It's been said that everyone can light up a room -- some when they enter, and others when they leave. Which type of person are you?
Have you ever wondered why certain people can walk into a room and light up the atmosphere with their presence? Or why when certain individuals speak, their listeners become spellbound, while someone else talking about the same subject is met with yawns?
If you want to be the kind of person whom others instantly like, trust and listen to, you need to understand some of the keys to communication, magnetism and listening.
Three Levels of Communication
Every time you communicate with someone, you are sending three distinct messages. They are:
It doesn't matter whether you are communicating in a business or personal setting, these three communication factors are always present. The better you manage each, the more likely that people will be drawn to you.
Verbal Messages
The exact words you use will determine how someone reacts to you. Words that are critical, blaming, judgmental or accusatory turn people off and tend to create a negative mindset in the listeners. To draw people toward you, use uplifting language that is succinct, clear and truthful. The more positive your words are, the more people will like being around you.
Paraverbal Messages
How you say your words -- your tone, pitch and pacing -- sends a clear message to people, regardless of the actual words. In fact, research shows that paraverbal messages account for approximately 38 percent of what is communicated to someone. In other words, your feelings and how you say something can change the meaning of your words. Therefore, monitor your feelings as you talk to others. In general, when people are angry or excited, they tend to speak faster and with a higher pitch. When bored or feeling depressed, people tend to speak very slowly and monotonous. When feeling defensive, people tend to speak abruptly. Even more important, listeners believe your paraverbal messages more than your verbal ones.
Nonverbal Messages
Your nonverbal messages include your posture, gestures, facial expressions and spatial distance. These subtle but powerful messages account for 55 percent of your communication, so they have the ability to either draw people toward you or repel them from you. When you speak and have a facial expression that is filled with enthusiasm, energy and approval for the other person, he or she will feel compelled to listen to you. Additionally, when your posture and gestures reflect inclusion, such as facing someone directly, making sustained eye contact and keeping the upper body "open" without crossed arms, you create a feeling of unity.
Have a Magnetic Presence
In addition to being adept at verbal, paraverbal and non-verbal communication, people who are liked instantly tend to possess a magnetism so potent that they can effortlessly make a dynamic impact. The fact is that nothing reveals more about you to others than your vibratory frequency that radiates from your being.
We each have a magnetic field that draws us to the people, experiences and things that mirror our state of consciousness -- our thoughts, perceptions, opinions and beliefs. This relates to the old saying that we become what we think about most. Realize that everyone is creating their outcomes in their life, either consciously or unconsciously.
To improve your magnetism so that you can draw people toward you, you need to recognize the inherent talents you have that make you unique. This helps you better understand your purpose in life, which is necessary for any kind of success.
With your purpose firmly in place, you can begin to visualize the perfect scenario -- how you want people to react when they are with you. Visualization is key to manifesting the desired outcome in your life. Once you have the image clear in your mind, meditate on it. Meditation enables you tap into your authentic self. At that point, your magnetism instantly improves.
Listen to Learn
Finally, to be instantly liked, it's vital that you listen to others. Constantly talking about yourself, interrupting when people are talking and seeming uninterested in the other person with your gaze wandering will cause people to avoid you. Remember that most people (whether a friend, family member, co-worker or even a dissatisfied customer) want nothing more than to be heard. That's why those people who are skilled listeners are often the most liked.
Realize that listening involves more than just hearing someone's words. True listening means that you are attempting to understand the other person, that you respect his or her thoughts even if they are different from your own, and that you are willing to see things from the other person's point of view (even if just for a moment). Yes, doing all this demands a high degree of mental focus on your part. But if you suspend judgment and listen with your heart, you can overcome many communication challenges and forge true friendships.
So the next time you are listening to someone, resist the urge to interrupt. Don't listen with the intent to rebut someone's remarks. Rather, listen to get the whole story, reflect on their words and then formulate your response. The more you can thoughtfully listen, the more people will be willing to open up to you.
Make People Feel Special
Because most people enjoy talking about themselves, encourage them to do so. Find out the other person's interests, and make it a point to talk about those things. For example, if you're going to a party at a filmmaker's house, study up on filmmaking. Go see one or two of his or her movies, or at least Google the person to learn more about his or her projects.
The bottom line is that most people like you when you make them feel special. And that's exactly what these communication, magnetism and listening techniques will enable you to do -- make others feel special and important. As Cavett Robert, founder of the National Speaker's Association, said, "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." The more you show people you care about them, the more they will like you.
Follow Lisa Haisha on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@lisahaisha
Dr. John Grohol: 4 Steps To Better Communication
How to Make People Instantly Like You - wikiHow
Verbal and nonverbal messages - CVTips.com
Presentation Zen: Our non-verbal messages are powerful
Paraverbal - Medical Definition and More from Merriam-Webster
It's really like a high wire act as it takes all your focus and attention and trust that it will work. I can't always do it as sometimes, I think I need to be strategizing or jumping in with a comment lest I forget it or wanting to be right or make MY point and so on. It takes a big commitment and practice, practice, practice but it is so worth it.
And, you're so right. People will love you/us for it. I know I love people who really 'listen' to me even if it's just a casual conversation.
Thanks for you comment.
fanned
It is sort of like learning 'balance' in order to ride a bicycle. Once you get balance, you have it for life even if you don't ride for a year and it's natural, doesn't require any thinking or remembering any lists of things.
If you want to be instantly liked, you have a problem. If everybody likes you, it's because you have almost no personality. If you have any opinions or anything you believe in, some people are not going to like you. Being instantly liked is a paltry, useless goal.
I would love to meet Betty White. I remember her 1952 TV show Life With Elizabeth and thought she was fantastic as Sue Ann Nivens in the Mary Tyler Moore Show, unmatched to this day. Now, I would fawn all over her and would want her to know what a gift she is to this country by being someone all America can love unconditionally. We need that right now.
I was surprised to meet Lorenzo Lamas back then as I assumed he would be kind of a jerk, full of himself from playing those tough guy motorcycle roles. But, he was as easy going and pleasant as you could want a person to be. Wow! Sometimes, things aren't as they might first appear.
The paraverbal message: Ethos, presenting yourself in a way that commands attention
The nonverbal message: Pathos, connecting emotionally with the audience
Is our society so far gone that no one knows Aristotle's works, and everyone needs pop-psychology to tell us these things? The concept of Ethos, Logos, and Pathos should have been learned in high school, but probably was not; there is no excuse for a college graduate to not understand these concepts.
This is not about being friendly, regardless of some of the inane posts after this article; it is about speaking in a way that connects with your audience, even if lecturing a group of unknowns...
This is something that can be learned, not some mystical trait...the fact that this article needs to be written, and so few understand the concept, says more about our educational system than our ability to communicate!
The article is helping those who look for ways to better themselves.
Read it all again with an open mind.
Good luck.
I think it translates wonderfully into the real world. I'm someone who loves to talk about myself AND I think my views are right, I wonder why I have a hard time making friends. I've been trying to challenge myself to listen more and to not discredit others' views so quickly.
As for many of you saying "Just be yourself!" Well, we're all imperfectly wonderful humans but sometimes we have such poor social skills, it's the equivalent of B.O. Nothing wrong with giving your "self" a metaphorical scrubbing to present the best side of yourself.
That's great that you are changing that about yourself. The more you work on that, the more you'll realize how flawed and self-defeating that type of behavior and thinking is. It's hard to do in today's day and age, but it's well worth it. I have been working on my listening skills for some time now, too. People really do respond well to it. Only problem is that once you learn how to properly listen and accept others' views, you realize how seldomly other people return it. Oh well lol
yeah yeah yeah/yada/yada and they are just tapping their mental foot til you finish.
-Visualization is key to manifesting the desired outcome in your life-
good grief.