Rush Limbaugh, Love Guru?

Listen up, ladies. Your prayers have been answered. Rush Limbaugh has become your new marriage counselor. And he's just unloaded the secret to keeping your marriage intact.

Shut your pie hole.

I'll give you a moment to write that down. You're not going to want to lose that pearl of wisdom.

Apparently, Mr. Limbaugh believes if you want a happy marriage and keep your man from suffering that horrible "I can't keep it in my pants" flu, then you better not open that mouth of yours unless it's for some oral lovin'.

Yes, that hot piece of ass Rushy was busy dissecting the sex scandal du jour and figured out all on his own why John Edwards strayed from his wife, Elizabeth. And no, it had nothing to do with the little head doing the thinking for the big head.

The ever-eloquent talk show host was wondering on air what caused the affair and concluded: "Could it be that she doesn't shut up? ...It just seems to me that Edwards might be attracted to a woman whose mouth did something other than just talk."

Oh, that wacky Rush. Can he get to the bottom of a problem, or what? I'm starting to wonder if Mike Myers based his Love Guru character on the sin-Zen, shock jock, Limbaugh wisdom.

Basically, he's telling women that we are omnipotent in marriage. It's completely up to us whether or not our marriage will succeed or fail. We can decide to live happily, albeit mutely, ever after. Or we can chuck that wedding ring into the garbage disposal and express opinions, ask questions and be a general pain in the ass. It's our choice.

I'm drunk with power just thinking about it.

Of course some of you little troublemakers out there will have questions regarding this perfected point of view.

For example, if we can't talk, how DO we communicate with our husbands? How can we ask what he wants for dinner? Or what if he wants another beer? Should we invest in a chalkboard? Cue cards perhaps? Take up sign language?

Oh wait. That would really hinder our ability to administer great "hand affection." Is that really fair to our men? Or could that alone be grounds for divorce?

And then there's the whole other "what else am I allowed with my mouth" question? Is food allowed?

Don't worry your pretty little head over it. I'm sure he'll tell us in his next book.

So I say, God bless you, Big R. Now I know that if ever I feel my relationship is shaky, I won't resort to any foolish communication. I'll simply assume the position and only say, "AHHHHH."

There's just one thing, old Rushy-poo.

What do men do if women feel like straying? I'm assuming the same rules would apply?

I mean, you may really be on to something. Women just might be attracted to men whose mouth did something other than talk.

But in your case, we'll make an exception. You can just shut up.

Comments

[dadw5boys]

YOU HAVE TO IGNOR RUSH HIS WIDE STANCE MAKES HIM LESS A EXPERT ON MARRIAGE THAN HE IS ON ECONOMICS!

[JackG]

Rush's bullying, bloviating and outright lies are an insult to the intelligence of the average listener.
Nevertheless, there are millions of Rush fans, both male and female. They accept everything he says unequivocally. It's probably easier than thinking for themselves. The women are probably following Rush's marital advice right now. Their husbands are bigger Rush fans than ever in their gratitude for their wives' newfound oral interest.
Come to think of it, I think I'll encourage my wife to listen to Rush.

[rshrink]

I would say that Rush doesn't love anything but himself and especially the sound of his own voice. This is likely why his marriages didn't work out and he lives alone, except for his maid who gets drugs for him on demand. Now we know why he didn't see anything wrong with that.

[MsAnn]

I've asked nicely, "please do this or that" several times. Now, the fourth time, I'm a bit irritated that I have to use my "mommy" voice with my husband - and now he's complaining that I'm nagging? Why do I have to ask for help? Do I need to write a list of everyday chores and pin them to his shirt? Maybe that's why men aren't getting any action at home. What woman wants to sleep with a child? We want men. Men get tigers in bed when their wives aren't exhausted.

Women have to do everything or are accused of being a nag. My husband made me think that men are now obsolete. I did everything AND brought home the bacon. Buh, bye... no more adult children in my house.

[JScott]

He needs to take his own advice.

[metalpipe]

He is paid to open his pie hole and spew caustic non-sence. But, as a man of three marraiges (the third on the way out), I have come to the conclusion that marraige isn't for everyone. Especially when you are a good looking fellow like Edwards. He must get propositioned all the time.

Rush is one of those cocky, wealthy, self assured people who hides his fears well and continues to hold our interest with his silliness. I know that women are impressed with a self confident man, regardless of what he says OR DOES. It is a genetic (sefl destruct) defect in women; kink of like a guy getting married for the big tits. Sad really, but it inspires guys to experiment with Rush style tactics every now and then to see if they catch some fish (no offense intended). Cause you know, lonliness really sucks.

[OtayPanky]

Pie hole...mmmmmm

[YouDisgustMe]

lol great article

[Badbone]

So, is he wrong? Do women retain their husbands with more nagging, or less? I’m no fan of Limbaugh, but I see his point. Too many marriages devolve into something closer resembling two business partners. Bills, the kid’s schedules, work.

So when a man feels like the only times she opens her mouth is to complain about how he still hasn’t fixed the garage door, then yeah, he may just look elsewhere.

This is news to you ladies?

[Cranbot]

Hmmm, Bad Bone....? That's called life. Can't f**k all the time ya know. Little things like bill paying and work and kids do need attention.

I'll agree with you that due to sheer exhaustion sex takes a back seat, especially when children are small, but if your wife is nagging you then maybe you aren't doing your share?

[RockySoldier]

Maybe if his wife is nagging, she's a bit out of her lane with responsibility. women should stop trying to control and direct everything. the nagging of a woman is always blamed on the stereotypical slovenly, lazy, stupid man.

it's politically incorrect to say maybe women need to calm the hell down, but it needs to be said. women need to calm down and stop trying to control everything.

[RockySoldier]

...and who decided the woman was in charge of all of that? sometimes, women seem to do more than their fair share just so they can complain about how their man 'is just lazy'. it's pretty hard to believe the man-hating that exists out there. i don't know how any one of you stays married. well, yes i do- financial obligations. the only reason for a husband to say with you would be because it costs him less financially.

[SurrealPumpkin]

Silence isn't the only choice. Initiate conversations that have nothing to do with fixing the garage door. It takes work at first but it's amazing how quickly the habit grows.

[Lisa Earle McLeod - Huffpost Blogger]

The sad part is, I think at some point in his life, Big Boy Rush may have experienced the activity he is currently promoting.

Is it just me, or is anyone else getting a really bad visual here?

[Lora Somoza - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank. I may not eat for a week now.

[Democrab]

Who in here even cares about what Russhhhh the high on drugs, right wing blowfish says? Or for that matter, who cares about the reasoning of a slime like John Edwards during his ego sating debauchery.

[BADEN]

He was known as Weinie in high school...
The rest, as they say, is his....story.

[PATina]

waaaahahahahahahahaha... now I see why he makes the big bucks !!!!!

[jfor]

There would be a lot less of Rush if he shut his pie hole now and then.