Unfetter Women's Intellect on Campaign Trail

I've got whiplash. That's how quickly the national discussion of women's leadership has changed from one of the merits of an accomplished senator turned potential first female president to the clothes of the potential first ladies.

Media coverage everywhere is "Michelle vs. Cindy." Where do they buy their dresses? Do they make bacon for breakfast? And, of course, which one can we compare to Jackie O?

Is anyone else as appalled as I am at how quickly we have gone back to thinking of women in the oldest of stereotypes -- as only wives and mothers?

I'm a wife. I'm a mother. I love my family. But I'm other things, too. We all know that the presidents' wives play an important role in policy and diplomacy in one way or another. Just look at the publicly recognized legacy of Eleanor Roosevelt, which proves how a strong first spouse (it just happens to be that they've all been first "ladies" so far) makes a country stronger.

So why do we hide it by focusing on hair, clothes and what's on the breakfast table? Isn't this part of the mostly unspoken sexism that Sen. Hillary Clinton and even the media have highlighted all along?

In "Michelle Obama Highlights Her Warmer Side" in the New York Times Thursday, TV critic Alessandra Stanley wrote that "Mrs. Obama distanced herself from that model [of the assertive career woman] on The View, describing herself as a mother and not mentioning her law career or her views on policy."

How does not mentioning her career or policy positions make her warmer? Isn't this just another case of someone deciding that people can't handle a strong woman? Isn't this just another case of wives and women being forced into the "seen and not heard" box?

Clinton is probably having cookie-baking flashbacks.

The new focus on Obama's hair and hemlines comes right on the heels of the gender-biased way the media covered Clinton's campaign. If we let this go on, we risk losing an important opportunity to have a national dialogue about sexism.

We should be holding the media accountable for perpetuating stereotypes. If a white woman is strong, she's considered cold -- as the coverage of Cindy McCain has shown. If a black woman is strong, she's obviously angry -- so go the accusations about Michelle Obama.

But the responsibility doesn't just rest on the media. The campaigns themselves shoulder some of the weight, too. Do the McCain and Obama teams want to play into the stereotypes of first ladies that are only soft and sweet? Is Michelle going to quit giving her husband the "new high five" fist because it comes across as too strong? I hope not.

Four years ago I had both the pleasure and the somewhat freaky experience of running for "president" on Showtime's American Candidate. The show had 10 real Americans traveling the country, kissing babies, debating foreign policy and laying out five-point economic plans.

At each and every campaign stop, I was approached by women and girls who said, "Finally, someone who looks like me running for office -- a strong woman." I had to remind them that I was just playing a candidate on television, not actually running for the real deal.

While America's women and girls lost the opportunity to see themselves reflected in the top job this round, what we can't do is lose the opportunity to change the way women -- and first ladies -- are portrayed.

It's a tough line, no doubt. For the most part, we want to feel and look beautiful. We love our families and feel proud about our personal and professional accomplishments.

But if we let the conversation about the first ladies focus mostly on the role and status of the conventional "Mrs.," we've lost a huge opportunity to reframe gender and marriage dynamics in our country.

We all need to take it upon ourselves to strike up a conversation about how we can end sexism in America. Contact the press when they get it right -- and not so right. And I'm going to write Michelle Obama to let her know that when she portrays herself as strong, I feel strong, too.

If this election didn't fulfill the hopes and dreams of many women and girls who wanted to see themselves reflected in the White House, the least we can do for them is use it as an opportunity to change the frame of wives and women from here on out.

Note: Article first appeared in Newsday, June 23, 2008.

Comments

[Rockerbabe]

And the media executives announce that sexism didn't play a part in Senator Clinton's defeat! Oh rubbish! Here we go again, discussing the domestic value of women as if nothing else mattered. Well it does matter - professions, political views, religious views all matter, but I do believe they only matter if the one espousing them is male. So much for advancement.

[woodsywizz]

No offense, but hasn't the 'national dialogue' about sexism been taking place in cafeterias and classrooms around the world for decades? Not the one you wish to see in the papers...apparently...but even in these few comments it's clear that 'dialogue' has been forming for a long time, and influencing new generations too. Possibly for the better?

[heal57]

Lisa; Hillary Clinton is not a strong role model nor is she an independent woman. Please, give it up already. Many of 'us' are wives, single parents, moms, sisters, and friends. Hillary deserved to lose the democratic nomination. She assumed she would be coronated president. She has money, power and the celebrity status of having been married to a former president of the U.S.; albeit a philandering president of the U.S. who she has continually put up with for fame. Hillary was given a senate seat in New York which she had no relationship to because she was a former first lady. I, and many other women, have done more with much less resources and no help from powerful men. We've worked outside the home, brought up our kids, budgeted our households, and done countless important other things for the benefit of ourselves, our children and our communities. I like seeing the first lady's style; there's nothing wrong with that. It's what you are inside that makes a woman independent and secure, and many of us are.

[Jjc2006]

Women like you make me roll my eyes in disgust and hang my head in disappointment. You have bought every piece of right wing spin and lies. You defend your own sexism and the sexism other women display with "look at me....I did it...."

I am saddened for the young women who have witnessed how pathetically angry and threatened women are when a strong, hard working women, who is imperfect is treated so poorly and dishonestly by other women.

[JimR]

Oh, boo frickin' hoo for poor Hillary! She is a very intelligent and capable woman, but 22 of her alleged 35 years of experience consisted of little more than being married to a public official (when Bill was attorney general, governor and then president).

But if anyone DARES criticize her for anything, you respond with petulant accusations of buying right-wing spin or engaging in sexism. Because GOD FORBID it ever be suggested that Hillary could in any way do anything wrong. No, nothing is EVER her fault.

In my last state election, I voted for women for governor and attorney general. In my lifetime, I look forward to voting for a woman for president. But it will be one who has advanced on her own accomplishments, one who is not divisive and one who does not trot out the Karl Rove playbook in her unbridled lust for power.

[truthskr]

Speaking as a young, successful feminist, my fellow sisters and I have only witnessed one group of women acting pathetically angry and threatened - our second wave feminist mothers who, as supporters of Hillary, sold out their feminist ideals with all of their foaming at the mouth vote-vagina-at-all-costs, threatening, victimization rhetoric.

Hillary is the epitome of the woman who abandoned the feminist movement and it's goals of gender equality - she sacraficed her own career, power, and voice for the advancement of a man, that being her husband. If we're all honest with ourselves, she left her career as a lawyer to live largely as the first lady, as someone's wife, for decades. She relinquished her dignity and integrity to defend Bill when repeatedly cheated on her and made a public fool of her. As Bill's spouse, she supported and promoted a proven womanizer. And in doing so, she's benefited financial as well as politically. As a feminist,and a humanist, I am far from impressed. But I have been even less impressed by all of the angry, bitter second wave feminists who I at one time admired more than any other group, acting like a group of jilted tween girls, wasting all of their political and intellectual capital on a candidate who is a pathetic excuse for a feminist.

[heal57]

What the heck are you talking about?????

[becky]

If there is one thing that I learned throughout Hillary Clinton's campaign is that no-one
controls what the media does. They are an entity without accountability.
They run the show, and they control public opinion.

[kvet]

Becky:

Apparently,,,,,,,,You Dont control Making up your Own Mind regarding anything.....

Thats what happens when you choose to Ignore Wisdom and Insight.

You End up becoming Totally MisInformed.

[XME]

I'm a woman, and I completely disagree that "we" view women overall as only wives and mothers. I don't think that can be judged based on the women who are in the "running" for First Lady. That role is the role of a WIFE...like it or not.

No one has those discussions about women is serious roles of power, but First Ladies are not roles of "power"...they are roles of wives of people with power.

[larmarch5]

I felt equally supportive of Hillary and Barack -- until Hillary dropped out. Then I went to Barack's web site. The "wemmens section" is so lame. I suggested he add a section on leadership if it has to be segregated. Now he's flipped on FISA and I don't think he, or Hillary, would have flipped on that issue. I keep commenting to MSNBC and CNN that they really need more women doing commentary, and Gwen Ifill is doing a great job on the News Hour on PBS. Now that Tiger is out with knee surgery, I'll be watching LPGA since Ochoa is more exciting to watch than any of the other male golfers. And I won't be going to any p-rick flicks this summer.

[mcw123]

The First Lady, by definition, is the wife of the President. She is neither senator nor CEO, nor should she be judged by those standards. The only necessities are a chocolate chip cookie recipe (sorry Cindy!), a Vicodin addiction (yea Cindy!) and charm (yea Michelle!). Seriously, do we really need hard-hitting reporting on Cindy"s CAFTA position to feel fulfilled and respected as women?

Now I"m sorry the pre-modern feminists did not get their token female POTUS. I"m sorry some feel our daughters now lack powerful, intelligent, XY chromosome-carrying role models. I heartily disagree, but then again my mother was my role model and I"m happy for my daughter to look up to either Obama. Ovaries aren"t required to be inspirational in my home.

I say we embrace the dwindling few characteristics and interests that separate women from men, lest we become grouchier, gassier, balder versions of ourselves. Gender neutrality is not gender equality and fashion is not a four-letter word.

[savagetiger]

It almost seems that women as a group are having an identity crisis. As a white male, maybe each of you should figure it out on your own, and come to your own conclusions, then get back to me. Somehow, women's lack of identity is my fault, yet I'm not even sure what, if anything, they're trying to get me to conclude.

Stay at home moms are OK, then they're not. Choice to do that is OK, then its not. Women are equivalent to men, but aren't allowed to be treated like one (apparently speaking to a women in the 21st century requires a handbook. Anybody care to supply me with a copy?)

I keep hearing that this is the fault of the elder feminists - but I don't agree to some degree. That culture/movement had a purpose - to wake society up to the discrimination and inequality shouldered by women. This latest "movement" from the fringes of HRC doesn't seem to have any other purpose but vengeance - which will backfire because it re-enforces and "falsely proves" the stereotype of the vengeful, incapable woman and they're simply not enough ideologues in this group to accomplish the "goal" of electing McCain. When you call someone's "bluff" and they actually had the royal straight, you're no longer relevant.

So, figure it out, then get back to me. Until then, I'm not really listening - and, sadly, most others aren't either.

[LillianB]

"Women as a group is having an identity crisis". And we should solve that "crisis" by underlining our individuality? You might "keep hearing", but you aren't listening, mister - the problem Lisa Witter is writing about is that each of us - women, as men alike - DO have our own individuality. We ARE all individuals. We DO choose individually. We DO figure it out on our own. We DO come to our own conclusions, and we keep being more than myths & roles & stereotypes. But certain people (again, women and men alike) refuse to see that individuality, reducing us to childbearers, wives, looks, cooks, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And that role - the "traditional" woman's role - keep being looked upon as a less "important" one than the man's. It keeps being more narrow and with less room for the individuality each of us actually DOES possess. And that's what sexism is made of - that's what keeps up the appearance that we are as human beings somewhat less important than men.

[heal57]

The 'traditional' womans role has been disrespected in America for a long time. Women now work until they're practically ready to deliver a baby, instead of leaving work a couple of months before the birth of a child; and they don't have the freedom to stay home and care for him/her. All the things a woman does at home would cost a fortune to have other people do. Women in some European countries get 2 months of care after they have a baby and those that work get months off with pay. Father's get leave with pay for several weeks in some countries. We here in America have made womens' traditional work 'worthless' because of a male-dominated culture for years which seeks money and 'business' is the only important thing in life. If women are honest, most older man valued their jobs first, and family a distant second. Hopefully this will totally change. The younger males are better; we hve to get government that way too.