Isn't there a saying that if one waits long enough, good things come to pass? When the timing is right, things fall into place? Or of course that real cute one, when the student is ready the teacher appears.
There is a kind of living that is dead. The days either rush or trickle by us without much conscious awareness because we are busy doing life. You know the routines. Depending upon how many you have who depend on you, there are routines.
When we are children, we have restrictions. We can't cross the street unless someone walks us across or watches us walk across. We don't have freedom. But becoming an adult incurs responsibilities that take away our freedoms.
Yet, to be fully alive in the moment, that's what we live for as adults. That's what the weekend is for, right? That's when you get to live, or you have a choice, or there are moments of choice at least when you get to say, "I want to do this and I want to do this now." Not when the time is right. Not when someone else says it's okay. Now. For some, that's drinking with buddies and letting it all go. For others, it is meditating in a group, not only to let things go but to bring new life in. This isn't a blog about meditation or adulthood. It's about choice and truly living one's life, one's authentic life, regardless how uncomfortable or difficult it might seem to be. See if you can stick with me here.
Americans sometimes act like now is the only thing that matters. I'm not saying that their concept of "now" is conscious. I'm also not saying China isn't acting this way, or Greece, or Italy, or so many other countries. I'm only talking about the people who populate the arena I interact in... not my building or street or city, but life here, now.
We have gotten so selfish. Or am I just speaking for myself?
If something is out of order, do we try to fix it ourselves or immediately ask someone else to do it?
I'm babbling, but there is a purpose to this. I wanted to catch up with myself and those who have read me on here since 2009, when I first posted. It's been a while. Sorry about that. I got cancer and thought you'd find that boring so I put those blogs elsewhere.
I still have cancer. Unfortunately, I have the kind that so far is still classified as incurable. But the amazing thing about it is that it has brought more life to my life. Recognizing I might not have till my 80s or 90s as so many of my maternal ancestors accomplished, I had to look hard and deep at what is most important for me to accomplish while I still have strength, desire and consciousness.
When I was 20, sitting on the floor in a Tel Aviv bookstore, I remember looking up from the book in my hands at the shelf off of which it had just come. I remember then wanting to have a shelf full of books with my name on the spine. I don't think it was an egoistic desire. I truly believe I wanted that because books were so important to me. Certain books, no matter where I was, on which floor of which bookstore in which city, that book was home to me. I wanted to have a shelf that others, no matter where they were, could open me up and be home again, instantly.
Yet, the older I got, the more I wrote, the more I felt that what I wrote was just too personal to share with others. That didn't stop me from my writing. I kept writing, spending so much time on something that didn't bring me anything but occasionally momentary satisfaction. I hoped and prayed some day it would all make sense and be of value for others.
There was a woman I met on MySpace who found my blog-writing was important to her. I discovered she was a professional editor. After we chatted back and forth I knew that if I was ever to desire to bring my writing up to the surface, to make it available for others to find home fast, then she would be my editor. I've never met this woman in person. She is now helping me pull together my book.
After my last treatment in October, and upon deciding not to do the consolidation treatment but to instead enjoy and utilize my semi-remission as potently as possible, I decided to get my book done by March 25. She is committed to my vision and I am blessed to have her hands, her eyes, her heart and mind contributing to the project.
In addition to that, she has a friend, who understands the internet and will help us get the book to you, with or without the help of a publisher.
I said in the beginning, that good things come to those who wait. I have been very patient and I'm not a patient person. Good things have come to me. I don't expect nor desire a whole shelf of books with my name anymore. Nope, this one's for you. I had a mission. I discovered what I came for and I want to pass it on before I go. It's as simple as that.
Soon, I will be able to share good things with you.
Thankfully, even though I can cross the street by myself, I have conscious others walking with me.
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