of the workshop (much older) launched into a "young women just don't understand" discussion and said those heels made her a target for rape and violence when walking around at night with her mobility severely restricted by her beloved heels. I left convinced that we have a lot of talking left to do between women and girls of all ages seeking personal, family, community and professional empowerment - we have hugely different interpretations of what that means, particularly with regard to how we present ourselves.

What's next, in my opinion, is proactively continuing these discussions - focused on listening and mutual respect, even when we disagree. This issue isn't going away. It's going to get scarier. Think of all the young women who may happen to have racy pictures on Facebook today, when they will be seeking job positions and/or leadership roles in their communities tomorrow. I sure as hell don't want to see a racy teenage outfit choice excluding any woman from a movement fighting for her justice and equality.

[Reinita]

I have mixed feelings about this... First, I would like to say that I don't condone this type of behavior among young girls or would even label this as "feminism" but coming from a past that includes depression, desperation, and an inner dark/ rebellious spirit, in my personal experience I felt that this was the only option to be "Counter-culture," from the norms that I grew up with, that included promiscuity, anger, and self- destruction that occurred at the vulnerable age of 15. Like many girls who are trying to figure out who they are, becoming tired of what the family's image of the "good daughter" had to be, or depressed from a relationship that had gone awry after putting on that facade of the "good girl," it felt like becoming this incorrigible, wild, and destructive teen, destructive against ourselves and society, felt "liberating" as it gave the false impression of "toughness, invisibility, and power," a power to do away with people, making them feel the same overbearing pain that consumed our minds. And "sex sells" even at the young age of 15, so to those young and vulnerable girls out there who want to be edgy unfortunately this is their inspiration to rebel against family and society.

[Kessei]

I'm of a similar age to the OP. I cannot think of any high school relationship I knew which was not marked by some form of abuse, whether emotional, physical, sexual, or psychological. I've come to the conclusion that high school students simply should not have sexual or serious romantic relationships with other people; they should spend the time getting to know their own bodies, learning their likes and dislikes. When they're older, they can hit the ground running, and be less likely to fall into the sort of abusive situations which, among many of my friends, have marred their relationships, self-esteem, and sex lives for over a decade. The after-effects of abuse are long-term.

The thought seems to be now, though, that a woman is only "empowered" in so far as she's using her sexuality to snare a male partner. There's a glamorization of prostitution, stripping, and other sex work, and I hear women speak of how "liberating" it is. This is the message our teen girls are hearing.

We're not "empowered" by a single ability to attract one, rather limited, form of male attention. It's not very "liberating" to march to another's drum.

Somewhere in the effort to tell women it's wonderful for them to enjoy sex and have fulfilling sex lives the message has been thoroughly corrupted.

[WellTheresThat]

Let's not forget how MILFs and Courgars have entered the public conscience, continuing the trend of embracing psuedo-positive sexuality to purportedly empower women. Really? When did this happen?

[OnlinewithZoe]

My feminism includes ditching these age identities. YOUNG feminst - OLD feminist It has to go. Here is a prime example - when a 27 year old is wiser than almost anyone in the movement and she is categorized as, Young Feminist. I don't want my opinion to be dismissed as Old Feminist. But this clearly is a story about a 15 year old who has no idea what is a real feminist.

[Micelle Horner]

Seems to me women are still celebrating the rebellious break from the ideology of being demonized for being sexual (even if that meant showing an ankle!). I agree with your argument because, as a "not-young­-but-not-o­ld" feminist, I'm also starting to have a more motherly concern vs. a peer concern for these younger girls. Times of transition are gray: are we more empowered because we cover up....is this even a question of gender or more that of class?