I knew I was supposed to have "the talk" about safe sex. And about drugs, and smoking, and stranger-danger, and texting while driving, and not eating unwrapped candy at Halloween. When they were younger I taught them to look both ways before crossing the street, and to never get in the car with someone they don't know; as they got older I warned them not to text pictures of themselves naked, or get in the car with someone who was drunk.
I didn't know I had to warn them about helium.
Neither did Ashley Long's parents. The 14-year-old Oregon girl told her Mom and Dad she'd be at a slumber party ten days ago, but she went to a different kind of party instead -- one at the condo of a 27-year-old, where there was alcohol and marijuana and a tank filled with helium. Ashley breathed in the gas, because it's funny to hear your voice get high and squeaky.
Instead, she died.
Now her parents are trying to warn other parents, so they can warn their children. Helium, while inert, yes, is not benign. True, most people don't die from a hit or two. And sure, it has been a fun parlor game for years, sucking on helium balloons. But in sufficient concentration -- directly from a tank for instance -- the helium crowds out the oxygen and can cause suffocation, which is why it is used in so-called "suicide machines". Mixing with alcohol or drugs doesn't help, either.
One more warning on the list.
Sometimes parenting feels like a race to discover what you should be afraid of before it shows up and grabs your child. It feels as if there is always something new, but really it is all part of the same thing -- that your teen will do something stupid, and you will not have warned them. At all. Or enough.
So what is a parent supposed to do?
What we have always done. Read the news. Ache for the victim's parents. Talk to our children, even when they roll their eyes. Especially then.
But also understand that however long we make our list, however much talking we do, there will always be something we didn't think of, didn't say. Or something that they failed to hear.
Because essentially we are racing against our children. Against the fact that they are teens. That their brains are not developed, particularly the part that assesses risk. That they are far more vulnerable to peer pressure than they will be a few years down the road, and that something we see as stupid they might see as a great idea when it's being done by "everyone else." On top of that, they are pretty sure they are immortal, and that the rules of biology and physics don't really apply to them.
There are real bogeymen out there. But while we try to list, and quantify, and warn, the main danger is out of our reach. Because mostly what we are racing is time, and the simple fact that if we can just keep them safe long enough, maybe they will reach the point where they can keep themselves safe, instead.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3dDQQcWhyU
So step up to the plate, parents. Think and use normal common sense. Above all, don't let manipulative teenagers guilt-trip you into giving them more independence and trust than they, as naive teenagers, deserve. Get them safely to the age of 18, and by then, they will not only be a bit smarter, but they will also thank you for your love and discipline. Believe me, the "I love you"s I get now far outweigh the "I hate you"s I got during those teenage years.
I didn't mean to intrude but I read your post and had to respond. You're one of the few people on these many post that have wisdom and common sense. I do agree with you that parents nowadays want to be friends with their children and their children-as they do with their "friends"- do manipulate their parent/friend. I would also like to add that the number 18 is not synonymous with adulthood. Scientifically, a person doesn't doesn’t mentally become an adult till 22-23 years of age. At least the people in Las Vegas have the sense to remind the world that you can't play with us till you're 21. This 18, "I'm grown" crap has caused nothing but problems for young people ( see Tyler Clementi privacy invasion trial). What parents should do (and without ) shame to point them to Exodus 20;12 about honoring one's father and mother so that you have the best chance of living out your life span. Also remind them that you can die before your appointed time (Ecclesiastes 7:17) .
One last thing: children don’t usually listen to tier parents, but they imitate their parents. Fathers should stop shooting down Christianity and start returning to church…with their children.
Have a great day, sir
"Sleepover? Hey, not a problem, Buttercup. Just give me the home number of the parent so I can meet them first, then during the night of the sleepover I can call THE HOME a few times to make sure you're still there, not off at some other party at the condo of a 27-yr-old serving minors alcohol, drugs, helium, and probably sex, too! You're okay with that, right sweetie? Cause, y'know, if you're NOT okay with it, you're not going."
Sure, you'll get your share of "That's so lame, mom! None of the other parents do that." and "Grrr, I hate you!" But you know what else you'll get? A grateful 20-something kid who made it out of the teenage years not only alive, but also not in jail, drug-addicted, on a stripper pole, or having 4 kids from 4 different daddies.
It warms my heart to know that there are other young women out there who realize (now) that parents are not the enemy - they are the nurturers, the protectors, the mentors - at least for children lucky enough to have parents who genuinely care. I don't see enough of that in parents these days, and it doesn't bode well for future generations of kids.
Thanks for your comment.