THE BLOG
01/26/2013 02:14 pm ET Updated Mar 28, 2013

No More Ex Games

While you and your ex-spouse would ideally like to harmoniously co-parent your children, raw emotions from a divorce can often be unpredictable and take over.

If anger exists between you and your ex, it may trickle down to the children. And game playing between you and your former spouse can be more trying on your kids than you can imagine. There should be no "ex games" when it comes to your children. Your children should never be caught in the middle of problems with your ex.

Here are seven things that you and your ex-spouse can do to make things more civilized for the kids.

Plan together: Put any bad feelings aside and create an organized plan with your ex regarding birthdays and holidays. The more organized you both are for these occasions, the better it will be for the kids.

Limit the questions: When the kids come home from visiting your ex, there's no reason to pepper them with questions about the time they spent there. Listen to them if they want to talk about it, but don't cross-examine them.

Keep your feelings to yourself: Don't speak badly about your ex in front of your kids. This will put your children in an uncomfortable position, and you want them to have a healthy relationship with the both of you.

Keep it civil: Even if your ex says something you don't like, try to keep it civil. Treat the situation as though you are talking with a co-worker that you're not fond of, but have to deal with. This will make for a more amicable situation.

Learn to be in the same room: It's important to learn how to be in the same room with your ex after divorce. The kids may have a school play or sporting event that you both would like to attend. Get used to putting any animosity behind you when it comes to events with your kids.

Coordinate gift giving:: There's no need to compete with your ex to show your kids a better time. Be on the same page about giving gifts for all birthdays and holidays.

Share photos: Send some photos via email to each other of your children enjoying themselves at each of your homes. It's important to keep the kids as the focus and not your problems during the post-divorce process.

For more divorce parenting tips pick up Lois Tarter's new book "The Divorce Ritual" by clicking here.

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