Two weeks after I moved out of my second husband's house, I learned that I had cancer. So now, when people tell me they're thinking of divorce, I tell them to get a full-body scan first. This always gets a few laughs. And it's laughter that's gotten me through the pain of divorce. You see, because I nearly lost my life to cancer, I've decided not to waste time thinking about what-ifs and what-could've-beens about my failed marriage. Instead, I focus on laughter and smiles. In fact, I'm dead serious about comedy.
I was really lucky to have the funniest and most positive woman I know, Kathleen Kinmont, divorce her husband at the exact same time I was. That was more than a year ago. Her explanation to people who look at her with judging eyes is, "I'm not a failure, I'm really good at marriage. I've already had three of them." A lot of people cry during a divorce, but during our divorces, Kathleen and I started a comedy web series about breakups. Not because we weren't in anguish over the death of our marriages, but because we felt better when we were making each other laugh.
The best advice I can give to newly separated singletons is to get giggling. Go to comedy clubs, watch funny movies, listen to stand -up comedy CDs in the car and find the funny in your life. It's there hiding under the covers with you and your shame from yet another unsuccessful venture. But don't beat yourself up for too long because the sooner you smile, the sooner you will attract positive energy and you will be rewarded for taking your future into your own hands and moving forward. There is life after divorce and you control whether you're upbeat and joyful or if you're still hiding behind a pint of ice cream with a roll of toilet paper because you ran out of Kleenex.
Making jokes about how great you are at sticking to your vows, addressing invitation envelopes and filing out government paperwork are wonderful ways to make light of a very tough situation. When Aunt Mary looks at you with concern, tell her, "Yes, I'm getting another divorce. I've come to realize that I don't really like marriages, but I just adore weddings. You really do give the best presents. Thanks again for the great vase. I hijacked it during the split with ex-husband number four. He had hidden it in a cupboard with his porn magazines, but I found it."
The year before my cancer diagnosis, my mother died from cancer. She knew hers was terminal, but instead of being depressed, she made everyone laugh. One time when the doctor told us some positive news, I said, "Mom, looks like there's light at the end of our tunnel." To which she replied, "Honey, that's just the train that's about to hit us." She had a quick wit that kept the doctors and nurses laughing during her many stays at the hospital. She got divorced when I was 7 and wore a T-shirt printed with the quote, "How do you spell relief? D-I-V-O-R-C-E." So when I get down on myself about my divorce, I remind myself that I am so blessed to be alive. And then I change my mind-set, I get out of my jammies, I put down the chocolate bar and I decide to be happy. It's a choice. Thanks, Mom, lesson learned.
Being a single mom to a 6-year-old, all the while battling thyroid cancer, is very tough, but I manage to find the humor in it. Laughing through the physical and mental pain is the best medicine. Divorce is an illness from which we have to heal, and the endorphins released from a great belly laugh really make a difference in our health. Life is short, why waste time being sad? Most people get divorced because they are miserable, so once they're out, it should be a time to giggle and heal. You laughed your way into the marriage; do your friends, family, and health a favor and laugh your way out.
Follow Lisa Marie Wilson on Twitter: www.twitter.com/lisamariewil
Bennett Arron: The Life And Dearth of a Comedian
http://pollyannasdivorce.blogspot.com/
Flown the world and never was controlled to this point by the Captain, I am sad but relieved because I do love him but cannot change his sad behaviour.
Again, no personal attack on you, it was a statement on ME & my "results".. just a 59 year old foggy ranting on! Good for you. Sounds like your life plan is working for you. And may you again find a life's partner to share with. This world is too hard to face alone. Deputy53 going 10-7.
He hasn't failed me yet.
There's a commitment you make when you get married-- to your church, or higher being. The commitment is to remain husband and wife through better and for worse. The "worse" can be pretty bad.
My own parents have been through heaven and (mostly) hell. Marriage isn't something to be taken lightly... it is a life-long commitment. I'm not sure of the thought process of the serial-marrier. There are relationships for a reason.
Please help me understand what you meant?
Is marriage the same as "very long-term relationships" where you are living with someone?
I haven't gone in a church, before the eyes of "God," and my family and said the words "I do."
That's the difference.
Some times we have to find something to keep us up or we collapse.
You can cry all you want at the pain and sadness of a divorce, but it doesn't change anything. If you can find a way to survive it and deal with it the better off you will be.
I can imagine that what the Moms T-shirt said is true in mane cases. Especially is abusive relationships.
Divorce is harder to deal with that a death. When a person dies, there is no choice in it, you lose them. But when you lose someone you love to a divorce, they are still alive and living a life, only you are not a part of it anymore.
I seriously doubt this woman laughed everyday all day throught the divorce. ANd she does say she didn't want her kids to see her in a bad state. She did what she could for herself as much as her kids.....
IF your wife left you and you got the kids, then the part about only 1 of 3 kids wanting to bother: is that regarding you or her? Do you have contact with all 3 kids and she only has contact with the 1 kid that wants to "bother" or is it vice versa?
Divorce is one of life's many disasters, no doubt about it but ….
There is a time for tears, and a time for laughter, both are needed to make it in life. Reread the original article; maybe you will see the tears between the lines.
So, youre advising women to scam their husbands if theyre sick and stick around, letting him take care of them. And then, and ONLY then, after theyre all better and well, tell him "see ya, sucker."
Oh for goodness sakes!! Lighten up!!
DIVORCE. Thanks. And God Bless you. I hope you find remission. God Speed...V.