A woman reaches the top of her profession: a government job with power and prestige. It means living away from her family during the week, though. At first, she is sure she can make the commute work -- but the strain becomes too great, and she announces she is leaving. Much chatter ensues about whether women can indeed have it all.
No, this is not the story of Anne-Marie Slaughter, who became the face of the life/work balance conversation in the U.S. last month with her article in The Atlantic titled "Why Women Still Can't Have It All." Slaughter, it seems, has a British counterpart -- Louise Mensch, who was a Conservative member of Parliament until last week when she submitted her letter of resignation to Prime Minister David Cameron.
"As you know, I have been struggling for some time to find the best outcome for my family life," she wrote. "I am very sorry that despite my best efforts, I have been unable to make the balancing act."
Where Slaughter had left her husband and two teen sons in New Jersey while she worked during the week in Washington, D.C., Mensch's husband, Peter, lives in New York, where he is the manager of Metallica, Jimmy Page and the Red Hot Chili Peppers. The couple were married last year, and she and her three children from her first marriage live in East Northampshire, which is the district she represents in England.
Mensch has a high profile in Britain. She was a best-selling author of "racy" novels before running for office in 2010, and a presence in front of the cameras for the questioning of Rupert Murdoch during the phone-hacking scandal; she's also a force in social media, with more than 100,000 Twitter followers and even a Twitter-like social network of her own. So while Slaughter's resignation made waves after the fact -- when she wrote about it in a widely read cover story -- Mensch's caused uproar in real time.
"Unfortunately it's stirring up some of the same old tired commentary," wrote Jennifer Howze, who blogs about parenting at Britmums blog. "Why did she become an MP if she was just going to leave? some say. Others criticise her ability to manage her responsibilities and insist it makes all working women look bad -- although she's the only popular writer turned Tory MP married to band manager who lives in New York that I know."
And that is the most important similarity between Slaughter and Mensch -- the fact that the particulars of their stories must not be allowed to overshadow the universal questions they raise.
As Howze writes:
This is.. the perfect opportunity for us all to move on - move on from dissecting individual women's choices ... We should also move on from thinking we can do it all, all the time. Nobody can, male or female, mum or dad. Everyone makes compromises and this is hers.
I am grateful to Slaughter and Mensch for giving this subject a new spotlight. But there is a danger in focusing on them now that the conversation they started is well underway. As compelling as their stories are, they come with the risk that we will dismiss this as a problem only for women, and just for those who are seeking to reach the top. The reality, in contrast, is that if the power and resources available to these women were not enough to make it work, then what chance do the rest of us have?
Looked at that way, Mensch's glittering personal life and Slaughter's whirlwind days at Hillary Clinton's side are distractions from the argument for ground-level change.
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At that point my son was born. With a second child, having it all was not so easy. Now I had my three year old daughter in daycare and my infant son at work with me. Ten months later, I gave birth to another daughter. Then and there I finally knew that having it all was not worth the sacrifice. Instead of a wonderful connotation, for me, having it all meant a messy house, take-out food, no time with my husband, constant work stress and, most importantly, no time with my children.
My life changed. I quit my job and stayed home with my kids, enjoying their lives and our home life. I do still work part time. However, instead of the typical 9 to 5 grind, I now perform various types of short contract jobs during my kid's naps or after they are in bed. I love my work; it's flexible and part time.
No, I'm not a professor, an executive, or rich. However, now I truly feel that I do have it all. Having it all is a mindset. Having it all is what you make of it.
Anne Anderson
Legitimate Online Job Directory
http://www.LegitimateOnlineJobDirectory.com
I just wish that she had held on to her MP spot long enough to push for changes in the law granting protections to every working parent who need more time to raise their kids. Especially the ones that dont have the luxury of being wealthy enough to just quit if they feel like it.
I work. I have a small child. I have a great employer who allows me to work from home (ah, the never ending work day). And there are definite compromises to be made - no corporate trip, no offsite team meetings, paying for a sitter so I can actually go IN to the office.....
Ms Mensch's mistake was not, i contend, in quitting parliament - that's where i believe she acted correctly, and if it truly is the reason that she's leaving office, then i salute her for fulfilling her duties as a parent (not that it should have to be *her* that looks after the children, only that one parent - and specifically, the parent that most wants to be a parent - should put their children before everything else)
No, for me, the mistake was - having become a parent, completely underestimating the workload that an MP would have to undertake - and that made her foolish and vain, if you ask me. I'm not thrilled that she made a promise to the people of Corby and then let them down the way she did - i'm glad that her children do come first - but women/men of the future...? Learn from this: stop believing that you can have it all and being unrealistic in what life aims you make... The gossip mags have lied to you, women, stop reading them; and men, if you want to be a family and your partner is so darned good at her job, pull your weight more!
1. Where a single spouse is the domestic.
2. When both work, but do it on complementing schedules that allow for both to also parent (this usually means not getting too high up on the corporate ladder for either)
3. Both working and the grandparents or nanny takes care of the kids
None of those are ideal but their is reality.
You CAN have it all but not always simultaneously. Let's be more precise in our terminology here, please.