06/19/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

The Plan of Steele

If we could run our cars and heat our homes on stupidity, Michael Steele could power the world.

The RNC chairbot claims his job is to bring true conservatives back to the party while trying not to alienate the 21 people, er percent who still identify as Republican.

So far, luring the disenfranchised using hip hop and one armed midgets has bore little fruit but he is hoping the latest turd he has tossed into the Republican punchbowl will gain some traction.

Gay marriage hurts American Businesses.

Last week at the Georgia State Republican convention, Steele regaled the GOPeach Staters with this anecdolt.

"Now all of a sudden I've got someone who wasn't a spouse before, that I had no responsibility for, who is now getting claimed as a spouse that I now have financial responsibility for," Steele told Republicans at the state convention in traditionally conservative Georgia. "So how do I pay for that? Who pays for that? You just cost me money."

Um, what does that have to do with gay marriage? Isn't that really the big crap shoot every employer takes when they hire, oh, an unmarried anybody?

According to this logic, the job market has just been cracked wide open for.... Priests! They are perfect employees. They are already married to God, and God has his own health care plan.

But seriously, maybe you are on to something here.

It's not just the gay married types draining revenue from American businesses.

If you did a wee bit of research into history, I'll bet you could find all kinds of laws you could repeal that would send corporate profits skyrocketing.

I mean look at all those child labor laws that were shoved down our throats. They are really cutting into the bottom line.

And if companies could just go back to refusing to hire all these women who are just gonna end up getting knocked up: To quote you, "Who pays for that? You just cost me money."

And perhaps the sharpest stick in the eye of corporate revenue: The abolition of slavery.

That one really screwed shareholders.

Worse than EFCA. Really.

See Mr. Steele, you are thinking small if you only talk about gay marriage. Now that we live in a country that makes civil rights decisions based on how it affects corporate profits, shouldn't everything be on the table?

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