iPhone app iPad app Android phone app Android tablet app More

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors
Lisa Belkin

GET UPDATES FROM Lisa Belkin
 

Little League Dads Brawl In Georgia, And Other Bad Parenting Examples

Posted: 07/10/2012 11:20 am

I watched the video of fathers brawling at a Georgia Little League game -- including the part where two Dads were taken off in handcuffs and charged with disorderly conduct -- and I thought, with a tad too much self-congratulation, "you don't see that kind of thing at Academic Challenge..." (VIDEO BELOW)

Then I looked at the front page of the New York Times today.

No, there were no parents throwing punches during the scandalous incident at Manhattan's Stuyvesant High School, which is among the most prestigious public schools in the country. Technically there were no parents directly involved when 70 students exchanged text messages with answers during a state Regents exam. But there might as well have been.

The message sent to the 12-year-olds on the field at Britt David Park in Columbus was that winning matters so much it is worth fighting over.

I'm betting that is the same message that the 16-year-old Stuyvesant students were sent over the years.

And they are not the only ones. As Times reporter Al Baker wrote:

The revelations that dozens of Stuyvesant students had cheated on tests not considered particularly challenging for them were the latest example of the competitive pressures inside top schools. In December, officials uncovered widespread cheating on an English final exam by students at a well-regarded school outside Houston; hundreds of students were believed to be involved, and 60 were disciplined. An SAT cheating scandal on Long Island last year, in which test takers used fake IDs to impersonate other students, led to nationwide changes in the way college admissions exams are administered.

Where do those pressures come from? It is too easy to only blame parents. A perfect storm of factors has made the road to college increasingly competitive and cutthroat. It is harder to get in than at any time in history, and with the lackluster economy that degree seems to matter more. But it is too easy to let parents off the hook completely, too.

Baker quotes Benjman Koatz, a June graduate of Stuyvesant (he is headed to Brown in the fall) as saying "there is an incentive there, especially since most of the students come from families where the goal is 'Ivy League school or bust'; you either go to an Ivy League school or you haven't lived up to your potential."

So while we can't solve this at home, we have to start there -- by sending the message that grades are not everything, and a college name is not as important as a college education, and that we are proud of effort not scores, and trophies are nice, but so is the very fact of playing the championship game.

On the Little League video you can hear the voices of kids calling to their parents, "Dad, stop it, come on, let's go home." And you can hear adults warning, "there's kids out here, kids are watching."

Yes. They are.

 
 
 

Follow Lisa Belkin on Twitter: www.twitter.com/lisabelkin

FOLLOW PARENTS
I watched the video of fathers brawling at a Georgia Little League game -- including the part where two Dads were taken off in handcuffs and charged with disorderly conduct -- and I thought, with a t...
I watched the video of fathers brawling at a Georgia Little League game -- including the part where two Dads were taken off in handcuffs and charged with disorderly conduct -- and I thought, with a t...
 
 
  • Comments
  • 146
  • Pending Comments
  • 0
  • View FAQ
Comments are closed for this entry
View All
Favorites
Bloggers
Recency  | 
Popularity
Page: 1 2 3 4 5  Next ›  Last »  (5 total)
11:54 PM on 07/12/2012
Dating after divorce isn't always easy. I’m divorced, father of two, and have been out of the dating game for many years. Finding prospective dates seems difficult. I have children so I want to meet someone who has children too and understand my feelings. My friend John is the same way. Now we are in our 40s. I find myself in an awkward state. I feel so lonely but I don’t know how to meet women. John told me a site ------ http://divorceemeet.com ------. It is a focused dating site for divorced singles. John met his 30-year-old girlfriend there. If you're officially divorced, single and ready to get going, I would encourage you to deep your toe in the water. Just take a second chance at love. You might find what you are looking for.

Apparently they intend to make a little change on the steller example of parenting by the fathers of the Little League players. Maybe they intend to donate proceeds to spruce up the fields, you know, lemons to lemonade type thing. It can't be that the fathers are embarrassed by their diplomacy failures.
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
01:22 AM on 07/12/2012
So the Columbus Ledger-Enquirer has taken the video down due to a copyright claim. Apparently they intend to make a little change on the steller example of parenting by the fathers of the Little League players. Maybe they intend to donate proceeds to spruce up the fields, you know, lemons to lemonade type thing. It can't be that the fathers are embarrassed by their diplomacy failures.
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
05:41 PM on 07/11/2012
It is so good to see fathers take an active interest in their children's lives. Besides the bonding they have with the kids they are teaching them valuable life lessons. It is times like these that I am so proud to be an American.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Brianne DeRosa
04:20 PM on 07/11/2012
It's all part of a growing trend towards divorcing ourselves from taking real responsibility for our actions. Kids aren't made to confront their wrongdoings anymore; they're not forced to make amends and be accountable; and neither are their parents. Somehow these stellar specimens thought it would be okay to start a brawl, because they figured on some level that they would not be held accountable. How much do you want to bet there was a lot of "he threw the first punch," "I wouldn't have had to do it if he hadn't said ____," and other diverting nonsense like that coming out of the mouths of these parents later? Same goes for the cheating kids. "Everybody else is doing it" and "I wouldn't have to cheat if _______" are probably the first lines of defense for them. I always tell my boys, even though they're still in preschool: "Stop and think. Can you control what your friend does? No. You can only control what YOU choose to do." Amazing how such a small, simple concept has been obliterated in society.
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Louie Rey
03:51 PM on 07/11/2012
What kind of "sportsmanship" can anyone honestly expect from these kids once they grow up? It's a GAME for Christ's sake! Everyone wants to win but that's the problem with this self-esteem crap that exists in all phases of our educational system. Instead of everyone having that kumbaya feeling the kids should be taught that in life there are winners AND losers. You just have to deal with the hand you've been dealt and go from there. If they continue to be coddled then they're in for a rude awakening, some of which won't be able to handle as they get older.
08:08 PM on 07/11/2012
I agree with you 100%!
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Louie Rey
09:35 AM on 07/12/2012
Thanks but am I really saying something that earth shaking? No! I'm just stating the truth. I may be extrapolating this is little too far but when these kids grow up, after having been told throughout their childhood that everybody's a winner, when they actually DO fail at work or play or whatever, some may react in a violent manner. You know like, "Hey, I've ALWAYS succeeded and now you're telling me that I'm not good enough or that I can't have this job? Screw you!" And it goes from there. I think it's very simple to get that point across while they're young. All you have to do is cite the fact that professional athletes compete in their respective sports to determine the winner and there's only ONE at the end of the season. Is that so hard to get across. I think that that would only make them strive harder but instead, regardless of the level of ability or accomplishment, they're told how great they are and it's good enough. That's too bad.
08:39 PM on 07/12/2012
Life to Louie is a zero sum game, how sad. You never learned that the point of competition is not winning; the point of competition is to do ones best. Fools that wish to be controlled by corporate theocracy, buy into the winners/ losers paradigm. It justifies their existence and selfish behavior. Enjoy your life of competition, not for the joy of doing ones best, but to beat the opponent, however and win. I wish you enlightenment.
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Louie Rey
10:00 AM on 07/13/2012
I don't get you. You seem to be deriding my comment yet you also seem to agree with it. I know all about competition. You strive to schieve whatever the goal is but not everyone gets to the pinnacle. However, as long as you do your best then that's the point. And how does "corporate theocracy" enter the picture? We're talking sports here, or at least I am anyway. The original story was about parents getting into an altercation at a little league game. You don't have a problem with the kind of influence that might have on those kids? Time to get off the soapbox.
12:57 PM on 07/11/2012
I coached a travel team of thirteen year old's. In the middle of the game my pitcher got hurt,I put my 3rd baseman on the mound,and told a player on the bench to go to third.He told me that sucks I aint playing there. I looked at him and told him he isn't playing at all. I'm watching my pitcher warm up and hear something going on behind me. would you believe the father of the kid I benched was charging the field and attacked me.And this is a guy trying to get on the police force in are town.I coached kids in baseball for many years and quit coaching because of parents not the kids.
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
01:31 AM on 07/12/2012
Years ago a friend asked me to help him coach, it was a great experience for me in the 60's. I quit when I saw a mother hand a lug wrench to her son and tell him to clock the pitcher that had struck him out 3 times. Amazing.
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Barbara Cleveland
Southerners & white guys are liberals too.
09:41 AM on 07/11/2012
I was born in Columbus, GA, and my brother played Little League there in the late 1960's (I well remember being dragged along to games and practices). As I recall, there were always unhappy parents in the bleachers murmuring and nudging one another re 'unfairness' in the games. The difference between then and now is that it never went beyond that. The outcome of the game (fair calls or not) was simply not as important as maintaining public civility and good sportsmanship.
08:41 AM on 07/11/2012
Dear Children,

It is not OK to cheat, it is not OK to lie, it is not OK to steal. God won't try to stop you, you may never get caught, but you will know. If you are able to sooth your conscience with ill gotten accomplishment, you are a sociopath, which is a mental abberation. And the day may come when you will regret any evil you have done to others, most likely when you have suffered from evil done to you.

If you do good for others it will make you feel good. That is a fact. Try it. See for yourself. It is how we are wired. It makes the sky bluer and sunsets more beautiful and kittens cuter. Really.
photo
CSR-921
A House Divided Will Fall
09:42 AM on 07/11/2012
Very, very nice posting! I wish there were more like you! I am your new fan.
10:34 AM on 07/11/2012
And who are these children learning from? Your posting should say, "Dear Adults" instead.
08:26 AM on 07/12/2012
I'm hoping they will grow up. But since I am still a child inside it is also addressed to me! I have to remind myself sometimes why i want to be good and do good to others.
ThatsTheTheWayItIs
religion, ideology, partisanship are delusional
08:28 AM on 07/11/2012
Baseball is so boring that the fans get restless and start fights. It's why there is more violence in the summer. No sports to watch except baseball :-)
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Gwens
Well done is better than well said."
11:07 AM on 07/11/2012
That’s not why people fight at ball games. Parents need to teach their kids and themselves evidently that it is a game first and foremost and they should teach their kids that winning is not everything if you have to cheat or be a bad sport about it.
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
01:35 AM on 07/12/2012
If you are a bad sport, you Are a loser.
barbara jay
my kid says hi
06:31 AM on 07/19/2012
Soccer is not a boring sport to watch, but several other countries have seen plenty of violence, as soon as the game is over.
ThatsTheTheWayItIs
religion, ideology, partisanship are delusional
08:21 AM on 07/11/2012
The problem is fans, not those actually competing. Don't tell competitors to try less hard.
Fans living vicariously through their kids or home teams need to get a life.
And get some exercise yourself, get rid of that pent-up aggression.
ThatsTheTheWayItIs
religion, ideology, partisanship are delusional
08:15 AM on 07/11/2012
So let's just give trophies to everyone, win or lose? In life, it's not "how you play the game", it's what you accomplish. Life is competition, get used to it. Cheating is not allowed, in sports, school or life. It happens, but people go to jail too.
photo
Mr Attitude
"Don't let the smooth taste fool you!"
07:24 AM on 07/11/2012
You have to love those Georgia conservative values being exhibited
wsdave
Abusive or Insulting? I won't be responding.
12:32 PM on 07/12/2012
Because this doesn't happen in liberal states?
photo
HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Miles J. Zaremski
Attorney, essayist and commentator
07:05 AM on 07/11/2012
I have to say that, as a former baseball coach for a youth team out of Illinois that played in a well-known baseball tournament in Wisconsin, the same type confrontation among parents occurred--- but that was over 20-25 years ago! I think that incident even made the national news. Haven't parents learned that youth baseball, as with other sports programs for children, is for the enjoyment of the kids who play the sport, and not as a substitute for parents who failed in one way or another in what they did in their youth. Geez, let the children enjoy their ballgames or in whatever they wish to participate; they will face many problems as they get older, and seeing parents engage in physical "combat" when they are young should not be part of their experiences while growing up.
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Christopher Stahnke
06:43 AM on 07/11/2012
This is a cultural issue that goes to the heart of all our collective problems and why this country has lost much of its energy and willingness to innovate. We've always been a competitive society but the stew was spiced with the notion that there are values and goals that go beyond "winning" and keeping score with money. Today, there are no common values other than those aforementioned "values." There is a lot of lip-service to morality in this country but very little reality behind it. This is why it is possible for criminals to take over large sections of our economy and make major inroads into government. Cheating and law-breaking is becoming routine and our common values will continue to deteriorate as we hunker down into tribes and clans and move towards a neo-feudal future.
ThatsTheTheWayItIs
religion, ideology, partisanship are delusional
08:26 AM on 07/11/2012
Japanese kids compete harder at baseball, and regularly beat US kids. None of that is true of their society. They are unified, and never aggressive. Yet they are far more competitive than us in the US, which is why they beat us at most things. Sports is not a reflection of society. Fans are, but no more so than those who aren't sports fans. Except sports fans are mainly male, they just reflect the fact that males are aggressive.
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
dennismcmh
too honest to be a polititian
11:15 AM on 07/11/2012
"they just reflect the fact that males are aggressive"

WILD ANIMALS are aggressive. Humans are supposed to be intelligent enough to find other ways of solving disputes; but I guess we have regressed back to the days of the caveman. Shame on the human race.

Shades of "The Planet of the Apes".
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
05:40 AM on 07/11/2012
"I'm sorry, I thought this was America!" - Stan's Dad