I have always been the bigger person. It has not always been the easy road, but it is the road I take. Even as a child I felt this way. My childhood consisted of my father molesting me. I do not say that for dramatic effect but rather to hit home this next sentence: "It did not break me". He did not break me. During this time children my age dreamed of becoming a Rockstar or Singer, I wanted to become a Mom. This drove me to be something more. It willed me to get through that horrible part of my life.
Above all things, I wanted to have the family that I desperately lacked as a child. As I write that, my son is off in the distance, sounding me back to reality. He wants my attention for a creation he has made. I give it to him. Yes, I wanted this, a walking part of me. What a privilege it is to call him mine. I am not saying he is a piece of real estate or property but that it is a privilege I take seriously.
I knew I always wanted to be a Mom, as I said. As I grew older, I learned of my family's history for Cancer and that my body was against me. I tried IVF. I had a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy. I did not let that break me. When it came time to throw in the towel, I was facing another trial or a hysterectomy. My relationship was over; I would be doing this as a single mother now.
I just want to stop here and say the loss of a child is unbearable. Whatever you believe if those "situations" were cells or babies is not important so much as to me they were real. I loved them. I was excited over them and I lost them, each one.
I could tell you all the trials I had with my son while I carried him but I will keep it to just one. I was five months along and he was ready. Less than one pound, my son, was ready to come out. I was mercy flighted to Children's Hospital. They located me in a room, near other soon to be mothers. They screamed and bellowed of how they never wanted kids. I prayed, I cried, I pleaded for him to stay in. Unlike them I wanted to be a mother.
Some would say I am stubborn. Now, normally I would fight this statement with gusto! But, I suppose that just reiterates that I am in fact, AT TIMES, stubborn. Luckily, for me my son has inherited that trait and we made it one day before his due date (one of life's victories).
On my three week checkup I was told I was thrown out of remission and I would start radiation. This broke me! For the first time in my life someone else depended on me. And I wasn't going to be there to grow up with him. I had in my eyes, already let him down. How could I be so selfish?
That was but one rock in the path that leads us to today. I have had two clean bills of health and my bundle of joy now can run circles around me at age six. As I watch him play, I leave you with these encouraging words:
Do not let, whatever ails you, beat you. Being the bigger person is not the easy road but it is the road you should take. I promise you that, my stories, are proof life is NOT absolute. It is ever changing and we are every growing. If I had given into my past, my nightmares, my fears this family I have now would not be here. Some say we dream things into life and that my friend is what I feel I have done. As cheesy as that sounds! I did not let it break me and neither should you.
Originally posted: http://www.currentlykelsie.com/2016/03/a-moment-with-liz-being-bigger-person.html