One of the byproducts of marrying my now ex-husband is my relationship with his two daughters. I was clueless about what I was getting into with teenage girls and had no experience with divorce at any stage. In the beginning it was fun and easy. Their father and I had the time and money to entertain them. We went shopping, out to dinner, and to special events like the Nutcracker Ballet. But inevitably our weekends became more challenging. After all they were teenagers, their mother wasn't happy about the divorce and their father and I had our own struggles to contend with. Looking back I'm eternally grateful for the experience of being a stepmother and am blessed to have them in my life. Their mom, too. Here's what they taught me:
- Children have their own set of needs. Don't add yours to theirs. Stay focused on being the parent. It's all about them. You had your time pre-divorce. Once the papers are signed, start living your new life. If you find you didn't quite get the settlement you need, suck it up and make it work. The last thing anyone, including your friends and especially your children, wants to hear is what a lousy divorce you had. About the only good topic for conversation is how well the children are doing. Make it happen.