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How I didn't end up being a criminal
There's a current of disrespect for blacks that needs to be fixed. People who are mistreated either get even or get violent. In America, of course, we have a third option, we forgive. It seems some Americans just don't get this about blacks, that's a lesson they need to learn.
And the Left has some heavy-lifting to do here: This week's New Yorker magazine cover is a good example of all these dynamics at play. Titled "The Politics of Fear," the image on the cover of this week's magazine shows Mrs. Obama's legs crossed. Obama gives us a sidelong glance. Body language experts will tell you these are physical reveals for deceit, as if to say, they're hiding something. She has an afro hairdo, ammo, army fatigues, a gun; she is ready for war. Senator Obama is wearing a kind of traditional garb, and he's doing the fist bump with his wife. The couple has the swagger of black nationalists [generally defined as "a social and political movement (of the 60s) advocating the separation of blacks and whites and self-government for black people."] With the American flag burning and the portrait of Osama bin Laden over the fireplace, the entire work makes then a link between "black nationalism" and a new kind of pan-terrorism. If those terms sound too fancy, you at least can tell these people aren't American patriots.
The cartoon does not unlock the reasons why these attributions are wrong. Instead, it makes them more confusing: The Obamas do do the fist bump, but Mrs. Obama doesn't have an Afro. What was Obama's stance on guns? -- because Mrs. Obama has one. Mr. Obama has worn "traditional" clothing, but does that mean he's a Muslim? There is no article inside the magazine to take apart the unconscious and conscious fears the American public has around these ideas. So the net effect is that the cartoon works to solidify them. We are left to wonder -- why does this imagery have traction, like why are so many Americans still confused about whether Obama's a Muslim or a Christian? Thus is the quality of conversation on race and religion in this country: mixed messages, nothing decoded.
One of the cartoon's most difficult assertions connects black nationalism to bin Laden, which is another way of asking if Obama is destined to plot a kind of pan-terrorist world violence. Is he in cahoots with bin Laden? It also seems to provoke us to infer that blacks want to literally kill whites.
Since the magazine brought it up, let's talk about murder, since elementally, that's what this talk points towards.
Violence is something we all have in common. It's a very human indulgence.
Actually I've felt murderous before.
I was surprised how it grew like an organic thing in me -- I remember I was on the subway and I was like, I can't believe that fucking c--t. I'm going to - [ insert Rambo destruction sequence ].
What's even stranger about my experience is that the offense was minor. The person who had offended me was just using words. Not even an image. Not even a cartoon. Not even something like, "nappy headed ho" or "I'm going to cut his nuts off," or "you never take responsibility for any vote, and that has been a pattern." She said something like, you're not really black. You're black, sort-of.
And this rage came up in my stomach like a pit fire and I re-felt all over all the times I'd not gotten a fair deal.
She was making a joke about something that caused me great pain.
Strangely, she had pointed out a kind of truth, but she had put the wrong spin on it. My life was not easier because I was allowed inside the circle of educated folks who thought less of "real" blacks, it was, rather, something I endured for the benefits, for the chance at a better life.
The benefits that I am talking about are ones like this one: my parents decided to move to a town where the schools were good. I was the only black kid in my class. One day, when I was 6, there was a boy who decided that he'd start a game called "chase the nigger." I was minding my own business, watching my feet during recess, not realizing that this game involved me, and that I, was the nigger my classmates had in mind to chase. So as 20 to 30 kids headed my way across the playground, led by this mop-headed kid, shouting, chase the nigger! == it was almost funny == I did what anyone would do, I ran. Up till that point I didn't know how fast I could run. I ran and I ran. And I ran until I didn't hear any voices anymore. The kids were gone. I heard them at first behind me, you know, panting, we're going to get you. But then they fell away. And I was alone in a field. I could see my neighbor's tree farm across the way, I smelled the grass, 200 more yards and I could have gone home. It was quiet and it was as if the outside, the wind, the trees, the ladybug crawling across my face, it seemed like they were all a witnesses to this strange joke on me. It struck me then that I had to choose -- go home or go back. I turned and went back to school. I don't know if I remember this completely right because I don't think I hit the kid, let's call him Brian, I don't think I hit him. But somehow, I found my way back to him and I believe I said: "You honky." I said it in front of all the kids. I remember the look on his face, he had these small bubbles of sweat over his lip and he was still out of breath. He was surprised and then he was afraid, I know this because he stepped back as I leaned toward him. Thinking about it now as an adult, I don't think he really thought of me as a person, like him. I don't think he thought about how someone would react to being treated to a game of chase-the-nigger. I think, in a way, he was just trying out his racism, maybe he'd heard his parents say something and his mind latched onto an idea about black people. Anyway, he never bothered me again. I wondered where my teacher had been all this time. I remember she was crying one day because her baby had fallen out of its crib and I felt, wow, what a delicate life you have.
Of course, there were kids suffering all around me, one girl's father beat her, another's parents were going through a mean divorce, two girls would later come out as gay, another's mother had died. They all ended up being my friends, they were all white. I think now that maybe they thought if I was okay, so could they be. Or at least, they saw that I was a bit of pisser and so were they, so we had that in common.
So when, as an adult, this person said to me, "you're not really black," I wanted her to feel the same pain I felt. And as she felt that pain, I wanted to say, how does that feel? Can we make a joke here?
In that fantasy of violence, I felt ashamed of myself. As a child, I'd shown more moral clarity. Come up to a little adversity and this is what I thought to do?
So I said, please release me from this. And then something happened. The burden lifted. Maybe I helped it along, like I chose to get off at a different stop on the subway.
This was a transcendent moment for me because I was no longer just reacting to reality; I was changing my perception of it. This situation had made a box, but I poked a hole in it. Somehow this experience made me feel compassion for that person.
Blacks on a core level, in this country, have been doing this for hundreds of years.
Some folks should grow more aware of this unique American alchemy. It's a kind of free-pass for assholes -- which we can all be sometimes -- maybe we might just not forget it's a gift we give each other.
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The idea of forgiving isn't unique to the USA. Archbishopt Tutu had something to do with South Africa's Truth & Reconciliation(sp?) Commissions. It doesn't demand that the survivors or perps forget. There's no turning of the other cheek with TRC's either. Nobody forgets the injuries. That remains in the minds of all involved. It may restrain the perps from repeating their errors; those who survive & forgive benefit but keep their memories.
Good post. This is why it's so infuriating when whites come with "the past doesn't matter, just get over it!!" They won't let us because they teach it to their children and put in our faces with every sly opportunity.
I didn't realize it was so easy to end up as a criminal. As a young white kid attending black inner city schools I faced racism daily. The chasing story is actually kind of cute compared to what I saw. If that's all it takes to turn someone to crime it's a wonder that those of us that were bused across town every morning didn't turn out to be serial killers.
Your piece is poignant and humorous...our world has a long way to go. Thanks for sharing your story.
Do you think that, along with igniting a chuckle or two over how dumb and one-dimensional the opposition's portrayal of him has become, maybe, just maybe, the purpose of the New Yorker cover was to stir debate and discussion over these issues?
If that was -- at least partially -- its goal, then it seems to me that it has succeeded admirably in igniting discussions over what's permissible, what is satire, what is funny, and how we can all grow a little less thin-skinned without skating over the fine line into true racism.
Amen, ouroborous, amen...
Repatriation with reparations should solve this issue.
LOL - so money solves this problem? I don't think so.
Thank you for sharing that story.
Just keep in mind.
Political bigotry is as insidious, hateful and hurtful as racial bigotry.
Michale.....
American culture makes this blogger angry. Where is that anger when it comes to Robert Mugabe and Zimbabwe? Where is that anger when it comes to Sierra Leone, Nigeria, Uganda or any of the other African nations where blacks are killing and oppressing other blacks in a manner that is far worse than anything here in America? I have been increasingly amazed and angry that so many liberals in the US are willing to condemn this nation, but never seem able to demand something better from other nations.
Yo, Bubba:
The simple answer?
No oil in Zimbabwe.
You and your praysident went after countries with oil, see? Bushco and his no-bid cronies who electrocute our brave soldiers in Iraq, there to secure oil for Halliburton, and keep the price of your gasoline high, do not care about "those" countries.
Oh, and "liberals" do not "condemn this nation" they are appalled and sick and prone to vomit over the current kleptocracy.
Any more questions?
Attack me all you want, but nothing you wrote changes the fact that liberals are quick to attack racism by whites while ignoring the larger racism in the world that has a much more grusome result. All you have done is to confirm my statements.
I did not vote for W-Bush, I've never voted for a Republican. You assume way too much with your limited understanding of what I wrote. But you did ask for questions and I'd ask them if I felt you had the ability to answert them.
A final thought for this posting, far too many on the Left do in fact condemn the US, which is a terrible thing. If you are unable to understand that this nation is bigger than Bush and the GOP you are far too intellectually challenged to add to the discussion. But try. Think about it. Don't you agree the violence that is black-on-black in Africa is a terrible thing we ought to all oppose in a much more vocal manner. It seems you'd have us sit back and say and do nothing.
um, because she's an AMERICAN?
Why don't you devote your life to improving the state of politics and social justice in Africa?
First, don't presume to know what I do and who I am, you have no idea. As far as you know I may be involved in a number of efforts to solve the problems of Africans.
You have missed the point, racism anywhere is a horrible part of any society. In the US it limits some parts of the lives of some people; black, brown, yellow and white. Not all racists are white. But in Zimbabwe the racism leads to the preventable deaths of a number of blacks. Isn't that something we should all vocally oppose?
Your response seems to devalue the problems facing the poor people of Africa. It seems you have no sympathy at all for those who suffer. I do hope this is a conclusion you did not intend.
It shows how little you know about things you write about. Robert Kennedy spoke out about the pogroms in Nigeria and was going to do something if he became President. Unfortunately we all know how that story went . Nixon became president he and with Edward Heath/Wilson in the UK let the pogrom and domination and fratricidal war run it's course as they made sure they controlled the oil in Nigeria and that is how today in Nigeria came to be. The liberals were silenced early and we got their oil and all is fine and dandy although the troubles currently going on in the delta oil delta region of Nigeria won't let all go quiet into the night.
Let's see, RFK ran 40 years ago. What he planned to do in Africa has no bearing on the actions of current liberals. And it is disingenuous to label RFK a liberal, he was against the war in Viet Nam, but was hardly as liberal.
Thanks for your posting, but you did not address what I wrote, you changed the subject. Re-read what I wrote and try to respond to that, please.
The American people need to open their eyes, and stop allowing those with power to convince us that our problems are caused by "the others" (those 'different' than ourselves) Black people didn't ruin my neighborhood. Greedy rich speculators and self-serving politicians did. Mexican immigrants didn't 'steal' my job. Greedy corporate bosses and corrupt politicians found a way to exploit people even poorer than myself to make more profit. The 'cost' of my healthcare didn't go up because of poor people of different races scamming the system. It was allowed to go up to fill the pockets of those at the top of the health & insurance industries and to power the greed of politicians. Like I said-this is a 'class war'.
New Yorker cover is failed satire. America is a failed state. John McCain is a failed straight talker.
The problem with the cartoon of the Obamas is that the satire is supposed to be a comment on the bigoted views of some of it's readers. But those readers are not in the cartoon. The Obamas are the ones who get the short end of this joke.
Cartoons that highlight GW's smirk or his inability to speak English, or of Cheney's heartlessness or of McCains stiff, antiquated style are jokes about them not the readers who have a disproportionately elevated belief in those cliches.
Someone else in these pages suggested that if the New Yorker cartoon had been in a thought balloon over the head of a man having breakfast with his wife while his wife had a thought balloon in which she pictured the Obamas as John and Jackie Kennedy, then the cartoon would have been obviously aimed at misconceptions people carry around about these figures. But as it is, the cover is in bad taste and only casts doubt on the New Yorker's integrity.
The difference between the anti-Semetic "satires" of pre-WWII Austria/Germany -- was that the same NYC-media artistes/editors/writers in the current climate KNOW what the cover means -- and are asking us ALL to demean ourselves as Americans and the multicultural tapestry we are -- for THEIR agenda(s) and enjoyment...OR ELSE...you get them bonding together to defend the undefensible in feeble attempts to make sense of the senseless MOCKERY of fellow Americans. This is the nature of traditional media and its hierarchy. If The New Yorker had more diversity -- aka Native Americans, Latinos, African-Americans, Asians -- on their editorial boards and as writers/editors -- more class, grace and higher standards than mimickry of Colbert/Stewart-in-print (per David Remnick's Charlie Rose defense tableau the other night). WHO says THEY are the arbiters of what is/is not funny -- for ALL Americans? When did one ethnic group get to decide and/or impose their particular standards on the rest of us -- narcissistically framing the blowback as the fault of the "Obama Campaign" instead of honestly -- a groundswell of Americans who have had ENOUGH??? The post-Monday NYC-media spin to help Messrs. Hertzberg, Remnick and Blitt was comical. In short, they tell us WE DON'T GET SATIRE -- and they do. Context (a thought bubble) and/or one kernal of honesty (not one inch of the cover was true for the "satire" to be funny) -- were intentionally and totally ABSENT.
Um, dude?
The traditional tried-and-true retort to speech you don't care for is: more speech.
Start your own magazine. Go on, I'll wait.
He who has the means.
I understand the anger, as the only white student in my 4rth grade class, I was chased and beaten with regularity. I didn't understand why they hated ME. My family wasn't rich, we had no power. All I knew was the neighborhood I grew up in was changing for the worse with each new black person that moved in. It took me a long time to get over my anger at that. See we were all blaming the wrong people for what was happening. My parents both worked full time to be able to own that little bitty house - most of our old neighbors succumbed to the panic induced by unscrupulous realestate speculators. Speculators that then bought those properties-whole blocks at a time- at rock bottom prices-then rented them out and stopped maintaining them. I had a front row seat at a 'ghetto in the making'. See, there's a 'tipping point', when less than 50 % or so of homes in an area are inhabited by their owners- local retail establishments move. Taking services, products and jobs with them. Zoning laws were changed to benefit the slum lords, and code-enforcement was non-existant. None of this was 'poor peoples" fault, but the media and those in power do everything possible to keep us fighting among ourselves. This is a class war-not a race war. So quit fighting over what we call each other-and start getting angry at those whose policies keep us down.
A very good insightful post. The phrase "what a delicate life you have" could be changed to add "have and still have" The saying "what doesn't kill you only serves to make you stronger" is true. If blacks reacted every time a white person tried to use words to hurt us there would be lots more of us in jail. Me included. My father who had grown up in the South when Jim Crow was flourishing taught me this at a young age. As for forgiving maybe, maybe not, and we certainly don't forget. The New Yorker cover was in bad taste on so many levels. As whites they couldn't begin to understand all of the ramifications. Race is a slippery slope in the US, but strides are being made, good things take time
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Posted July 17, 2008 | 10:58 PM (EST)