Black Family Black Friday

I don't come from a family of traditions. Growing up Jewish-ish, we often forgot to light the candles on the menorah for Hanukkah, I would receive one big gift instead of the traditional eight little ones, and we decorated our completely secular Christmas tree with a spray of awkward homemade ornaments. While most families sang Christmas carols, baked holiday cookies, or gathered at Grandma Helen's for dinner together, we avoided warbling off-key songs, bought our cookies at the local bakery and ate off of TV trays while staring at the television. But the one tradition that we do have, the only tradition in fact, is Black Friday shopping.

For every Thanksgiving day that I have stuffed my face with succulent turkey and pumpkin pie, there has been a five am wake-up call provided by my mother in order to begin the wonderfully stressful day of Black Friday shopping. When I was in elementary school, I would stumble into the car, slump in the backseat and pass out on the way to the mall. Determined to score every sale possible, my Mother, her twenty pound purse jammed with coupons, would make sure that we were one of the first shoppers to cross the threshold. Typically I would wander around the Macy's in Menlo Mall until I found a circular clothing rack, crawl underneath to the center and nap until my mother's nasal trill would wake me from my awkward resting spot. Due to my young age I could not fully appreciate the sales, the wonderful clothes, or even the potential bonding with my Mother that Black Friday shopping offered.

What initially started as a day for my Mother and I, quickly branched out to invite more female family members. After my Poppy died, my Grandmother joined us for the holidays and accompanied us to the mall for our shopping day. Not wanting to be left out, my Florida Aunt drove up to New Jersey with Uncle Joe and dog in tow. That same year I invited my best friend to join in our day long shopping spree. We would be stuffed in the backseat of my Mother's uncomfortable station wagon along with my Aunt, while my elderly Grandmother sat in the front seat offering shopping advice. "Don't accept the initial price," she lectured, "You can always get it cheaper somewhere else if you look." She knew from experience; one year when we altered our normal shopping routine by going to the Short Hills mall, my Grandmother breezed into Tiffany's, schmoozed the store clerk, and bagged herself a two hundred dollar discount. Knowing how to barter, while still remaining charming on such a stressful day, can help you land that deal that for which you have been searching.

While my best friend and I would wander into Delia's and Express to shop for ourselves, my Aunt would take off for some serious Christmas shopping, and my Mom and Grandmother would waddle around the mall, coupons in their clenched fists, a mental list of "door-buster" sales to hit first. We would all meet at the food court at lunch time, resting our feet and comparing purchases. One year my Aunt bought us all tree shaped bejeweled pins, to show our membership in the "Black Friday Shopping Club." They were terribly tacky, and being a dramatic, easily embarrassed teen, I stashed my pin away, with no desire to ever don such a blight.

Years passed and so did my Grandma. At the Black Friday following her passing, it was slightly harder to get going, but I managed to guilt my Mother into going, by reminding her I would be at college the following year, and "who knows if I'd be around or not to go shopping." Even though we both knew it was an empty threat, it worked, and we all shopped until our feet bled and our credit cards cried.

Black Friday will forever be men free. The one year we relented and allowed my father and uncle to join in the shopping revelry, they lost their nerve in less than an hour, fleeing like cockroaches from the light. And while my boyfriend is what they call a "real trouper," accompanying me to outlet malls and trips to the store "just to browse," I refuse him entrance to Black Friday Shopping. It would make life easier to have someone to carry my bags and tell me how gorgeous I look in whatever I happen to have shimmied into, but I love him far too much to have him endure the insanity of women fighting over Uggs and throwing clipped internet coupons at sales clerks.

Even during college and since I graduated, I made sure to be home, not only for the High School "homecoming" where we'd gather at the local Sun Tavern to run into people that we didn't really speak to anymore, and not only to go to Thanksgiving buffet dinner at the near-by upscale hotel, but mainly for the shopping on that Friday morn. With Grandma gone, and my Aunt sporadically showing up for Thanksgiving, the "Black Friday Shopping Club" was reduced to three members. My best friend and I would figure out our game plan for weeks before; what we were specifically looking for, what stores had the best deals, and how we could optimize our quantity of shopping for the day. My mother had aged, thus slowing her pace, so we would take off without her once we reached the mall, meeting her later, like always, at the food court at lunch time. And while she only could stay for a few hours on those days, unable to keep up with the frantic pace of the mall because of her stiff arthritic knees, we still would boast to each other about our purchases and the unbelievable savings we had scored by getting to those "door-buster" sales.

Now Thanksgiving is looming, and the recession is hastily eating away at my wallet. Grandma has been gone now for six years, my Mom's legs seem weaker than ever, and while my Aunt will be with us this year, my shopping time with best friend will be cut short because she has a wedding that day. With my shopping budget cut by more than half of what I use to spend, and so many important parts of our one tradition fading, Black Friday does not have the same appeal it once did.

I recently found that tacky silver tree pin in my old bedroom at my parent's house. Still in its box, never even unpinned from the fabric backing, it was as shiny and glittery as the day my Aunt gave it to me. While I could not enjoy its campy cheer when I was fourteen, ten years have passed and my appreciation has grown. While I may eventually shop by myself on Black Friday without the other "club members," I will always be able to remember the original shopping camaraderie I felt, as I push though the frantic throngs of shoppers to score those "door-buster" deals.

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Comments

[blakelandau]

Really enjoyed this engaging and witty post!

[ValleyAlly]

HuffPost's Pick

Being the best friend described in this posting, I think the vast majority of the people adding their comments to this article are completely missing the point...this is a wonderful tradition for us and something that we all look forward to every year...and it's not the great sales or general air of craziness and frenzy that pervades the day that keeps us coming back; it's the fact that in a society where so many traditions have fallen away over the years for families and friends, this is one tradition that we've kept going strong and look forward to yearly. I was lucky enough to join in on this already established tradition late, but I think it's amazing that it has lived on so long and spanned so many generations of family and friends. Everyone that thinks this article is just an example of the greed and consumerism of American society needs to seriously take a step down from their high horse and realize that while a day of shopping may seem trivial to some, this is a day that brings together friends and family who don't see one another as often as they'd like. To have a group of people take one day out of their busy lives to spend together over the holidays, even if it is just to shop as many of you have qualmed, is in my opinion, a beautiful thing and something that should be celebrated, not judged.

[sujo]

Hmmmmmm i fail to see how our "Shopping tradition " is anything more than its been proposed to be ..it's a great time for all of us,a lot of comraderie and its a lot of fun meeting up for a Starbucks blast of coffee and looking at what each other has purchased..a great time for the ladies in the family to get out together..i suppose we could go to a movie or stay home and have almost as much fun.. but its what we have fun at..and hopefully will continue to do... Merry Christmas to all ..

[Vickipoo]

I think everyone is missing the point. Her blog was about a tradition she has with her family. What does it matter if she is spending time with her family at Target or spending time at home cooking and decorating the house? My family had a similiar tradition of driving two hours to the outlet mall every year to get new school clothes. I don't think this made us bad people and even ten years later I remember how nice those long trips together were. I thought this was a very nice story and I hope the Black family enjoyed their Black Friday shopping.

[garyhere]

Do we need any more proof what a dysfunctional society we are? This continually increasing consumer consumption is an addictive disease. We shop for entertainment! It’s sick, unsustainable, and destructive.

[XCITIZEN]

Part One:

For Thanksgiving I did nothing, spent nearly nothing, wandered around and had a few cups of coffee and got some fresh air, read the paper, found out avocados were on sale so made guacamole and ate organic blue corn chips. Later I made cornmeal pancakes and ate it with 1% acidophilus milk. It was fun, because I did nothing, and just relaxed. Then in the evening I lay on my futon, under a energy saver 'green lighbulb' and read a few more chapters in a book about the history and emergence of the Gay Rights movement from the 40s to the 70s. Very worthwhile.

Black Friday in Seattle started with a bizarre parade in the center of town, designed to cram as many people into the downtown shopping core as humanly possible before the shops opened. The parade was lead by the Chief of Police, and his wife, just kind of walking and waving forlornly behind a banner announcing them, with very few people waving back (Seattle has always promoted itself as liberal, but is embracing the Police State mentality quite nicely - lots and lots of cops and squad cars along the parade route) and followed by a small, non-descript marching band with no apparent name, wearing warm up jackets. I found myself wondering who they were, but there were no identifying logos or markers.

[XCITIZEN]

Part Two:

Then there were the usual, a drill team, another marching band, baloons, clowns, it was festive, and the marched up and down and around and around in a circuitous route that seemed to say - yes times are hard, so we're going to work this parade for all its worth - it's time to shop, people!)

It was also dark, and raining. I went into Macy's before the madness set in, and purchased a single hoody sweatshirt on sale, and then took it back about 10 minutes later because I realized it was not really black, just kind of half-dyed black, and made, I believe in Bangladesh.

Then I hung out with a super duper best friend and ordered a big pizza. Hooray. The holidays are here.

[XCITIZEN]

Oh, I forgot to note, after taking the sweatshirt back to Macy's, I swiftly exited the downtown area, and once safely outside of it, then got together with a friend for pizza, and a bottle of wine, and we went over to my place and watched old videos of shows from the 1970s (purchased for 99c at the thrift shop) on my beat up old video player that I found in the basement 'give-away' room of my apartment building.

It was JOYFUL.

[BlackYowe]

This is the one day I would never go shopping! I cannot imagine a more distasteful family habit than a giant shopping orgy the day after Thanksgiving. Sorry but this is a really ugly part of American culture as far as I am concerned.

[frenchfrog]

I'm sorry, I just keep thinking of that poor man who got killed by this hungry-for-bargains mob at 5 am in Long Island, NY. I, for one, prefer to kick back with my loved one on black friday and enjoy a nice meal out. I gave money to the food bank today.

[moonflowerjewelry]

etsy rocks!

[goosie29]

Awww! Lovely story

[MAragon]

I have never gotten sucked into the vortex called Black Friday. I prefer to walk calmly about browsing at a time when everyone else is at work, you know, a regular weekday. However, since the advent of the internet, I've done a lot of my shopping there because there I've been able to find all sorts of interesting and exotic and even handmade goodies by American artisans too. Go to someplace like Etsy.com and support regular folks doing interesting things for a change, America.

[PrairieDog]

Black Friday sounds like the day the market crashed in the 1920s. In the days of my "yout" TG weekend was a time for people to go to downtown Chicago & check out the decorations & stuff. And, if you're lucky, not wait forever to eat at the Walnut Room at Marshall Fields. (Marshall Fields Forever. Macy's is New York, NOT a Chicago store.)

[LumberJohn]

This is an amazing article. Definitely the best I have read from you. This was a wonderfully sentimental story of your Black Friday shopping tradition. I hope it never goes away. The silver tree pin is a great thing.

[sujo]

See ... John gets it too!!! not to sure about the cranberry beer...(came right out of left field didnt that)??laughing..

[analisethis]

since I spent alot of time living in diferent countries I've never had this experience nor felt the urge to,but I don't grudge anyone for it.Whatever brings a smile to peoples faces is o.k. with me.

Happy holidays

[indy girl]

It's not a real high point of American life. It's just more mindless consumption, which this country obviously excels at. Half of the people who were out shopping today are probably worried about making their December mortgage payment....but not enough not to KEEP SHOPPING!!! Yee-haw!

[ReesieKitty]

When I was younger, I worked many holidays and holiday weekends at a grocery store and also as a waitress. Those days are really stressful for the people who have to work. I never 'Black Friday' shop. I could maybe see doing it if there was a specific, expensive item we were planning to buy, like a tv, and I knew I would get a guaranteed great price on it. But otherwise, I do not think any mark-downs are worth the hassle of getting up at the crack of dawn and fighting the traffic and crowds to compete with a lot of ill-behaved obnoxious people just to get more STUFF. I'm really lucky- I can't think of anything my family needs THAT MUCH- we're going to get gifts this year, but just regular stuff. I wouldn't trade sleeping in and having a leisurely breakfast with my family for all the discount camcorders and socket wrench sets around!!!

[sherbug]

Not to mention the scam factor. The idea is to get you in the store and when you cannot find the sale item you wanted to buy, then they are banking on you buying a similar item that is not on sale.