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Lisa Belkin

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Why Some Mothers Plan To Disappear On Mother's Day

Posted: 05/03/12 12:56 PM ET

There are mothers missing in the world. Women who should be here, who probably would be here, if they had not died in pregnancy or childbirth -- at a rate of 1,000 a day worldwide, 360,000 a year.

Nearly 90 percent of those deaths are preventable, according to the charity Every Mother Counts, and each leaves a child left without a mother. To shine a light on the missing, the organization is asking healthy, present mothers everywhere to "disappear" this Mother's Day.

Every Mother Counts, founded by Christy Turlington Burns, wants mothers to stop answering the phone, sending emails, replying to texts, posting on Facebook and even accepting Mother's Day gifts, to show what the world might feel like if we weren't here.

"Our silence will speak loudest, for all mothers," says the "No Mothers Day" short film directed by Burns' husband, the filmmaker Ed Burns. It features women between the ages of 24 and 80, many of whom you will recognize (Christy Turlington Burns, Jennifer Connelly, Ann Curry, Blythe Danner, Debra Messing) pledging their absence rather than their presence.

You can see the film below. Then use the comments to pledge support for the cause and tell us if you will participate and actually disappear this May 13.

 
 
 

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There are mothers missing in the world. Women who should be here, who probably would be here, if they had not died in pregnancy or childbirth -- at a rate of 1,000 a day worldwide, 360,000 a year. N...
There are mothers missing in the world. Women who should be here, who probably would be here, if they had not died in pregnancy or childbirth -- at a rate of 1,000 a day worldwide, 360,000 a year. N...
 
 
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
see-ellen2001
07:40 AM on 05/07/2012
Big difference: people know the mother will be answering her email, the phone etc the next day. Not so for the dead mothers. This strikes me as meaningless.
10:20 PM on 05/05/2012
I suffered a massive hemorrhage during delivery of my son. As I was put under anesthesia for his delivery I was unsure if either of us would survive. He had a terribly difficult start in life as a result. Years later, I am so happy to be alive and to be his mother. I wouldn’t dream of skipping out on Mother’s Day.
I agree with the other posters that there are many other ways to support this cause rather than confuse children everywhere.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
geddy lee is a god
New playlist: Cesaria Evora, B-52s, and Jeff Beck
01:26 PM on 05/04/2012
How are the children supposed to react/respond when their Moms temporarily become "invisible"? This mock death/disappearance concept is weird, and could be emotionally confusing for some children. And what about those who may have lost a mother? They certainly don't need a campaign to remind them of the void left by the mother's absence.

I would rather support something more realistic to reduce maternal death rates, like nutritional programs, mobile health vans that provide transportation to prenatal care providers, donating money to community health organizations that offer prenatal health education classes, partnerships between companies that package and distribute items like prenatal vitamins and clean/bottled water, and maternal support groups.

I get the idea, but am not feeling this campaign.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Angel Whitebird
Invest in America..Buy a Congressman!
09:51 AM on 05/04/2012
It should be a personal choice. Because I no longer have my mother ( she died at 59 years old).I would give anything to see her again..
12:01 AM on 05/04/2012
As a child whose mother was absent on Mother's Day (because she had died), I didn't enjoy the day. I started celebrating Mother's Day again when I became a mom. There are no gifts - my toddler and preschooler are too young for that - but I accept hugs and kisses and my husband's offer to wash the dishes.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
MissTake1989
Equal means equal, hypocrites.
07:23 PM on 05/03/2012
Awful problem.

But, what about some ACTUAL solutions...concrete steps to reduce and ultimately eliminate the problem to the best of mankind's ability...?
05:39 PM on 05/03/2012
i would never shun the appreciation my family wants to give me on this one day. its not about the cards, flowers, gifts; it's about my kids saying 'thank you, mom. we love you'. it's about them. good cause, bad idea
barbara jay
my kid says hi
04:46 PM on 05/03/2012
As a single, adoptive mother of a child too young to understand the point of this symbolic disappearance, I can't imagine that my participation would mean anything to anybody. Mothers' Day is low-key in our household anyway; a self-made card, a "concert" (her idea) of some little pieces she's been learning on the piano with the pieces listed on a hand-printed concert "program" - now that kind of thing is a treat that sure beats expensive presents and restaurants, and that I wouldn't want to deny her the pleasure of producing. Adopted children are already coping with a more personal version of mother-loss issues, and a different one, assuming the birth mother is still alive. The one-child policy, presumably, robbed her of her birth mother, and robbed a birth mother of her child. We say a special prayer for the birth mother on the anniversary of the day my daughter was "found." For some adopted children, something like this might be appropriate for Mother's Day also.
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katgordon
Marketing to women expert.
03:17 PM on 05/03/2012
I totally agree with MsMendez's comment. I work in advertising + think a far more compelling campaign would tie the $ you would ordinarily spend on flowers for your own mother to the $ someone else pays that day to place flowers on their mother's grave. Invite folks to post to FB that their "bouquet" money is going to research/outreach to help ensure someone else doesn't lose their mother this tragic way.
03:16 PM on 05/03/2012
I will not participate. I know some of the reasons mothers die as a result of pregnancy and had mild pre-eclampsia myself. I am grateful to have lived to tell my own story. I'm happy to share what I know to help other women so they can watch for the signs themselves. But I will not deny my own motherhood (or that of my own mother!) for an ill-concieved campaign that doesn't have any real teeth.
03:07 PM on 05/03/2012
Something seems kind of weird about this to me. I wouldn't mind dissapearing for the day - if I could dissapear to a spa, or a bookstore, or someplace with some of my mom friends. But it doesn't really seem right for me to go get a pedicure (which is celebratory) while expecting my family and the world to notice what a problem it is that I'm not there (which seems like a "nya-nya") when the actual loss of women to childbirth, abuse, etc is so horrific. And how else would I dissapear, exactly? Are all the moms going to congregate on Elba or something? Or hide in our rooms?

Also, I dont think it's a bad idea for people to practice gratitude. Thanking Mom (and next month Dad) for the pivotal role they have in our lives seems like a worthy thing to do as well.
Finally, leave it to a mother to take martyrdom one step farther and turn a pleasant celebration into something we must do for others. I completely agree that a focus on reducing maternal mortality would be good for the world - I just don't think this is a great way to do it.
01:30 PM on 05/03/2012
No, I won't be participating. Raising awareness is a good thing but "disappearing" for the day will not help anyone, anywhere. Root causes of maternal mortality are what need to be addressed, and they are far too complicated to be addressed by this strange campaign. Lack of access to health insurance and health care here and elsewhere, corrupt governments, U.S. support of corrupt governments, lack of access to family planning, lack of income, gender inequality - all of these thing play a part in the awful truth of so many women dying for preventable reasons all over the world. I don't claim to have the answer for how to improve rates of maternal (and infant/child) mortality, but really feel that this will not do a damn thing to change anything. Using mother's day to raise awareness of the situation worldwide is a great idea, but not like this.