Time Well Spent: Volunteering in the Foster Care System

Time is a commodity. It's been compared with money. We only have so much of it in this lifetime, so time is precious. And how we spend our time says a lot about what is important to us. Recently I've had a big change in where I've been finding my time spent - and it has surprised me, in many wonderful ways.

I've done the career thing, a couple of times over in a couple of different incarnations. And I've done the mom thing -- wholeheartedly: from carpools and karate, to homework and heartache and everything in between. And all along the way I've been involved with some kind of service. But it was always secondary to the job, or the kids, because there is only so much time to go around, especially for a working mom.

When my boys left for college I found myself with time on my hands. This is something that hasn't happened since I gave birth. Yes, I've still got work, but a person can only sit in front of a computer for so many hours a day without going crazy! I decided to volunteer at a group foster home.

The process for this is quite extensive. I had to go through security clearance, including fingerprinting and a TB test. And I also had to go through training. It took a couple of months for all the paperwork to go through, but now I'm officially a volunteer. And I love it!

In the past, when I've volunteered it was all about making gift baskets for silent auctions, going to lunch meetings, and selling raffle tickets to raise money for the organization. I wanted to contribute in a different way, to actually work with the kids. In one of my work incarnations I was a modeling school teacher, so I have experience working with teen girls. This population is the most "at-risk" in the foster care world and I felt it was a place where I could make some sort of a difference. At this particular foster home, there are 14 teen girls who live on campus.

A group foster home is often the last stop for kids. At this point they have nowhere else to go. Most of them are there through no fault of their own. If they have parents, their parents are abusive, addicted to drugs, or in jail. Or they are simply unable to cope with the difficulties that their child is going through. Most of the kids are SED, or severely emotionally disturbed. This foster home has family outreach, and things like parenting classes, with the goal of bringing the family back together again. But the reality is that just about 3% of the kids who arrive at group homes eventually return to a healthy family situation.

I waltzed in to the girls cottage thinking this was going to be fun, that the girls would be happy to see me, and that we'd have tea parties and book clubs. I quickly learned to not have any expectations, or any particular plans, and to just be present for whatever needs they had at the moment. One of the staff members told me that these kids are like porcupines. They are withdrawn, and suspicious, and have their spikes up to protect themselves. You need to approach cautiously, and gently. And when a porcupine throws out a spike, you can't be surprised, or angry, because it's just the nature of the animal. With everything these kids have been through in their young lives, it is completely understandable for them to be on guard.

Where we started to bond was in the kitchen. These girls need their spirits to be fed, and sometimes the best way to do that is by starting with their stomachs. Group homes aren't known for their gourmet cuisine, and the weekend dinners are the most dreaded of all the meals. By cooking together, good wholesome meals with lots of fresh vegetables, we were able to fill up the cottage with yummy smells that made the place feel much more like a home than an institution. While cooking we can talk amongst the activity, so there are no awkward pauses. And we have a mutual goal that we accomplish together, something tangible to both serve and enjoy in a delicious meal.

I've been going up there every Sunday to make dinner with the girls. And I find that during the week, I miss them, so I'm up there at least a couple of times in the afternoons just to hang out, help them with their projects, and generally be available. I've given them books, and DVDs, and I bring fresh fruit for after school snacks. But what they really appreciate, more than anything, is my time. It's just the being there that really makes a difference. And as time goes on, I'm discovering that more and more, this is where I am choosing to spend my time. Vedic philosophy says that the three most important things we can give our children are attention, affection, and time. The children in the foster care system are starved for all three. And this is something that any of us can provide without spending a dime.

As I learn more about how everything works with foster care, I'm finding more ways that those of us who want to help can really make a difference.

Right now there are more than 780,000 children in the United States who are in the foster care system because they are unable to live safely at home. Most of these children are there through no fault of their own, but because their parents can't, or won't, take care of them. The children often have difficulty trusting people, and making lasting relationships because so many strangers come in and out of their lives: police officers, lawyers, judges, therapists, social workers, and foster parents. If they are placed in a group home, there is also several different staff throughout the week to watch over the kids. They can be moved from home to home, and school to school, with little or no notice. It can be daunting, and even scary for a child.

Thankfully, there is a volunteer organization called CASA: Court Appointed Special Advocates for Children. CASA volunteers are appointed by judges to look out for specific children in the overburdened legal and social service system. These volunteers make sure that the children's needs are being met, that they aren't getting lost in the system, or languishing in a group or foster home that is not appropriate for them. The CASA stays with the child until the case is closed, and the child is placed in a safe, permanent home. Because foster kids move around so much, many times the CASA volunteer is the one constant adult presence, the one adult they can count on to care for them, and advocate for them. The CASA volunteer really gives the child a voice, by speaking on the child's behalf in the courtroom and in team meetings so that the needs of the child are addressed and met.

If you have some time to spend, and you want to make a lifelong difference for a child who really needs your help, consider volunteering in a foster home. Or even better, consider becoming a CASA. Last year, more than 68,000 CASA volunteers served more than 240,000 abused and neglected children through 1,018 program offices. CASA volunteers have helped more than two million children since the program was established in 1977. Currently there are not enough CASA volunteers to go around. Statistics show that children with a CASA volunteer are far more likely to find the services and resources they need and go on to lead successful and productive lives. Now can't we all consider that to be time well spent?

For more information, visit the CASA website: nationalcasa.org

Follow Lissa Coffey on Twitter: www.twitter.com/coffeytalk

Comments

[pinkpanther52]

Lisa,
I think it's wonderful work your doing.
These girls need someone to help them establish peramiters of acceptable relationships.
I've worked with so many girls who have no idea what is acceptable. They have gone through the system and come out clueless.
One is with the baby daddy who consistently beats her.
One is married to a habitual adulterer.
One married not one, but two drug addict abusers.
It breaks my heart, because they don't even know that those things are totally unacceptable.
Give them a strong, lasting idea of what a real loving relationship is and save them from a future of misery.
You Go Girl

[nkwoodard]

part 3

I want ot point one more thing out. Group homes. We have them because there are not enough foster homes. Not enough people willing to give 24/7. We were called by a state worker once. She was in her car with a youth driving around looking for a foster home because she had NO PLACE to take that child. Can you amagine how that child felt?

You may have an a opition. We all do. But do you have the time and willingness to do more? If so, find out what you can do to make a differance.

[nkwoodard]

part 2

Mr Wexler is very correct on a number of points. I just felt that this wasn't the place to air them. For anyone considering working with state wards it is important to remember that no one has the "right" answers and no one is at fault. Pointing blame sloves nothing. Clearly we are dealing with a system that eats at itself. In a perfect world children would grow up with two loving parents and live without pain and suffering. That just isn't the case all the time. Even for children that do live with their parents.

If you or other reader feel that they want to give of their time this would be a wonderful area to consider. CASA is a good starting point. The CASA worker is often the only single consistant person that these youth know. So it is important to take this as a commitment. It should be pointed out that CASA is on a county level, not a state level. Usually for younger children. They have a voice in the courts but they are not the final voice. Parents still have rights and I agree that they should. I also agree that more often then not the voice of the parent gets over run by this system. But again, that is a system problem. In the mean time the children need caring adults that want to help and understand them. That will take an active role.

[nkwoodard]

I read your post with great interest. I am a foster parent and have been for 8 years now. My husband and I raised 5 sons and when they left home I felt as if I still had something to offer. Being a foster parent seems to fill the void.

I understand all too well the feelings expressed here. Not only yours but that of Mr Wexler. I so often see the down side of this system and agree that it needs some changes. However, these disfunctions are in the system and not with the child. I also understand that in most cases it is the child that "pays" the price for these failings.

I admire your giving of your time and talents to this group home. It is needed and each life you touch will be changed in some way. You may never know what stepping stone you have laid for them to follow but I assure you you have.

[rwexler648]

Thank you lafemmeartiste for at least being willing to listen.
Nowhere in my previous posts do I say it is wrong to volunteer to help children.
--Promoting an organization that actually prolongs children’s time in foster care and reduces their chances of placement with relatives instead of strangers – according to a study they commissioned themselves: that’s wrong.
--Failing to examine whether there are better options for children than institutionalizing them: that’s wrong.
--Pretending that the racial and class bias that permeate the rest of society magically stop at the child welfare system’s doors: that’s wrong.
--Doing children enormous harm by accepting the Disney version of how the system works – in which children only are taken when absolutely necessary and there has to be evidence first – instead of looking at how it works in real life: that’s wrong.
--Doing children enormous harm by ignoring violations of due process that would have liberals furious in any other field but somehow are o.k. when someone whispers “child abuse” in our ears: that’s wrong.
--Engaging in self-indulgent self congratulation for spending a few hours being pals with a child without critically examining the system that has done those children so much harm – or worse, promoting and defending that system: that’s wrong.
But doing volunteer work? Nothing wrong with that at all.
Those willing to join lafemmeartiste in at least considering another point of view – and the facts behind it - can find it our website, www.nccpr.org

[rwexler648]

What Happyhartsd portrays in her comment is the Disney version: The system only takes children when there is real evidence of maltreatment, there’s no other choice etc. In fact, state laws typically define “neglect” as lack of adequate food, clothing, shelter and supervision. Yes, that includes parents who deliberately starve children – it also includes families where the foodstamps run out at the end of the month.
No evidence is required to remove a child, caseworkers can do it on their own say so – before the case goes to court. Since birth parents almost never have a lawyer at the first hearing a few days later, and judges are afraid of the press if they send a child home and something goes wrong, the decisions almost always are rubber stamped.

And then a usually white, upper middle class CASA steps in to pass judgment on the almost always impoverished disproportionately minority families. And that typically prolongs the foster care and reduces the chance that the child at least will be placed with a relative.

Race and class bias? Here are just two examples: http://bit.ly/r0hvZ http://bit.ly/1a3iwE But I’ll bet almost no one here will read them.

Richard Wexler
Executive Director
National Coalition for Child Protection Reform
www.nccpr.org

[lafemmeartiste]

What is equally interesting are all the conmments filled with an eagerness to shoot down a potential nay-sayer to silence...­?

While one voice dissents, many others voices rush in to close ranks...

What's wrong with this picture?

A fan of Lissa's work for years now, I also always find it refreshing when one courageously person steps forward with passion and (possibly) frustration, to voice a different perspective with what sounds to me like direct, personal experience in the area featured in this post: Foster Children.

Can anyone just hear difference non-judgmentally? May I suggest that each make some informed inquiries of the ONE different perspective, to see if you can discern where that person is coming from and possibly why?

What does anyone have to lose to possibly learn from one differing view? What might we each learn?

Is this not America?

[nostalgicdot]

I think what you are doing to try to help these girls is awesome. I don' t see where someone spending quality time with children & being a positive role model for them can do anything but help these girls.
I know that I've always heard that you can't please everybody all of the time. Well, I also believe that there are those people that can never be pleased no matter what. I don't understand where this Mr. W. or Mr. Negativity got his attitude from or just what has caused him to be so negative, but don't let that stop you from doing what you know feels right to you.
I have read some about being a CASA before & I think I will check further into the matter, just to find out exactly what one needs to do to become an advocate for a foster child. I cannot see how it could possibly hurt children to have consistency in their lives.
I commend you for being a positive influence on these girls and for devoting your time to help people less fortunate than others.

[happyhartsd]

Giving your time to children in the dependency care system makes a tremendous, positive impact in their lives. I know because I am a CASA; I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Children of varying race, color, sex, age, and religion end up in the system. Drugs, abuse and neglect do not discriminate: they affect the rich and the poor, the young and the old, the black and the white. When a child ends up in the system, her race, age, or religious background does not matter. What matters is that the child was abused, neglected, and/or exposed to things she should not have seen. It is not her fault. She suffered at the hands of the person/people who are supposed to care for, protect, and guide her. Then she is removed from all that she knows and placed in a home(s) with complete strangers. Her parent(s) may or may not work to get her back. The child deserves to have an adult that she can trust, that is a constant, and that is looking out for her best interest. Often time, CASAs work with the parents, encouraging them to work toward their case plan, facilitating family visits, and trying to reunite the family. Most people don’t realize that it takes substantiated evidence to remove a child from her home. It could take several referrals to Child Protective Services before the drug use or physical/sexual abuse is evident enough to warrant a child’s removal from her home.

[hollylaw]

Lissa-

Good for you. Don't let that other gentleman drag you down.The truth is there are a lot of ways to get side tracked- discussions about what's working and what isn't within ANY organization. There are always things that can be improved upon. But letting that stop someone from actually helping would be ridiculous. Those kids don't care about studies, they just need the kind of support you are providing.­The fact that you are in the trenches, so to speak, helping out these kids who need attention like flowers need the sun is SO POSITIVE. I appreciate your good example.

My husband and I have been considering adoption through the foster system for a few months now and whenever I hear positive stories like yours it helps me move closer to a decision.

Thank you.

[namastejen]

it seems so strange to me that someone can find a reason to argue against this kind of selfless service to others. sure, the foster care system needs reform. but do you seriously mean to say that people SHOULDN'T spend their time making a difference to one child? surely that's not what you meant. if you make a difference even to ONE child you have made a difference to the whole of humanity. just because there are broken parts of the system, does that mean we should neglect all the truly suffering children, who are alone with noone to advocate for them? it may be true that there are abuses within the system, and that some families may have had their children removed without proper justification. but even THOSE children deserve to have someone nice come over to their group home and make dinner for them and act like they are important. speaking of civil liberties, children don't even HAVE rights unless an adult is present to advocate for them. CPS doesn't just show up and start taking people's kids away. sure, there should be more ways to teach at-risk parents how to provide a safe home for children. but until humanity has evolved and people no longer hurt their children, we must be there for the ones who need us.

how can anyone argue against volunteering to help foster kids? seriously i don't understand.

[rwexler648]

Actually, sometimes CPS *does* just start showing up and taking kids. In particular, there is a huge problem with confusing family poverty with “neglect.”

It is one thing to be nice and make kids dinner – of course there is nothing wrong with that.
But there is something very wrong with pretending that it is o.k. to institutionalize children and that good intentions make an institution a home. Even if one believes that all the children really needed to be taken away, the best option for children who can’t go home is adoption. But since 83 percent of foster children are adopted by foster parents or extended families, institutionalizing them denies them their best shot at a real, permanent home.

And it is wrong to promote an organization like CASA in which overwhelmingly white upper middle class volunteers wind up passing judgment on overwhelmingly poor disproportionately minority homes. The harm is outlined in CASA’s own study.

Also: the mandate of a CASA is *not* to advocate for what the child wants – it’s to push for what the CASA thinks is best even if the child wants the opposite. Of course children shouldn’t always get what they want, but please don’t confuse what a CASA does with advocating for children’s rights.

If you really want to know more, click on the links in my first post, and check our website, www.nccpr.org

[EarthMotherInCleveland]

I'm not sure why Wexler continues to attack you on this topic Lissa -- I hope you're now just ignoring that big huge ego of his and his subtly vicious admonishment of your volunteering efforts.
I commend you for the time you're giving to those kids. All politics aside, they really just need to feel safe and feel like someone cares about them. You're obviously doing that for them and I think that's the greatest gift you could give them. I myself was laid-off from my job seven months ago and am now afforded the time to deliver hot meals two days a week to senior citizens who are shut-in. It's a great feeling to know that no matter how you get involved or what type of volunteer work you choose you are bringing positive energy into someone's life and to the planet. This helps raise the consciousness of the entire planet. There are thousands of organizations out there that need volunteers -- orgs that deal with kids, animals, the environment, diseases and their cures, homeless, poverty, clean water...th­e list is endless. Check out: www.serve.gov and www.myspace.com/presidentialpledge to get involved.

[rwexler648]

Part two of two
And the organization that makes all of the problems of wrongful removal, confusing poverty with neglect and racial bias in child welfare worse, is CASA. That’s not because the volunteers don’t mean well - of course they do; almost everyone in the system does. But CASA, by its very nature, magnifies all the racial and class bias built into the system, something well documented in this story from the trade journal Youth Today and reprinted on an allied website: http://bit.ly/10ASiN

The story talks about the most comprehensive study of CASA ever done, one commissioned by CASA itself, which found no evidence that the program improves child safety, even as it prolongs foster care and reduces the chances that children are placed with relatives instead of strangers. See the study for yourself here: http://bit.ly/b41d2

And then there are the times when the bias comes out in the open in its ugliest form: http://bit.ly/13ae8G , http://bit.ly/1bfVii

If HuffPost allowed real dissent on this issue – like some blogs from those of us on the “Family Values Left,” I could say much more; as it is I’ll just have to refer anyone interested to my organization’s site, www.nccpr.org

Richard Wexler
Executive Director
National Coalition for Child Protection Reform
www.nccpr.org

[Lissa Coffey - Huffpost Blogger]

Mr. Wexler -
Yes, the system is flawed. But while we work for reform, we can still help the children. How do I know about the family backgrounds of the 14 teen girls I work with? Because they told me, I have a relationship with them. None of the 14 are African American. They are either white, hispanic, or mixed race. I have not seen any racial or class bias at all. These are children who need our attention, affection, and time, and that's what matters.

Also, this particular group home, which houses about 70 children total, provides parenting classes, family therapy, and so much more to provide support for these families with the goal of reuniting everyone. They also provide individual and group therapy for the children. There is extensive art therapy, music therapy, living skills classes, and more. The issues these kids have to deal with are huge. Because they are severely emotionally disturbed, we see behaviors such as drug use, cutting, and worse. I have seen the girls make amazing progress.

And at least in this case, "home" isn't a euphemism. This is a very warm and loving atmosphere where kids are safe and cared for. Of course it's not ideal - but given the circumstances in their lives, this is where they are. And volunteers can help make the situation that much better for them by reaching out. I keep going back because I see that I am making a difference - even in a small

[rwexler648]

How sad. A wealth of objective scholarship shows a system permeated with racial and class bias (and though I specified Black children, it applies to all children of color, and poor whites as well) but because you don't *see* it, it doesn't exist. This is like saying the world can't be round because, from where I'm standing, it looks flat.

You indicate you talked to the girls and every one of them told you a story about how horrible their homes were. Sometimes, as I said, it's true. But Have you spoken to their parents? Often young people are repeating what they were told over and over by caseworkers as they were bounced through the system.

Of course it's not a bad thing to volunteer at a place like this, it cushions the blows these children have suffered a little, but don't confuse a adult self indulgence with significant help to children.

And see the "checklist" on page 20 of this report on our website: http://bit.ly/cwZ6E for a response to your other points - unfortunately the rationalizations for institutions are so predictable they can be rebutted in advance

[rwexler648]

This post, drenched in good intentions, aptly sums up everything wrong with the conventional take on child welfare from my fellow liberals. We abandon all our skepticism and everything we profess to believe about civil liberties as soon as someone whispers the words “child abuse” in their ears.

So Ms. Coffey writes of the 14 children institutionalized in an orphanage (at that size, group home is a euphemism): “If they have parents, their parents are abusive, addicted to drugs, or in jail.”
How do you know? Because the staff said so? Because it’s alleged in a case file someplace?
In some cases, of course, it’s surely true. But did you stop to ask yourself: The evidence is overwhelming that Black parents are no more prone to abuse children than white parents, so why are Blacks so overrepresented in this system? Did you look at the piles of evidence concerning how often children wind up in foster care simply because family poverty is confused with “neglect” – and how much that harms the children?
In those cases where, as you write, the parents “are simply unable to cope with the difficulties that their child is going through” did you ask why your state is harming the children and squandering money institutionalizing them, when helping the parents to cope is both better for the children and less expensive?
To be continued…

Richard Wexler
Executive Director
National Coalition for Child Protection Reform
www.nccpr.org

[JuliaRain]

Wonderful article! Thank you for sharing this with us. And thank you for encouraging positive change and bringing hope to foster kids. Excellent.