If you spend as much time on Facebook as I do, you've noticed a recent influx of proud moms posting kid pictures and updates about the new school year. While so much is brand new with the kiddos, I can't help but notice some patterns emerging with the moms. Here are the 10 types of moms on Facebook. Which one are you? I know I fit the profile of nine out of 10...
| The Type | Who She Is | Typical Status |
|---|---|---|
| The Do It All Mom | Juggles her kids, her husband, maybe a career... but definitely a triathalon, home cheesemaking and sixteen fundraisers just this month. Bizarrely, the way she communicates her prowess online is by detailing what she made for dinner. | Steak au poivre with (homemade!) blue cheese sauce and strawberry soufflé for dessert! Tomorrow is Lobster Thermidor and Baked Alaska! Mmm... who's coming over? |
| The Gave Up Her Corporate Career to Stay Home Mom | Even without all your clever workplace word wizardry, we get it. This is harder. | My 10:00 pooped his pants... looks like I'm the executive vice president of Stain Removal today. |
| The Deal-Mongering Mom | Why are there so many logos in my news feed? It's because this mom is hitting "like" on every big box store and claiming every single deal out there, not to mention asking you to mail her your extra Bed, Bath & Beyond coupons. Girl, get your cyber-mitts off my 20% off-ers! | Thanks, (Name of Fast Food Chain/ Airline/ Department Store)! |
| The Hipster Mom | The mom who wants to tell the world, "Yeah, I have a baby, but I also basically invented both Etsy and the term 'farm-to-table.'" | (No text, just a photo of the kid in only a diaper and headphones, sitting amongst stacks of records. Kid may or may not have a mustache and an ironic rat tail.) |
| The Quote-y Mom | See also: The Deep Thinker Mom. As you read this, this mom is more than likely posting a) an amazingly poignant Elie Wiesel power quote b) an amazingly poignant video about how powerful girls are or c) a video of a dog and a fish making out. | "Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives." -- Maya Angelou |
| The Guilt Complex Working Mom | No one's judging you... except you. | OMG... check out this video the nanny sent! So cute! I've watched it 100 times today at my desk. (Note: Video is of the kid just sitting there. Doing nothing. Frankly, I've seen sandwiches more talented and effervescent than little Jimmy is.) |
| The Sexy and I Know It Mom | Yes, you know it. We don't need to. | Hanging on to the last days of summer! Yee-haw! (Accompanied by photo of kids splashing in backyard sprinkler -- wait a -- Is that Mom in a bikini in the background? Really? That's the ONLY good picture of the kids frolicking?) |
| The Munchausen Mom | If I didn't know better, I'd say this mom loves taking care of her sick kids more than anything. You know what I'd love more than anything? For her to spare us the details. | Dylan's phlegm is finally back from Mountain Dew color to more of an oyster-ish hue, but Jasmine's eyes were crusted closed this morning. At least we're done dealing with the fallout from that bad shrimp salad! Phew! |
| The Under The Radar Mom | Wait, is she even still on Facebook? You wouldn't know, because this mom just posts every once in a blue moon. | Can't believe the twins are 12. Last time I posted was right around the time that new Matthew Perry show was starting! (Note: This mom is so under the radar, she doesn't know Matthew Perry has a new show every year.) |
| The I Have a Cat-Baby Mom | Just tell her the cat's cute already. You know it would mean so much to me -- I MEAN "HER." | Paco sooooo thinks he's a baby! Look at him wearing that tiny sailor suit and riding around in his Bugaboo! |
What other types of Facebook Moms am I missing?
Follow Liz Kozak on Twitter: www.twitter.com/LizKoz
I guess I'd be an Under the Radar mom. I don't constantly post pictures/statuses about my son, who is nine months old. I only really post when he hits a milestone (first tooth, sitting up, crawling, rolling, etc.). The first pictures I put up of him were from when he was a few hours old, and I don't have him in my profile photo. I have more pictures of my cats than my son but that's also to protect his privacy online. My Facebook friends didn't even know I was pregnant until I was six months along.
The single mom who everyday has to post what a deadbeat the father is. Constantly saying she has no idea how they will make it, sounds like she's hinting for handouts but insists that she'd never take them. She sounds completely frazzled and overwhelmed which makes you wonder about the condition of the poor child or children.
Guilty as charged.