It wasn't long ago that I was an unabashed alpha female. Not only did I know how to do it all, I held the belief that I could do it even better and faster than most men. I felt powerful and I loved that power.
The problem was what I was feeling was masculine power, not feminine power, and I ended up being told by different men that I was controlling and emasculating. One man told me I didn't "know how to let a man be a man."
Truthfully, I didn't.
I wasn't taught the power of my feminine nature or how to get my needs met in a relationship with a man or even how to be a partner. I just wanted to be in control.
Growing up as a product of the '60s and women's lib, which by the way did awesome things when it came to opening doors to previously unattainable careers for women, I learned to follow a philosophy of never needing a man except to make a baby. So like many women of our generation, I became a powerhouse who stepped on men regardless of their feelings or how my behavior made them feel. And this brought out the worst in the men in my life.
The men who accused me of not letting them be men couldn't tell me in words what made them feel emasculated or less than as a man. They just felt it. And that's why I began doing a ton of research on men and what makes them tick. I'll tell you that being an alpha female definitely does not and here are five reasons why.
#1. Men want women who are intelligent and can think for themselves. They aren't looking for needy, clingy women. They want to find someone they can be proud of at their sides.
#2. Men don't want to be controlled or told what to do. When you tell a guy how to do his job at home or at work -- especially when he hasn't asked for your opinion -- he feels less than. He wants to be your hero, trying his best to be that for you.
#3. Men want a relationship, not a competition. When you are an alpha and he's an alpha, you have two leaders and a lot of competition. Have you ever seen a alpha man when he's competing? He wants to win and he will do what it takes to make that happen. By coming from your feminine side, which is your heart versus your mind, it takes the power struggle out of it, which will bring out the best in him.
#4. Overgiving is a masculine, alpha quality. Our DNA comes from the caveman days where we as women needed protection and we needed a man to provide for us to survive. These roles are still in your DNA coding. When you overgive to a man, you are saying, I'm the alpha in the relationship. It doesn't mean you can't give, of course you can. But when you overgive, you become a man's mother, not his partner.
#5. Men need to be needed. Yes, you are strong and we as women emotionally need to be strong for the family and the relationship. But when you do all the physical work and all the emotional work in the relationship, you don't leave room for a man to honor his DNA coding of doing for you.
Coming into your feminine power doesn't mean lying down like a doormat and just allowing a man to walk on you. Far from it. It means learning how to bring out the best in a man and in turn, he will bring out the best in you.
When I was finally able to let go of rubbing my strength and power in a man's face, I found men were stepping over themselves to help me. It didn't take anything away from me. It actually helped me get over the idea of "I have to do it all" and it brought me into true partnership with men.
You know what? That felt good. I felt cherished, adored and respected for being myself.
Lisa Copeland is the Dating Coach who makes over 50's dating fun and easy. To learn more about the secrets for bringing out the best in the men you date, visit www.FindAQualityMan.com.
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