Forget Balance: Work, Life And The Surprising Secrets Of Happiness

Work/life balance is a crock. The elusive goal of balance keeps us teetering on a tightrope of insanity as we frantically juggle the plates of our compartmentalized lives.

Balance may be the big buzzword in corporate America, but parceling yourself out in the quest for perfect balance often makes you so worried about the moments you're missing, that you forget how to enjoy the moments you're actually in.

The problem isn't lack of balance. It's that we've sub-divided our lives into a series of endless to-dos that hold no meaning for us whatsoever.

The truth is, balance isn't a strategy, it's a tactic, and a reactive one at that. And you don't create success or happiness with tactics. Think about it. Do you know anyone who achieved nirvana by mastering the art of the Franklin Planner?

It's no coincidence that when people talk about balance they're usually lamenting their lack of it.

I should spend more time with my kids. I should take more vacations. I should get to the gym more often. I should call my folks.

The list is a mile long, and we're convinced that true happiness will descend upon us when it's all checked off.

But the real secret of happiness isn't balance at all, it's two very simple things: We're the happiest when we're connected to others and we know that what we're doing with our time makes a difference.

That's it. Not new cars, not big promotions, not even more sex, the perfect life partner or photogenic kids.

It's been proven time and time again, by everyone from the researchers at Harvard to religious leaders, we human beings need both pleasure and purpose to be happy. And we need to experience them both at the same time.

All the angst around balance is merely masking a larger issue, which is lack of purpose and an inability to experience the pleasure of fully engaging in the present moment.

Our culture has perpetuated the myth that our work is over one side of the equation and fun is on the other, two competing arenas that must be carefully balanced against each other at all times. Spread yourself around in the right proportion and life will be bliss.

But in reality, our challenge isn't trying to balance out the drudgery with the fun; our challenge is to learn to how enjoy every aspect of our life while we're actually living it.

Meaningful work - be it parenting, PTA or powering your way to the top of P & G - is the cornerstone of a happy and successful life. Exhaustion may make you crave more pleasure. However, as the angst ridden botoxed ladies at the country club can attest, you can spend every day of your life at the spa, but unless it's connected to a larger purpose, at a certain point you're going to get tired of exfoliating yourself.

On the flip side, you can selflessly spend hours scooping soup for the poor, but until you learn to be fully present and experience the grace while you're ladling, there won't be a big serving of joy waiting for you at the bottom of the pot.

We human beings are hard-wired with an innate desire to create meaningful connections while we're on this planet and to make a contribution that outlasts our stay on it. Yet, despite the lofty yearnings of our souls. we often get ourselves so mired in our own muck that we're not fully engaged with the people around us and we completely miss the potentially larger purpose of our daily grind.

There aren't too many world leaders, kindergarten teachers, or jingle writers who create fabulous results by distractedly going through the motions.

Trying to balance out your priorities by employing superb scheduling tactics will always feel like a rat race if you don't have a meaningful strategy or goal. If your true objective is become happy, you're going to have to spend a little time thinking about what that actually means to you.

Whether you know it or not, you do have purpose on this planet - we all do - and I suspect that much of our angst over balance comes from the gnawing knowledge that we're not fulfilling it.

But before you quit your day job, you should know that you don't have to create world peace to give yourself a reason to get out of bed. Sometimes your life's purpose is something as simple, elegant and meaningful as being a great friend or boss.

I have no idea what your purpose is; it took me the better part of 44 years just to start getting an inkling of my own. But I do know that the meaning and joy you get out of your life is in direct proportion to the meaning and joy you put into it.

You can't make good decisions about where to spend your time, until you know how you want to share your heart. Guiltily parceling out bits and pieces of yourself in the name of balance never makes you happy, it just makes you tired.

So forget balance. Figure out your purpose, get present in the moment and decide to be happy instead.

Lisa Earle McLeod is a syndicated columnist, author, speaker and business consultant. For more about how to Forget Balance and get happy - video

Follow Lisa Earle McLeod on Twitter: www.twitter.com/lisaearlemc

Comments

[cameragirl]

After an extended period of unemployment, I found myself fumbling through the day. After the kids went to school, I had no purpose until the bus dropped them off. Now that I am back at work, I am happier and feel connected through and because of the job. Yes, I could have found other ways to fulfill my purpose (volunteering or going back to school), but I needed to earn a living. I know I am one of the lucky ones who enjoys what they do. It's not all glamorous, but it feels good to be a part of something bigger.

[pastgone]

The bottom line in what you are saying is that you have to fumdamentally like and enjoy your work in order to truly enjoy life. You are right about this. The myth that work needs to be dreaded drudgery ("that's why they call it work") is an unfortunate part of this culture, and it causes a great deal of unhappiness. The answer? If you hate your job and/or your career, get out of it. Period. Ignore the "consequences", and LEAVE. You know what you like to do. Whatever it is, do that. Starting now.

[Cathexis]

"Ignore the consequences."

For the vast majority of people, in the current "system," I suggest that would be catastrophically naive.

[Cathexis]

A simple-sounding bit of advice; yet, so rarely achieved.

Why? I suggest that it is because there is an innate dichotomy between that stated purpose and the need to "earn an income." True, some people manage to achieve both, but those examples are noteworthy because they are the exceptions to the rule.

For most of us, we "need to earn an income." Unfortunately, that usually entails all of the restrictions and constraints associated. It is not even a matter of "Don't be such greedy bastards ... take a more fulfilling job that pays less."

Sorry, that's not the choice.

Ya know ... for Middle Class living, even suck jobs can be hard to come by. Hold out for something with a liveable wage that is also fulfilling and you'll likely be standing in line at a soup kitchen, IMO.

The reason many of us cry for "balance" is because the Corporate World is taking over our lives, in various ways. Most of us don't have the luxury of "the fulfilling option" and find ourselves fighting a ground war trying to resist the continual encroachment of work into private life.

[cktirumalai]

A sense of purpose can indeed inspire. Some are lucky enough to find it without any particular efffort. But many discover it only after many experiments, some of which involve mental agony. And the process is made harder by the presence of diverse distractions and the need to earn a living in work one may not be comfortable with. Aligning what one wants to do with what enables us to make a living is far from easy but worth aiming at.