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The 4 Words That Are Keeping You From Finding Love

02/21/2015 07:06 am ET | Updated Apr 23, 2015
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How many hours have you spent looking at men online thinking the following thought? This man looks nice but ... he's not my type!

Maybe he's not the same religion, or he lives in a different part of town, he's too old, he's too young or he's not Mr. Right based on other reasons that popped into your head as you glanced at a man's profile and picture.

For me, it was guys who were extremely athletic. I thought of them as narcissistic and placed judgment on them for wanting their bodies to be super toned.

My body is curvy and I've come to like it just the way it is. However, I was afraid of being judged by them for not being rock hard. So I judged them first and totally knocked them off my list of possibilities.

In fact, in my first experience with eHarmony, they would continually match me with men who felt physical fitness was a number one priority.

I actually called eHarmony and said, "Could you stop sending me these types of men?" and they laughed, saying I was the only person EVER to do that!

"He's not my type" was my first and easiest response when I saw a new man on an online dating site.

I'm happy to tell you I've changed my tune since then.

In fact, the man I'm with now might have been one of those "not my type" guys back then, and I would have clicked Next! and missed a wonderful relationship.

I don't want you to spend years figuring out the same thing. Here are four reasons to banish "he's not my type" from your vocabulary when it comes to over 50's dating.

We create patterns, whether or not they work for us.

We are hard-wired to seek out comfort, and in dating, that means coming back to the same types of guys over and over again.

But if you look back at past relationships, you can see that what feels comfortable might not be working for you.

When you think of the men you have dated or married, do you find a common theme, something in their personality or background that was similar in each one?

The men I'd chosen in the past were smart and they knew it, which totally stimulated my mind but not my body and soul.

I was missing those connections in every relationship, until I took a step back and recognized the pattern.

In my relationship now, I'm not yearning for that illusive something that was always missing in the past.

You're actually missing out on a lot of great guys.

When you're only looking for men who meet your type, you're narrowing the field of possible men to date.

If you've ever said, "There are just no good men over 50 out there," this is exactly why.

You're only seeing a small portion of them as acceptable.

Once you take those limiting parameters off, you'll see there are so many more possible men out there who might make a great date, boyfriend, husband or even just a friend to go to the movies with.

"Is he my type?" makes for a bad first date.

Once you find the rare guy online who you think might fit your type, what happens is you get overly invested in whether or not you can even get a first date with him.

The pressure cooker is on.

A lot is riding on this because you think there are so few good guys out there to date... so you have to make this one work.

You go on a meet and greet and you spend the time interviewing him for the job of your next boyfriend or mate.

Instead of spending time getting to know someone new and interesting, you're busy checking off the qualities he must have that are sitting on an imaginary "is he my type checklist" you've created.

Men can feel your frantic, nervous energy and it's a huge turn off to them.

Clients have told me over and over again that going on a first date to meet someone new and interesting takes a lot of pressure off them and makes dating fun, versus stressful.

It takes going outside your comfort zone to find a great guy.

To find happiness and contentment, you need to go outside your comfort zone and try a different type of man than you are used to.

Tonight, when you are browsing your favorite dating sites, take a look at five men you may have passed up because they did not fit your type in the past.

This can include men who contacted you ... but you wrote off, saying, "He's not my type."

Give yourself the opportunity to revisit them and see if there is anything that might now appear interesting to you.

You may find yourself resisting these new types of men, feeling a strong urge to go back to the kind of man that you are comfortable with.

Give yourself permission to feel uncomfortable and respond to one of these men you may have previously crossed off your list.

I may never have experienced the kind of happiness, compatibility and love with a man had I caved into my fears about being out of my comfort zone. And I hear the same thing from former clients all the time when they find relationships that make them really happy.

I'd love to see you find what I have found -- a great, quality man to be with. So get yourself online and look at all types of men to date.

The worst that can happen is you have a coffee date that goes nowhere or you find a new friend.

But the best may happen too!

Maybe you'll find exactly what you've been looking for but might never have tried if you had stuck with your usual type.

Lisa Copeland is known as the expert on over 50's dating. To get your free report, "5 Little Known Secrets To Find A Quality Man," visit www.findaqualityman.com.

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