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Lisa R. Petty
I’m a three-cat crazy writer who also happens to have two dogs, which means I spend a lot of time talking to animals. They haven’t started talking back, but they do blog on Petty Thoughts.

I started writing when I was 7, when I would jot down alternate plot lines for the Saturday morning cartoons. Misfit Academy is my first published novel. I am currently writing The Lizard King Club, a novel that explores what would happen if certain members of the 27 club reincarnated. I also like to blog, eat my husband’s delicious cooking, embarrass my teen son and spend way too much time on Facebook and Twitter.

Entries by Lisa R. Petty

Murdering My Sanity at the Dinner Theater

(2) Comments | Posted July 15, 2015 | 5:53 PM

On Friday nights, I usually change in to my pajamas at 5, order a pizza, have an extra glass of wine, and watch Shark Tank with my husband. Last Friday was a wee bit different. My good friend M had a couple of extra tickets to the murder mystery dinner...

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Your Best Worst BFF Ever

(0) Comments | Posted June 16, 2015 | 4:28 PM

I am a self-described hermit, but lately, I have felt a little lonely. DON'T TELL ANYONE THIS. You will ruin my image. Anyway, yes, this cat-loving loner has felt the need for more human companionship. Sure, I live with the boy and the husband, and they are both my best...

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10 Common Sense Commandments

(0) Comments | Posted May 27, 2015 | 4:00 AM

I was just on the elliptical, aka the hamster wheel, and "Days Like These" by Asia came on. Since I refuse to leave the '80s music behind, I have a lot of older songs on my iPod, but this one really motivated me right as my arthritic left ankle threatened...

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A Letter to My Graduate

(2) Comments | Posted May 21, 2015 | 2:20 PM

My son, my one and only child, graduates this week. So, in the spirit of letting go, I tried to imagine what life will be like for him in 10 years. This is what I came up with.

June 1, 2025

Dear Son,

You always told me that you...

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Not Missing My Baby

(18) Comments | Posted April 17, 2015 | 2:07 PM

As I flip through Facebook statuses, a lot of things make me roll my eyes. There are always super religious posts or political "arguments" on Zuckerberg's brain suck site. No matter where you fall on the religiopolical spectrum, there is always something to piss you off or make you want...

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Coping With the Cough Plague of 2015

(7) Comments | Posted March 19, 2015 | 7:12 AM

There's some sort of lingering coughing illness around this season. I've been told it is "acute bronchitis." Well, I don't think it's very cute. Just about everyone I know has it, even me. I'm starting to think that this is a The Stand scenario, and we will all start dropping...

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Super Bowl Activities for Sports Haters

(2) Comments | Posted February 1, 2015 | 6:31 PM

I realize that I could be deported for saying this but I can't hold back any more. I hate sports. I find sports so boring that I once brought a stack of magazines with me to the World Series. My husband at the time was, and probably still is, a...

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Get Spit-Free Drinks While Flying

(1) Comments | Posted January 20, 2015 | 10:16 AM

I just went to a fabulous conference last week, even though, like most hermits, I hate to travel. HATE. IT. I especially despise air travel because it includes other people in my personal space, breathing my air, giving me germs. Hey, airline bigwigs, could we put the seats just a...

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8 Ways to Communicate in 2015

(0) Comments | Posted December 30, 2014 | 4:28 PM

Like a lot of people who stare at screens all day, I prefer quick, clear communication. My husband tells me that I have a PhD in straight forward, and I tend to agree. I wish everyone had the same degree, but most have not mastered simple communication rules.

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6 Frugal and Fabulous Last Minute Christmas Gifts

(4) Comments | Posted December 20, 2014 | 4:55 PM

I'm already done with my holiday shopping, but I understand that some of you out there can't read a calendar and always need to do things at the last minute. So for you, I made a list of my favorite last minute gifts. It's kind of like Oprah's favorite things...

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Christmas Wrapping With the Cat

(2) Comments | Posted December 16, 2014 | 5:22 PM

That says WRAPPING, not rapping. So, if you came here to see me sing a down and funky Christmas tune with Andre, you will be sadly disappointed. Andre can't rap, and he also can't wrap, but he at least tries to do the second. By tries to wrap, I mean...

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If '80s Songs Were Written Today

(0) Comments | Posted December 16, 2014 | 12:41 PM

Young people, in order for you to understand this blog, you need to be aware of a dark time in human history. There was a time -- brace yourselves -- when people did not have smartphones or even regular cell phones. No, not even flip phones. I know. I know....

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Christmas Nazis and Thanksgiving Purists

(0) Comments | Posted November 30, 2014 | 2:50 AM

It's that time of year when the Christmas Nazis and the Thanksgiving Purists have a pissing contest with the rest of the world. Don't pretend you don't know them. They're not opposing gangs in a Kirk Cameron film about how the liberal media grinds up Christmas trees to make Satanic...

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Snarky Facebook Friend Island

(7) Comments | Posted September 25, 2014 | 12:03 AM

Last month, Huffington Post published my 10 Tiresome Facebook Friends blog and it ended up being really popular. I was stunned and thrilled all at once. There were 135,000 likes, and 22,300 shares, along with 729 comments. Before I read any of the comments, I braced myself because...

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Killer Asbestos

(0) Comments | Posted September 10, 2014 | 2:10 PM

When most people hear the word asbestos, they think of lead paint, yellow Formica counter tops, Happy Days lunch boxes, and children riding bikes without helmets. Asbestos is thought to be a thing that died years ago. Most folks live their lives without ever worrying about asbestos exposure and the...

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Die 10 nervigsten Freunde, die man bei Facebook haben kann

(1) Comments | Posted August 22, 2014 | 7:24 PM

Vor Kurzem habe ich angekündigt, dass ich damit aufhören werde, mich selbst zu zensieren. Ja, liebe Leser, ich HABE mich zurückgehalten. Ich weiß, das ist beängstigend. Es erschreckt mich auch, aber ich muss ehrlicher in meinen Texten werden. Ich bin eigentlich schon ziemlich ehrlich, wenn ich rede. Ich habe die...

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Not THIS time, Breast Cancer

(18) Comments | Posted August 21, 2014 | 2:55 PM

I have been having mammograms since I was 30, and I am just a LITTLE BIT older than that now. OK, I will be 43 in two weeks. My mom had breast cancer in her 40's, and a cousin on my mom's side had it in her 30's. So, it's...

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Prettier Than John Stamos

(0) Comments | Posted August 19, 2014 | 5:33 PM

Even though I spent over $300 to buy two front row tickets to the Beach Boys concert at the state fair, I still roll my eyes at the Beach Boys' music. I'm a head banger from the '80s. I don't want to hear a bunch of geriatric men harmonize over...

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Reject the Ice Bucket Challenge

(16) Comments | Posted August 19, 2014 | 2:44 PM

Unless you live under a rock without Wifi (I think even rocks have Wifi now), you have heard about the Ice Bucket Challenge. It has it's own official hashtag and everything. Just in case you haven't heard of it, I will give you the CliffsNotes version.

This is how...

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10 categorie di amici su Facebook insopportabili

(7) Comments | Posted August 15, 2014 | 5:57 AM

Di recente, ho annunciato che avrei smesso di auto-censurarmi. Sì, lettori, mi sono trattenuta. So che può fare paura, spaventa anche me, ma ho davvero bisogno di essere finalmente franca quando scrivo. Ero già piuttosto schietta nel parlare, ho visto le facce delle persone contorcersi quando dicevo qualcosa...

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