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Lloyd Garver
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Lloyd Garver has written and produced television shows ranging from "Sesame Street" to "The Bob Newhart Show:" to "Family Ties" to "Home Improvement" to "Frasier." He has written columns for the Opinion page of cbsnews.com, "The Kansas City Kansan," "The Denver Post," "The Santa Monica Daily Press," "The San Francisco Examiner," Crawford Texas' "The Lone Star Iconoclast," and "The Jewish Journal." He swears that he has never written a column while on steroids or other performance-enhancing drugs. All right, once he took some Human Growth Hormone, but it gave him gas.

Entries by Lloyd Garver

Republicans Think Women Are Great

(2) Comments | Posted September 4, 2012 | 1:48 PM

If you happened to turn on the Republican convention the other night in the middle of Ann Romney's speech, you might've been surprised to hear what sounded like the wife of the Republican presidential candidate coming out of the closet. She screamed, "I love you, women!" And the crowd of...

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Out-Tebowing Each Other

(0) Comments | Posted January 13, 2012 | 9:53 AM

This year, like every election year, candidates are scrambling for endorsements, and it doesn't seem to matter who the endorser is. They just want to have a lot of endorsements. For some of them, they seem to have more endorsements than they have votes.

My favorite endorsement story...

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I Could Have Been Dr. Phil

(1) Comments | Posted May 27, 2011 | 11:33 AM

This might surprise you, but I was not invited to Oprah Winfrey's two-day party that celebrated her 25-year-old show ending. I'm sure I would have enjoyed hanging out with people like Aretha Franklin, Tom Cruise, and Michael Jordan. And I probably wouldn't have been able to resist telling Maria Shriver,...

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Is Shorter Better?

(2) Comments | Posted November 4, 2010 | 10:42 PM


The "New York Times" broke the huge news story recently that deluxe hotels are now offering half hour massages and other spa services that are traditionally an hour or an hour and a half. The significance of this is that the new "quick spa" might appeal to people...

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Sex Survey

(0) Comments | Posted October 7, 2010 | 7:48 PM

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"Kids today. Teenagers aren't like we were when we were their age. They can't be trusted, and they're totally irresponsible." That's how many adults view today's teenagers. In one area, they're wrong: Sex. According to a recent survey, teens are more responsible about...

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Ow, My Aching ... Everything

(0) Comments | Posted September 22, 2010 | 4:26 PM

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I thought it was a joke when I heard that an airplane seat manufacturer was trying to sell airlines seats that are more uncomfortable than the ones we're used to. But it's not a joke. Avointeriors is the Italian manufacturer that has...

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It's in Our Court

(5) Comments | Posted September 16, 2010 | 6:26 PM

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The headlines about the recently completed U.S. Open tennis championship included that Rafael Nadal won, Roger Federer didn't, and Kim Clijsters -- a wife and mother -- won on the women's side. However, if these are the only headlines you've read, you're...

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If They Build It, People Will Complain

(3) Comments | Posted August 26, 2010 | 4:02 PM

We are in the midst of the biggest recall in American history. Obviously, I'm talking about eggs. Many of us have worried about this danger for years, but we were branded as "alarmists." These eggs have proven to be a huge danger to the health and vitality of our nation....

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Rich People Love Goofy

(0) Comments | Posted July 30, 2010 | 5:23 PM

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According to several newspaper accounts, extremely rich people are spending their money on something that surprises me: theme parks. It just goes to show how out of touch I am with the ultra rich. I thought that they might treat themselves to things like...

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The Annoyance Police

(0) Comments | Posted July 23, 2010 | 3:38 PM


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In these very serious times, it seems that it's appropriate to get rid of some of the silly or outdated laws that are still on the books. I'm talking about things like its being illegal in Oklahoma to tease dogs...

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Jumping Through Hoops

(1) Comments | Posted July 6, 2010 | 7:53 PM

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Are you tired of the way nominees are grilled by Senators before they get the job? Well, get used to it. Because of today's economy, an employer can subject prospective employees to just about any kind of interview. I managed to acquire...

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The Diary of Judge Feldman

(6) Comments | Posted June 24, 2010 | 6:39 PM

The Diary of Judge Feldman

By

Lloyd Garver

Dear Diary:

Well, it's been a pretty heady time for me. A few days ago, I blocked that Presidential six-month moratorium on deep water drilling. That's right, I overruled the President of the United States. How cool is that? I got...

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Metrosexual, Schmetrosexual

(5) Comments | Posted June 3, 2010 | 4:56 PM

The line between what is male and what is female continues to blur. Stereotypes are dropping every day. A doctor is not automatically a man; a nurse is not automatically a woman. A pilot can be a female; a flight attendant can be a male. A jerk can be a...

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Is Wall Street Bluffing?

(5) Comments | Posted May 19, 2010 | 8:11 PM

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According to the Los Angeles Times, some Wall Street firms don't care if a new job applicant went to business school or studied finance. The applicant probably didn't even have to graduate from high school. The firms are much more interested in how...

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What Are You Doing?

(0) Comments | Posted May 14, 2010 | 4:22 PM


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You probably don't know his name, but Jack Dorsey came up with what might be the most important invention of the 21st century -- Twitter. It must be important, because the Library of Congress is going to house every "tweet" that's ever...

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Immigration: Deal With It

(25) Comments | Posted May 6, 2010 | 9:18 PM

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Those who know me may be surprised, and you can call me whatever you want: a racist, a bigot, or even a Republican. However, someone of my ilk has to step forward and say that immigration has gotten out of hand. I know they...

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Vegas Mob

(0) Comments | Posted April 30, 2010 | 7:50 PM

The mob is back in Las Vegas. (This assumes that the mob ever left). Soon there will be two museums dedicated to gangsters of the past. You'd think that Las Vegas would want people to forget its mob origins. Nope. In fact, the mayor, Oscar B. Goodman (who...

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What's In That Tea?

(35) Comments | Posted April 24, 2010 | 4:57 PM

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This whole Tea Party thing is somewhat confusing. Don't get me wrong. I think it's great that people who are upset about politics are participating in protests rather than being apathetic. However, some things that they're saying don't make sense to me. The...

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Tweaking The Health Care Plan

(4) Comments | Posted March 28, 2010 | 7:36 PM

We all know that getting the Health Care Bill passed by the House of Representatives was not easy. However, it was a good civics lesson for children. They learned that if the minority is unhappy with what the majority decides, those who support the minority call the people in the...

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Have Gun, Will Latte

(19) Comments | Posted March 11, 2010 | 5:46 PM

I've always been confused by Starbucks, the great American institution and symbol of yuppies and carefree consumerism. This is the place where the smallest cup of coffee is called a "Tall." What's the biggest called, a "Giganto?" Depending on what you order, you can easily spend two or three dollars...

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