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Lisa Haisha

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How to Be Liked Instantly

Posted: 12/31/10 08:49 AM ET

It's been said that everyone can light up a room -- some when they enter, and others when they leave. Which type of person are you?

Have you ever wondered why certain people can walk into a room and light up the atmosphere with their presence? Or why when certain individuals speak, their listeners become spellbound, while someone else talking about the same subject is met with yawns?

If you want to be the kind of person whom others instantly like, trust and listen to, you need to understand some of the keys to communication, magnetism and listening.

Three Levels of Communication

Every time you communicate with someone, you are sending three distinct messages. They are:

  1. Verbal Messages: the words you say
  2. Paraverbal Messages: the way you say your words
  3. Nonverbal Messages: your body language

It doesn't matter whether you are communicating in a business or personal setting, these three communication factors are always present. The better you manage each, the more likely that people will be drawn to you.

Verbal Messages

The exact words you use will determine how someone reacts to you. Words that are critical, blaming, judgmental or accusatory turn people off and tend to create a negative mindset in the listeners. To draw people toward you, use uplifting language that is succinct, clear and truthful. The more positive your words are, the more people will like being around you.

Paraverbal Messages

How you say your words -- your tone, pitch and pacing -- sends a clear message to people, regardless of the actual words. In fact, research shows that paraverbal messages account for approximately 38 percent of what is communicated to someone. In other words, your feelings and how you say something can change the meaning of your words. Therefore, monitor your feelings as you talk to others. In general, when people are angry or excited, they tend to speak faster and with a higher pitch. When bored or feeling depressed, people tend to speak very slowly and monotonous. When feeling defensive, people tend to speak abruptly. Even more important, listeners believe your paraverbal messages more than your verbal ones.

Nonverbal Messages

Your nonverbal messages include your posture, gestures, facial expressions and spatial distance. These subtle but powerful messages account for 55 percent of your communication, so they have the ability to either draw people toward you or repel them from you. When you speak and have a facial expression that is filled with enthusiasm, energy and approval for the other person, he or she will feel compelled to listen to you. Additionally, when your posture and gestures reflect inclusion, such as facing someone directly, making sustained eye contact and keeping the upper body "open" without crossed arms, you create a feeling of unity.

Have a Magnetic Presence

In addition to being adept at verbal, paraverbal and non-verbal communication, people who are liked instantly tend to possess a magnetism so potent that they can effortlessly make a dynamic impact. The fact is that nothing reveals more about you to others than your vibratory frequency that radiates from your being.

We each have a magnetic field that draws us to the people, experiences and things that mirror our state of consciousness -- our thoughts, perceptions, opinions and beliefs. This relates to the old saying that we become what we think about most. Realize that everyone is creating their outcomes in their life, either consciously or unconsciously.

To improve your magnetism so that you can draw people toward you, you need to recognize the inherent talents you have that make you unique. This helps you better understand your purpose in life, which is necessary for any kind of success.

With your purpose firmly in place, you can begin to visualize the perfect scenario -- how you want people to react when they are with you. Visualization is key to manifesting the desired outcome in your life. Once you have the image clear in your mind, meditate on it. Meditation enables you tap into your authentic self. At that point, your magnetism instantly improves.

Listen to Learn

Finally, to be instantly liked, it's vital that you listen to others. Constantly talking about yourself, interrupting when people are talking and seeming uninterested in the other person with your gaze wandering will cause people to avoid you. Remember that most people (whether a friend, family member, co-worker or even a dissatisfied customer) want nothing more than to be heard. That's why those people who are skilled listeners are often the most liked.

Realize that listening involves more than just hearing someone's words. True listening means that you are attempting to understand the other person, that you respect his or her thoughts even if they are different from your own, and that you are willing to see things from the other person's point of view (even if just for a moment). Yes, doing all this demands a high degree of mental focus on your part. But if you suspend judgment and listen with your heart, you can overcome many communication challenges and forge true friendships.

So the next time you are listening to someone, resist the urge to interrupt. Don't listen with the intent to rebut someone's remarks. Rather, listen to get the whole story, reflect on their words and then formulate your response. The more you can thoughtfully listen, the more people will be willing to open up to you.

Make People Feel Special

Because most people enjoy talking about themselves, encourage them to do so. Find out the other person's interests, and make it a point to talk about those things. For example, if you're going to a party at a filmmaker's house, study up on filmmaking. Go see one or two of his or her movies, or at least Google the person to learn more about his or her projects.

The bottom line is that most people like you when you make them feel special. And that's exactly what these communication, magnetism and listening techniques will enable you to do -- make others feel special and important. As Cavett Robert, founder of the National Speaker's Association, said, "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." The more you show people you care about them, the more they will like you.

 

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