Tantric Sex After Prostate Cancer

Did you know that September is Prostate Cancer Awareness month? More and more men in our social realm are affected by prostate cancer. In the past year, six men close to us, all sexually active, fit men in their early 50s to mid 60s, had their prostate removed. Depending on the type of procedure, skill of surgeon and stage of cancer, they may or may not experience erections again.

Does this mean their sex life is over, and the days of orgasms are gone? Well, no. It might not be the same it was, ejaculation and all, but there still can be sexual bliss and orgasm, with or without an erection!

Talking to these men started us on a quest to bring more awareness to the subject. Women have a myriad of support resources about breast cancer. But for men there is not much out there. Prostate cancer and the aftereffects of its treatment shake the very place where many a man defines himself. Not being able to have an erection and penetrate his partner is devastating for his manhood, self-esteem and confidence. The sad thing is that hardly anybody talks about it! Shame and embarrassment abound, and the subject is shoved under the rug.

We have been teaching Tantra workshops for over 10 years. We know a wide range of practices for mind-blowing sex with or without an erection. However, essentially Tantra is not just about sex techniques but the entire human being and a way of life.

Surviving a life-threatening disease often brings about personal transformation. What was important before is no longer meaningful. Life’s pace slows down, and even the mundane and trite moments become sacred. Looking into our partner’s eyes touches us at the bottom of our heart, and sexual union transforms into a meeting of two divine beings. Letting go of the past, we experience this moment; pure, new and fresh. Letting go of the future, we forget the goal. These are tantric practices for living more ecstatically, and when we apply them to sexual intimacy, the sky is the limit in terms of ecstatic, orgasmic experiences!

Sexual satisfaction and orgasms are not dependent on hard or wet genitals. When two lovers are deeply in tune with each other energetically, their intimacy can become the portal to the great bliss of tantric union rather than ending in the fleeting gratification of ejaculation. Remember Sting’s infamous seven-hour lovemaking sessions? Do you really think that he sported an erection the entire time? There are options, and many ways to make love!

Don, a retired scientist, had a prostatectomy seven years ago. “One of the first steps in my healing process”, he said, “was to accept that I could not get an erection, and that I really wanted one. I desperately wanted to find a way for his penis to get hard again.”

Finally, after about three years, he tried intracavernous injection therapy, injecting medicine into his penis before intercourse. It worked; he got an erection. But to his surprise his orgasm was a completely new experience. Rather than the orgasm of brief throbbing and ejaculation, it continued for many minutes, and sent waves of ecstatic vibrations through his whole body and that of his partner. By accident he discovered what we call a full body orgasm. Curious about the experience, Don and Jane attended several of our workshops and learned about the physiology of the body’s ecstatic response and the spiritual-sexual connection. They explored tantric practices that apply to their everyday life, and their intimate loving.

Nowadays when they make love he might use the injections, or not, and it is satisfying all the same. Jane tells me that their sex life is the best it’s been in their 30-year marriage! While Don certainly was not happy about his cancer, he is grateful for getting a different outlook on life, and a new perspective on what his body is capable of. He is thankful for being open to learn new ways of making love and relating to his wife. And above all, he is happy to be alive.

For those men unable to get erections after prostate cancer treatment, Western medicine provides various options for the physical part of having sex. From the tantric perspective there are many ways to connect with our ecstatic selves, with our without the medical help. To experience high sex is a transformational journey, not dependent on the prostate, and it enriches not only our sexual activities but our entire life.

It is our sincere wish to start a conversation about this important subject and to encourage each and every one of us to talk about it and create community and support for all those affected by prostate cancer.

Are you interested to learn more about specific techniques, or have any questions or comments? Feel free to contact Lokita and Steve Carter at [e-mail] or visit our website at ecstaticliving.com or connect with us on Facebook.

Follow Lokita and Steve Carter on Twitter: www.twitter.com/lokitacarter

Comments

[Lokita and Steve Carter - Huffpost Blogger]

Here are some comments we received from our readers who requested not to be named....

Frank, 52
Great, well written Huffington Post article. I see so many pained faces when men in my prostate support group speak of their dissatisfaction with sex. It is strange, but for me, I feel liberated from my own expectations that I must get and maintain an erection. I am completely free to enjoy fabulous pre-orgasm sensations and emotions strong full body orgasms, without a thought given to maintaining an erection. I am free to be intimate and pleasure my partner without an erection. If erection returns with or without medication, I will certainly welcome it, and it will be only one more event in my life for which to have gratitude.

[Lokita and Steve Carter - Huffpost Blogger]

We'd like to thank our readers for the many e-mails we have received! Their volume indicates that the time is high for us all to share, and learn, and open the box on this issue that must no longer be ignored!

[Suzie Heumann - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you for this topic Lokita and Steve. There is very little for couples to learn about new ways to advocate for sexual pleasure after having gone through prostate cancer treatments. Neo-tantric techniques provide so much more than just adjustments to the situation the couple is left with. Retraining the brain and body to go beyond what it knew in the past is an opportunity for the couple to go on a new journey together and to find the joys of that journey together.
I think that an even longer article that you could supply to many Internet sites is appropriate and would serve an under-represented market for this information.

[Lokita and Steve Carter - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks, Suzie, and yes, we are working on a longer article covering a variety of angles. It is a subject very close to our hearts, as we often get men who are prostate cancer survivors, and the adjustment is not easy, for either the man or the woman. I agree that many tantric practices can be beneficial. I'll keep you posted as to when and where the article will be published!

[Elsbeth Meuth - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks, Lokita, for bringing the attention to this topic of healing and experiencing pleasure post prostate cancer. I totally share your view and approach. You are doing great work! Much love, Elsbeth from www.TantraNova.com.

[Lokita and Steve Carter - Huffpost Blogger]

thank you for the comment, Elsbeth. Our motto is that pleasure is healing, and awareness is the first step of the journey. Perhaps you could let your contacts know about this article so that together we can cast a wide net! Love to you both.

[PhilipB]

I agree with your post. I would only add that for us cuddling, kind words of affection every morning and night, nicknames of affection, sharing activities even like grocery shopping or going to hardware store, kissing on the sofa and in bed, these little things cannot be underestimated in the happiness in a relationship.

[Lokita and Steve Carter - Huffpost Blogger]

Yes, Philip, thank you for the insights! You describe tools for intimacy that are heartful and honoring, and I'm sure they make your partner loved and appreciated. Practicing the tools for intimacy is another way of making love!