Madonna, Schwarzenegger, and Cheney

Here are a few things that have happened lately:

Because Americans seem to love gossip, the story of Madonna and Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez alleged affair has dominated the news, sports, and entertainment pages. Although both of them deny that their relationship is sexual, most observers feel Madonna definitely got to third base with A-Rod. I guess the reason why it's such a big story is that both Rodriquez and Madonna are married. And until now, Madonna has always been such a wonderful role model for girls and young women.

It was revealed that President Bush has given up golf. He said that he felt it was frivolous for him to be playing golf during a war. Personally, I'd be happy to see him play golf and give up war.

The one positive "side effect" of high gasoline prices is that fewer and fewer cars are expected to be on the road. Therefore, experts expect fewer and fewer car accidents. I guess we can expect more and more people to walk. There are no predictions of how many head-on collisions there will be among these walkers.

And speaking of the high price of gas, I predict that very soon after you buy your groceries, the clerk at the supermarket will offer you a free choice and ask you, "paper, plastic, or an SUV?"

California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger applauded a new anti-smoking agreement among the major movie studios. In fact, in addition to having fewer people smoke on the screen, the studios will produce anti-smoking videos and films. Presumably, Schwarzenegger congratulated the studios as he puffed away on his cigar.

Vice President Cheney had his physical the other day, and is said to have passed it with flying colors. It was probably the first time in history that during the exam a doctor wore a bulletproof vest.

I think tales of how far the airlines have cut back and all the new extra charges are exaggerated. I just made a reservation for a flight today, and I am not being charged for the one bag I plan on checking. But the really good news is that I won't be charged for the fact that there will be a pilot on the flight.

Have a good week. And don't worry. Silly things will happen this week, too.

In addition to writing television shows and columns, Lloyd Garver has read many books, some of them in hardcover. He can be reached at [e-mail]. Check out his website at lloydgarver.com and his podcasts at
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