I Won't Chat! Don't Ask Me!

Here's my appeal to certain unemployed friends: step away from your cell phones and computers! I pray every day that you get jobs, mainly because you need the money and self respect that working brings, but also because I need you to stop incessantly pestering me to stay in touch with you.

I have pals that want to text me, friend me, and chat with me. Some entreat me to follow them, while still others petition for posts on their walls. I field solicitations to link up, which would evolve into networking with my buddy's other unemployed acquaintances and associates. These friends have plenty of free time and/or terrific ideas about how to increase their web presence, and chafe when I consign more than half of their cyber entreaties to my version of virtual purgatory: a flagged folder in my inbox, where the Yahoo gatekeeper will retain all these time consuming requests until I have a spare moment (or the invites expire).

Despite my rant, I benefit greatly from technology and treasure my friends. Where would I be without the gizmos and gadgets and gear that allow me to run a law firm and a magazine while sitting in one chair? And how could I face frequent telephone time on hold without reading friends' insightful or entertaining blogs or taking a quick peek at the never-ending photos of puppies and cockatoos some pals continually forward? I cherish face time with my true friends, but some that find themselves out of work during these horrible, depressionary days which have destroyed everyone's bank accounts and self esteem need to understand that it can't be a condition of our friendship that we chew the cyber fat daily and create virtual bonds that tie up my time.

I know there's a netiquette I have yet to master about which requests require a response and when a petition for my participation may be acceptably deleted. Will I insult my chums if I don't join their i-groups, elevate their friends count, or digg blogs reporting on their root canals? Does my having two full time jobs and barely enough time to sneeze provide me enough of an excuse in the world of quickie chitchat and simultaneous sycophancy to bow out of computer and cell-phone camaraderie?

Is there a "Ms. PC-Manners" who will provide me with proper cyber-comportment comebacks entailing only a nominal amount of characters? I want to politely avoid internet alliances, not cyber-slight my friends, so is it tacky to respond to requests with: I would love to join in, but I haven't yet eaten yesterday's breakfast; thanks but I can't juggle any more with just two arms and crossed eyes; or you flatter me but if I connect with you this way I must cease sleeping?

Maybe I'll rephrase a classic cop-out to soften my snubs: I won't tweet, don't ask me, I won't befriend you, merci beaucoup. My jobs won't let my fingers chat around with you!

Comments

[pollye]

So instead of being honest and telling your 'friends' that you don't have the time or desire to chat you will lie and make excuses. That's a real friendship builder. Funny you have time to write this post and personally reply to all comments snarking about how your so-called friends and acquaintances are stealing your valuable time. .

[wietog]

It's pretty simple. If your close friends and important colleagues want to stay connected, do it. If your acquaintances and regular colleagues pester you, politely decline, depending on your time and inclination. But remember, you never know who you may need in the future. You sound a bit smug in your employment. Your close friends are nervous and anxious and are trying to stay positive. They need your support. Perhaps you'd prefer to see what it will be like once you are unemployed - it could happen. Good luck with that.

[Lita Smith-Mines - Huffpost Blogger]

The definition of smug is clearly not a two way street. If you have read any of my previous blogs, such as "Working 9-5 Yet I Barely Make A Living" you would see that I work 6-7 days per week at two businesses that earn less combined for me than being on government unemployment. Even if you have not, I clearly stated in this blog that the economy has "destroyed everyone's bank accounts and self esteem". I am included as well as my friends in "everyone".

I don't collect any government money. I pay my own exorbitant health care costs and try my darndest to keep my head above water. I don't begrudge the unemployed their spare time and automatic government checks, but yes, I do begrudge demands for me to chat etc. when I barely have time to get outside once a week for a Vitamin D fix.

[TRYKER]

It looks like the suggestion to "just ignore all of them" would be the best advice. That way no one can feel like an exception.
When asked "to chat" I just reply: no, prefer regular email. Who can stand having someone's one-liner interrupt a session of deep concentration with an innocuous remark?
Surely this stage of everyone knowing everything about what others are doing will go the way of the dinosaur. Even the 15 minutes of fame stage will seem sillier as we scrounge for food in the dust and shelter ourselves with cardboard boxes and eat the family dog saying: What were we thinking?

[Lita Smith-Mines - Huffpost Blogger]

I used to think an explanation of the reasons for my non-participation was required in order to be polite. But respondents seem to indicate that intrusions into my time and space don't require a nice response at all.

My dogs are now cowering in the corner; I have to take some more time out of my busy day to reassure them that I will not be heeding ALL of your advice, Tryker.

[Scurvybro]

I turn down entreaties to join social-networking sites by explaining that I"m too busy feeding and maintaining my horse and buggy.

[Lita Smith-Mines - Huffpost Blogger]

Didn't we meet last week at the taffy pull? Or was it the quilting bee?

[3fingerbrown]

You must simply ignore these pests. Ignore them consistently, with no exceptions, so that no one can take it personally.

This is my policy, and I've found that the techno-centric people in my life who always liked me and loved me still like me and love me, even if they think of me as a crusty old eccentric, while everyone else (those casual acquaintances who would use me as a manual laborer in the building of their online monuments to themselves) eventually stop entreating me and go away.

By now, the novelty of new technology is fading. Long gone are the days when I'd sit in front my computer for hours looking for interesting things to do with it. I'm trying to find ways to reclaim time from my computer. Sounds like you are too, Lita. Screw "netiquette." Simply ignore this stuff, with no exceptions. Not only will you have more time for real life, you just might find who truly values you and who sees you as nothing more than an extra in their virtual movie.

[Lita Smith-Mines - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks for your advice! The problem is that some unemployed--or underemployed--pals have too little to do, and what you refer to as "the novelty of new technology" fills in their time. I'm happy they have that, but when they need me to play along in order to enjoy their chosen virtual realities, I have to draw the line because I haven't got the time.

[PatA]

I refuse to chat.
I refuse to get a cellphone. (my reasoning is that there is no one that I want to talk to while checking out the green beans in the produce department at my gro. store)
NO one needs to know where I am every minute of my life. It's my life! Get your own!
I hate those social networking places because after I joined one I got so many requests for walls, games, replies, etc. that I threw my hands up into the air and used my preemptive strike before someone asked me for my bra size.

[Lita Smith-Mines - Huffpost Blogger]

When my kids were in school, I gave the nurse my cellphone number. Now that both are done, I rarely turn my cell phone on. I have it for when I need it, but like you, time away from communication is important to me as well. Yet I know someone who thinks there's nothing wrong with chatting while she's in a public restroom--her words accompanied by the sounds of others flushing and washing their hands does not strike her as inappropriate. I'm guessing she wouldn't mind revealing her bra size!

[w8aminute]

Try this: "Sorry.....but somehow we got a virus from 'that site' and apparently our network banned traffic from it and I never received your invite".

[Lita Smith-Mines - Huffpost Blogger]

Clever! I see you've been down the same road...