Houses of Rage

I get so tense, and then I need to lash out.

Look at me the wrong way some days and I'll take your head off.

I used to be calm, but now I'm angry all the time.

Out of context, I could be quoting therapy patients with roiling road rage or other impulse control conditions. But I'm not. I'm a real estate attorney repeating the unadulterated (but herein anonymous) confessions of clients who harbor feelings of pure hatred towards their homes.

These homeowners are seething and surprisingly they don't mind sharing their emotions with me. I just concluded a conversation with a would-be home seller who blurted out "I hate my house!" about halfway through the conversation. The home has been on the market since February, and four price reductions haven't produced a viable buyer. So the homeowner in residence sits and stews, yearning to leave New York and join her husband in another state. "When we listed the house before Valentine's Day, I never ever thought that our kids would be starting school here again in September. This is so messed up!" she practically sobbed.

Though some houses sell quickly, many can linger on the market for about one year. During those 12 months or so, all the diverse disappointments suffered by homeowners during a depressing recession can coalesce into pure fury. The objects of their ire are the abodes which cost too much monthly or aren't worth enough to free them from their debt. I wouldn't have to work so hard if I had $10 for every time a prospective seller desperately described their house as an "albatross," an "anchor," or (hands down, the most lucrative of all) a "giant pain in the ass."

Last month I taught a real estate seminar. After class, I spoke with a struggling seller who seemed like she was on the verge of either a breakdown or a breakout. This total stranger wasn't shy about wanting to "hunt down everyone who was at my open house and shake them until they tell me why they didn't make an offer."

Aren't homes supposed to be our sanctuaries? The havens we hide in when the world starts getting us down? If the places they live in make owners livid, where will they take cover from worries and woe? I don't know, but I'm positive that there are plenty of would-be home sellers who have a raging case of a malady I'm dubbing "house hate." Bona fide buyers may be the only known cure for their woes, but in the interim, I'm concerned about the scads of sellers in serious need of anger management who are lurking behind the "for sale" signs spread around our neighborhoods and cities.

 

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Comments

[fromtheneckup]

04:32 PM on 09/17/2010

I don't want to assign blame indiscriminately but I wonder how many of these homeowners were among the ones who rushed to outbid others in the purchase of their home, how many were willing to pay out of pocket, tens and sometimes hundreds of thousands of dollars above asking price as well as appraisal value, not because they needed a house to live in but because they just wanted that particular house or because they thought they'd get a retirement account out it, driving up everyone's price. I know of numerous such cases.
How many of these homeowners used their houses as a piggy bank, taking out equity, not because they needed it for medical expenses, a lost job or a college education but so they could finally buy that boat, go to the Cayman's or get that set of Tumi luggage. They behaved as if somebody else would be responsible for paying the HELOC or second or third mortgage. Some of this goes beyond "this economy" and spills into "that greed". Now we are all paying and yes, I have empathy for some but wonder who of those who are in this situation simply created this hell in which they are living and dragging the rest of us along.

[Lita Smith-Mines]

03:30 PM on 09/19/2010

Thanks for your comments. Yes, many took out money from their piggy banks. And they supported local restaurants, roofers, boat sellers, retailers etc. Should the homeowners have lived on their equity rather than their income? Definitely not. Did they spread the money around and support their local economy for years before the bubble burst? Yes!

So "the rest of us" may have profited along the way from these "greedy" homeowners who pulled cash out and spent like there was no tomorrow. I'm not justifying it at all, but had the credit not been available, many businesses and enterprises may not have stayed afloat as long as they did.

[Lorianne]

12:16 PM on 09/10/2010

Am I supposed to feel sorry for these people?

Everyone's home has lost value.
Deal.

[Lita Smith-Mines]

11:09 PM on 09/10/2010

Sure, why not? My life won't be diminished one bit if I extend a sympathetic ear to someone who is experiencing emotional turmoil.

My house has lost value, but I'd never say "deal" to someone sharing how their house was driving a wedge into career plans or destroying marital accord. Just like I'd never say "everybody gets sick" if a friend needed some compassion while she was ill.

There's a difference, in my opinion, between validating an economic position and saying "I hear how upset you are, and wish I could do more to help."

[Lorianne]

10:02 AM on 09/11/2010

Sorry, but I'm sick and tired of all the sob stories we've had in print (most of which lie by ommision) about people in financial trouble.

There are a few cases that warrant empathy ... but not these people you wrote about who are angy and lashing out. What are they doing to help other needy people ... from what I hear from you ... ZIPPO. Just venting in a threatining violence way.

I don't care about these me me me type of people. I DON'T CARE.

Anyway, you're late to the bandwagon. These types of stories were selling 6-9 months ago.
Not so much now, people have heard enough of them.

Which is why you've gotten so little response.