Vast Leftwing Conspiracy as An American Carol Goes To The Dogs?

Put on your tin foil hat and heat up a bag of microwave popcorn. The cinematic geniuses who brought you An American Carol are convinced that a Vast Leftwing Conspiracy is behind the not-so-hot box office debut of their conservative yuk fest.

Other movies playing last weekend? Along with liberal sex symbols Pitt, Mortensen and Gere, new movies wrassled Carol for B.O. supremacy: The docucomedy Religulous and Beverly Hills Chihuahua, a capitalist family comedy with a far more sinister agenda -- La Raza for small yappy dogs!

If making movies people want to see isn't enough of a celebrity-studded plot to corrupt American small town values -- and based on Palin's family, I'd say those are drug addiction, drug dealing, underage drinking, unprotected sex, and pre-marital pregnancy -- there seems to be a more nefarious scheme afoot!

Mpower pictures and Vivendi are starting to hear complaints about unorthodox treatment of An American Carol by employees of theaters that are carrying the movie. So far, ten theaters have been implicated in irregularities regarding the handling of this movie in cineplexes and other theaters--particularly as regards ticket sales...document everything you can. Put those cell-phone cameras to use whenever possible...

If [the tickets] have the wrong movie title on them, please take a picture of them and send them to the investigative team at An American Carol: complaints -- AT -- AnAmericanCarol -- DOT -- com . Please place the original tickets in a safe place and fill out the info on the AAC complaint site. They may need your ticket as evidence, should this turn out to be part of a larger pattern.

Could this be happening? Armies of pinko theater managers and their teen minions meeting in butter scented back rooms to destroy the rightwing feel-good comedy of the year?

Well, according to an anonymous source who works at an 18-screen multiplex in conservative Southern California city, it'd be pretty darn hard to rig such a vast conspiracy at the box office:

All tickets are barcoded. If a newbie at the box office prints out the wrong ticket, we'll catch it when we direct customers to the screen. Then they'll be sent back for a reprinted ticket. Or if the customer notices and cares they can go back and get a reprinted ticket. If this happens or than once or twice in a shift, the manager is gonna find out and the box office staff is gonna catch sh*t.

"Catch sh*t" is code for being put on bathroom clean up duty. Or getting fired.

So today in the interest of investigative journalism, I will be going to a multiplex, seeing An American Carol, and interrogating, uh... chatting with the staff. And I'll scan my actual ticket stub just to prove it.

Remember: Your $9.50 is gone -- don't let them take our democracy as well.

Follow Lisa Derrick on Twitter: www.twitter.com/lalisa93

Comments

[DBtv]

republic hacks just aren't funny.

The poor box office is merely a result of the producer's conspiracy of incompetence and lack of taste.

[noamjunior]

Zucker's best movie came out 30 years ago

[Candyland]

Republicans are seemingly incapable of taking responsibility for their failures. The failure of this little gem couldn't have anything to do with a poor script, poor casting and poor acting, could it? Naw - an unfunny comedy with Kelsey Grammer should be a blockbuster!

[ElBruce]

They should make a documentary about this.

You know, maybe the problem is that right-wingers think that "funny" means "somebody I don't like got hurt or insulted, ha ha ha!"

[dutchgirl55]

Two things I've noticed among people I know are fanatic right wing believers--1) Whatever virtue they demand other people to practice is NOT practiced by the fanatic him/herself. 2)Whatever goes wrong for the fanatic is ALWAYS someone elses fault (usually any handy Democrat.)

[JaneaneTheAcerbicGoblin]

It's hilarious that right wingers are looking for "conspiracies" again, but this whole film/episode is rather sad as David Zucker, who co-directed Airplane and directed The Naked Gun, two of the funniest movies ever made, is now shilling for the right wing.

Listen to Zucker's commentary on The Naked Gun DVD. His comments on OJ Simpson are priceless. It's one of the funniest, most unpretentious commentary tracks I've ever heard. Watch the film afterwards. It will remind you of better times with Mr. Zucker.

[Clavis]

Hey, Joe Sixpack -- would you like a little cheese with your whine?

[ShawnMichel]

I responded with my usual caustic comment, and I doubt the site will have the courage to publish it.

But this piece made me laugh ... oh, did it make me laugh!

[bdaved]

I was listening to Laura Ingraham yesterday, briefly, because somebody's got to do it, and she was talking about American Carol vs. Religuolus at the box office. She said American Carol edged out Religulous in the total box office take and that was a victory. She didn't mention that "An American Carol" appeared on 1639 screens, with an average per-screen take of $2325, while "Religulous" appeared on 502 screens, with an average per screen of $6972.

[pfc1369]

What's the surprise?

You yourself said it was Laura Ingraham.