THE BLOG
12/07/2013 10:09 am ET | Updated Feb 06, 2014

15 Things Not To Do After A Breakup

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After a breakup, it's so easy to feel depressed and alone. It's important to take matters into your own hands and pull yourself back together as quickly as possible. Realize that while it was traumatic, you can go forward and move into the new life that you want.

You don't want to make the same mistakes again that you made in your last relationship, so you have to think about what went wrong. If you haven't figured it out, odds are that you'll make the same mistakes as before. And if you haven't learned that yet, perhaps you haven't done enough work on yourself. There are things that you can do that are self-destructive after a breakup that make it impossible to have another relationship.

What you have to do is really spend time figuring out A) what it is that you want and B) what kind of behavior you engaged in before that didn't work and why the relationship failed. You need to change the approach, so take a look at the things women shouldn't do after a breakup.

1. Change Your Relationship Status on Facebook Right Away: Make sure it's really over before you make a relationship status change on social media. Also if you're in a "new" relationship a week later, you might need to reassess what a relationship really means.

2. Immediately Go On a Trip to "Paradise": Hold off a few months until you've healed and your emotions are more stable, and you'll enjoy the trip more.

3. Bad Mouth Your Ex: Don't share private things that were meant to be kept private between you and your ex. Making negative remarks is something that will haunt you in the future.

4. Become a Full-Time Gym Rat: The only reason to spend four hours a day at the gym is if you're a personal trainer.

5. Overspend: You forget that at the end of the month the bills for all of those really cool things that you bought will be all yours.

6. Get Jealous of Your Friends' Happiness: A lot of unhappy people don't necessarily mean to be jealous of their friends, but they are. "How come her life is coming together and mine isn't?" We all want love, happiness and excitement in our lives. Even though it's not here yet, if you keep a positive attitude it can happen for you.

7. Jump Into Your Jammies and Don't Come Out: After a breakup, never stay in your house and isolate yourself from people who care. Accept all invitations from friends that come your way.

8. Date Obvious Bad Choices: You don't have to date the first person who shows interest. Make better dating choices.

9. Refuse to Let Go: If you go on your ex's social media obsessively, then think about why you feel you need to keep checking on him.

10. Try to Find "Get Even" Dates: When you date your ex's friends or go on dates where you know friends of your ex will be, it certainly won't help you move on.

11. Blame Everybody Else: It's way easier to blame everybody else rather than accept some of the blame for the failed relationship. Some of it has to be on your shoulders.

12. Don't Give Yourself Time to Heal: You don't need to go right into another relationship. Go out with your friends and have fun.

13. Never Stop Talking About Your Problems With Others: Be respectful of other people's time and don't go on and on about your breakup.

14. Overload on Eating and Drinking: Trying to drown your sorrows or stuff them down with food does not help.

15: Talk About Your Ex With Your Children: If you broke up with a spouse, don't try to recruit your children (if you have them) to your side. Getting your kids involved only makes more pain for everybody else. It causes so many more problems.

For more breakup and divorce tips to help you get over your ex, pick up Lois Tarter's new book The Divorce Ritual: Get Up, Get Out and Get On With Your Life.