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Hollywood Will Pay Anything to Be 'Eaten Last' by Bette Midler... Lindsay Lohan's Lovely Yams (No, I Really Mean Yams!)

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"Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination," said Oscar Wilde.

Bette Midler's acclaimed stage portrait of agent Sue Mengers is titled I'll Eat You Last. But some are saying it should be titled, I'll Eat You -- Fast!

The Geffen Playhouse in Los Angeles is a small theater but orchestra seats for Bette are $397... next to last row and mezzanine sides $275. I guess the producers know that (especially) in Hollywood, an audience interested in seeing this does not care about dropping $1,000 for a 90-minute show. (This includes travel, babysitters -- yes, people in Hollywood do have children that must be watched. And then, dinner.)

I saw this show on Broadway, and Miss Midler is worth every cent. What a performance!

We all know the kind of "selfies" Lindsay Lohan has made a habit of sharing over the years. But now that she appears to be much more together, her pics are remarkably wholesome. At least they were just before Thanksgiving. There was Lindsay doing all sorts of domestic things, with captions such as "yummy!", next to a shot of the flame-haired actress and her homemade yams.

I'd like to see Hollywood take her seriously again, and give her another chance in movies. But for now, her luscious yams and a clean and sober lifestyle are just fine.

Another troubled beauty, Britney Spears -- although long gone are the days of head-shaving and midnight ambulance runs -- is garnering nice reviews for her latest CD, Britney Jean. Although one review just had to remark: "There's nothing Britney could have done to embarrass herself more at this point." This critique referred to her pointedly as "modestly talented." (Not exactly a new take on the singer.) But now, despite her lack of genius, Britney is a "cool but accessible dance-pop diva -- willing to dangle the occasional profanity to keep us alert, but ultimately more into the groove than anything else."

I always felt for Britney, and I am glad she appears to have people around to take care of her and keep this mother of two adorable children calm and productive.

YIKES! Bitchin' in the kitchen! Former employees of well-known chef Nigella Lawson insist the voluptuous brunette beauty was a stove-top drug abuser for over 10 years. Of course, these employees are also being charged with defrauding Nigella and her ex-hubby out of almost half a million dollars. They say Ms. Lawson happily tossed the cash at her ex-workers so they wouldn't blab about her drug use. For 10 years?! Nigella has had a rough time of it recently. Her divorce was messy -- remember those tabloid photos of her husband allegedly trying to strangle her in a public place? And now this.

Cooking is supposed to be soothing. Maybe it's different in Britain?

New York and Palm Beach society, or what's left of it, is interested to hear that the Texas oil legend named Oscar Wyatt , who went to jail for shenanigans in the Bush era, has hit paydirt, via a $500 million payday in a deal with a Malaysian investor.

Coastal Energy, in which Oscar, 89 and now out of prison in Houston, admits he owns a 25 percent stake that is paying him off with a big cut.

What a comeback as they say. Houston newspapers report that "his ageless wife Lynn Wyatt, the Socialite of the Century," continues to preside over Houston society.

I remember when Oscar was away. I urged Lynn to move to New York and enjoy what's left of her life. She refused. "Honey, I love all of you in New York but I've got to go to visit Oscar in prison every single weekend and that's my priority." Lynn was and is ever the loyal charmer.

Taki Theodoracopulos has written a lovely tribute for Quest magazine's November issue. In it, he argues that the old, more glamourous New York of the past is gone with the wind. No more El Morroco, no Stork Club, no Rainbow Room, No Elaine's. Big Russian and Asian oligarchs have bought multi-millionaire property during the real estate boom because they must invest somewhere in something of value. The rest of us live in apartments we can't afford and consider leaving Manhattan.

Taki laments that Sinatra's "city that doesn't sleep" is asleep except after dinner, downtown and in the boroughs where new clubs and exotic restaurants and stay up lates abound for the young rich crowd.

I note that it gets sleepy early on the East Side. Recently, I came out of the Beekman Theater across from Bloomingdale's after seeing a film; it was only 9:30 on a Friday. The Italian restaurant nearby, the old Isle of Capri, was locking its door and refusing late diners. But downtown I'm sure things were swinging. Hunted around, had some fast food and went home.

Taki deplores the loss of glamour from the past just as some of the French did after Marie Antoinette went to the guillotine. This is life. This is change. We have to go with the flow.