Will Someone Remind Mrs. Hasselbeck She's Off the Island?

I want to clarify something right off. I know the business of show takes many winding paths and that there are a thousand different ways to get to stardom -- but I want to make sure we all know exactly where Elizabeth Hasselbeck came from.

Survivor.

That's right. Outwit. Outplay. Outlast.

She put in an application to be voluntarily stranded on an island. She ate rats and backstabbed to get ahead. My question is this: How much has really changed? Maybe Mrs. Hasselbeck doesn't eat rats anymore (one would hope). But I'd bet the farm that back stabbing, strategizing and thorny betrayal are still business as usual on the set of The View.

Just think about it. Since she's been on The View. Meredith Vieira. Out. Star Jones. Out. And now Rosie O'Donnell. I mean, it's an epidemic. She's going for that million like it's nobody's business. And she using all of her Survivor trained wiles to get it. Lest we forget, Mrs. Hasselbeck is very good at drawing the foul. She's essentially the Vlade Divac of the entertainment industry. Initially, we're taken in by the Little Sister act -- feel sorry for her, are mildly protective of her -- maternal even. But upon viewing the instant replay, we realize the strategic ingenuity of her professional flopping.

Will someone remind Mrs. Hassebleck she's off the island? That they don't give you a million dollars when you're just a conniving bitch in the workplace? I mean, is she lurking in the stairwell of her office building betting people their lunch money that she can eat that rat scuttling down the hallway or sleeping in a poorly constructed yurt in her backyard just so she can 'keep it real.' Doesn't she realize the game is over? Maybe it's not.

There's no point in trying to figure out her arguments. I can't possibly begin to put myself inside her head. That would mean I'd have to stab myself in the frontal lobe with a Swiss Army Knife and shake it around for awhile.

This whole episode got me thinking about Helen Mirren's Oscar winning portrayal in The Queen. The writers gave her character something we hope people have in everyday life. The scene is: The Queen at Balmoral. She's going to meet the rest of her hunting party -- they're after the stag that's been lurking around the estate. She drives up the hill, goes through a river and the car stalls out in the middle. She puts a call into her staff and waits. As she's waiting, she spies the Stag just on a hill nearby. And she has a moment. THE moment. An epiphany. About Princess Diana. About mortality. About her own choices in life. Whatever epiphanies were eating away at her.

But, this doesn't happen in real life.

Elizabeth Hasselbeck won't have a moment by the river about the Iraq War. She's built her whole life around NOT having that epiphany. She simply can't admit that she's backed a war that is so wrong.

So, let's remember the facts.

She's more likely to bet you a fiver that she can eat that rat or get you fired...oh, I'm sorry "voted off the island."