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Lisa Jey Davis Headshot

Singles: Most People Wish They Were You

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Adult single people are an elite breed of human. Anyone who has become a part of a couple holds a deep-seated respect and reverence for their single friends (those single friends who are truly living, that is. Not the sad, sappy, bleeding heart single friends). In fact, the reverence and awe toward singles from their coupled-up counterparts is so great, it could be compared to that reserved for the Pope... or for George Clooney, perhaps.

Why is that? Why do so many people in committed relationships find themselves envious of their single friends so often? It's the singles' wild abandon, their untethered souls and their ability to leave a grocery store without shaving supplies for their boyfriend (or God forbid, Rogaine!) or tampons for their girlfriend. All of these truths are whispered about with great respect and fondness in the halls of coupledom.

I think singles forget just how unique and special they are. They must. Why else would there be so many articles (with discussion threads to match) on the best way to get dates, find Mr. or Mrs. Right or how to dress to attract the perfect partner? It's as if single people think they've got a horrible disease and the only cure is to latch on to someone. It's sad, really.

If single men and women would spend as much time cultivating happy and healthy single lives (truly put as much effort into becoming the great person they want to find, that is) as they do trying to "attract the perfect him or her," they would see just how good they've got it. Suddenly, people who are envious of their life and want to be in on their secrets would come out of the woodwork. It could cause a cataclysmic paradigm shift for the entire universe, actually. Imagine if singles stopped looking for partners altogether and stopped wanting to couple up? Now that would be interesting!

Ah, but this is not about the merits of being and staying single, and I am not bashing commitment or committed relationships. No, this is about not only accepting the fact that you are single, but thriving in it... relishing it... becoming the PROM QUEEN (or king) of it. I can't tell you the countless things I wished while I was married that would have been possible and easy had I been single. It was when I found myself thinking "maybe he'll die soon" about my ex, that I realized -- eh -- this relationship may have run its course! But there were so many other things I longed to try, or experience, like cooking classes with a top chef, or learning to Rhumba, even traveling through Paris and pretending not to speak a word of English... oh, the list goes on.

I suppose that is why, when my divorce was final several years ago, I heaved a heavy sigh of relief and, in addition to self healing, therapy and exploring who I was (on my own - apart from being the other half of someone), I never looked back. I dove into my singleness with both feet and have never looked back.

I love my singleness. My boyfriend, with whom I happen to live, loves his singleness as well. We both cherish and appreciate it, but we also recognize our fortune at being able to share our singleness together. We respect each other's individuality, each other's friends -- who are separate from "our friends" -- and our tastes, which don't always match. We honor and respect our personal life choices as well. Neither of us wishes to ever stifle or inhibit the other. If he wanted to travel to Paris on his own, he knows that he could, and hell yes, I am on a plane, if I so desire.

So, while I am hammering home the point that you should relish your singleness, I do understand that you don't necessarily want to depart this earth with no one at your bedside. I understand that sometimes things are beautiful in different and more enriching ways when shared.

It's when we STOP looking and accept where we are, make the very most of every moment and of ourselves that we become ready for Mr. or Mrs. Right.

We're a frail bunch, us humans. We never seem to be able to see the forest for the trees. I want you to realize that so many people wish they were you -- often. If we could trade singleness in stocks, it would be a bull market. The stock prices on singleness would always be through the roof.

My wish for you is that you walk away from this computer and go off to explore something new and interesting on your own. Think about something you have always wanted to try -- and do it. Don't talk about it, do it. And don't come back looking frantically for Mr. or Mrs. Right anymore. When you have accomplished what you should with yourself, he or she will materialize.