The Airline Mess

The good news is that I managed to be on one of the last of the American Airlines MD-80's this past Tuesday right before the airline grounded all those planes. The bad news is that I managed to be on one of the last of the American Airlines MD-80s this past Tuesday right before the airline grounded all those planes. By that, I don't mean to say that I was unlucky because I might have been in some danger. I mean I was unlucky because I was on a plane.

That's a comment on the sorry state of air travel these days: I barely reacted to the fact that the plane might not have been properly wired. My major relief was that I had landed almost on time, that my luggage arrived, and that it will be a while before I have to fly again. I'm not singling out one airline or one type of aircraft. Over the last few years, air travel for most of us has gotten more and more miserable.

That's the real airline mess today. It's not just the American Airlines thing. It's how airlines have deteriorated in recent years. Remember the days when flying was fun? Or reasonably comfortable? Or at least tolerable? Those days are history. They are of a bygone era -- like three dollar-a- gallon gasoline, or nurses' hats.

The airlines put you in a bad mood right when you walk onto the plane. I know I didn't buy a first class ticket. They don't have to rub it in. But they do. They force us to walk through first class before we get to our seats. So we have to see people seated comfortably, having drinks from real glass glasses on our way to the torture chamber known as the "coach cabin." When you check into a hotel, they don't force you to see the penthouse suite with a spectacular view before you go to your little room near the ice machine. If the airlines cared about the feelings of the majority of people who fly, they could let us use one of the other entrances to the plane, or at least board the first class passengers after coach.

The cliché is that they pack us in like sardines on a plane. That's an insult to sardines. A sardine isn't getting elbowed all the way to Cleveland by the fish sitting next to him. The airline seat must have been developed by a descendent of the Marquis de Sade. It's like sitting in a child's car seat -- without little toys to play with.

The air-conditioning on a plane has two settings: Off and Antarctica. And if the plane is delayed taking off or getting to the gate and you're just sitting there, why do they have to turn off the air-conditioning? I guarantee you the air-conditioning is on in the cockpit.

Hardly a day goes by that we don't read about some airline going bankrupt or being forced to lay off more employees. One thing you know for sure, they're not in bad financial shape because of all that they spend on customer service. It's almost impossible to get a real person on an airline's phone, and humans don't show up to help people at the gate until a few minutes before takeoff.

The whole passenger-airline relationship is very unfair. If you're one minute late for your plane, they won't let you on. But the plane can be four hours late, and all you get is a shrug.

"USA Today" reported recently that airlines' performance was near a 20-year low. And that was before this recent mess that stranded or "inconvenienced" an estimate 250,000 passengers - so far. Flights are routinely overbooked, bags are lost, and planes are delayed. And delayed. People now spend so much time in airports that pharmacies and walk-in clinics are opening at airports across the country. The industry probably figures that things would become too crowded if they also opened walk-in law offices.

The one solution I can think of to all of these problems is for Congress to pass a law insisting that all airline CEOs fly on their airline's longest flight in coach class once a week. After a few weeks, they're bound to either make some changes or leave the airline business. I'd be happy to accept either outcome.

In addition to writing many television shows and columns, Lloyd Garver has also read many books, some of them in hardcover. He can be reached at [e-mail]. Check out his website at lloydgarver.com

Comments

[DavidCoombs]

I agree and I can assure you Lloyd, first class air travel isn't much better, on my recent trip the caviar served by the air steward was far too salty, so much so that I had to wash it down with a bottle of 1945 Mouton Rothschild just to rehydrate, and that was corked.

[Sundialsvc4]

They can't afford the fuel anymore. That's the bottom line. In fact, a great many of our transportation industries ... and our glib reliance upon long-distance transportation (say, for socks... plush dolls... pet toys... razors... that sort of thing) just might be O-V-E-R--A-N-D--O-U-T.

[ReasonIsMyReligion]

Great column.

I'm still stuck on that MD-80's just HAD to get grounded, but going back a spell 737's were allowed to fly for six years during a rolling repair mandate AFTER the FAA knew what was wrong with the tail rudders.

Someone at the FAA doesn't like American Airlines, which has long had a good reputation for maintenance, and which flies a hugely disproportional number of MD-80s.

[AnninCA]

Agree. When people are forced to wait on the tarmac for over 8 hours without water, then forget worrying about the wiring. You're lucky not to have someone die in the seat next to you.

The situation is unacceptable.

[SamThornton]

Airline deregulation seems to be working out well for all concerned. We have former President James Earl Carter to thank (Airline Deregulation Act of 1978). What's amazing is that it's taken so long for the industry to become nearly 100% dysfunctional. DINO's and Republicans proved really lazy on that one.

Here in America, we seem to have developed a talent for destroying national transportation systems. Prior to destroying the usability of our air transportation system, we successfully destroyed our rail system. Now we are embarked on destroying our interstate ground transportation system.

Hopefully, we will next concentrate on destroying the usability of all private and public transportation. $4.00/gal. fuel costs are a step in the right direction, as is discouraging the adoption of more efficient technologies and reducing our economy to a system of peonage.

Soon, we'll all be confined to a few blocks of our living abode. Those will be the cardboard boxes grouped in charming new communities fated to be called "Bushvilles."

[BobMunck]

The airlines made it cheap to fly, so we all started flying all the time; no more driving the family across the country to get to WallyWorld. So now the planes and airports are jammed and service has been cut to the bone. Who could have predicted that? In many ways, it's similar to the housing boom and bust, with victims being lured in with wonderful but limited-duration rates followed by a great fall.

[RButler]

We want cheap, cheap, cheap stuff from China through Wal-Mart so we can live the swell life. We want to fly cheap the day before Thanksgiving to Grandma's house. We have no business complaining about lead or poison or or poor service. We're getting it all CHEAP. I especially love the news reporters who go down to LAX the day before Thanksgiving to interview the idiots waiting in line like it's news. They could simply show the same tape from the year before or the year before that.
'I've employed counter-programming in my life to some degree. I don't try to leave town Friday afternoon on a 3 day weekend. I don't shop or even leave the house the day after Thanksgiving if I can help it. I used to commute the opposite direction to my job by working the overnight shift. I have no sympathy, empathy or pity for the sheep in this country that have to do everything the same time everyone else is doing it. Then, there's the folks who wait outside the store at midnight to buy the iPhone. I'm so glad they got screwed when the price dropped. But, hey, they'll never learn as this is America and we don't learn from our mistakes do we?

[WIpatriot]

Nopers. Remember, have of the people have an IQ of 100 or less, RB.