In a recent conversation for Harper's Bazaar, Demi Moore, actor and soon to be ex of Ashton Kutchner, shared a very personal, and quite startling, revelation that sent the blogosphere abuzz. In a moment of naked candor, the lovely and talented Demi admitted:
"I would say that what scares me is that I'm going to ultimately find out at the end of my life that I'm really not loveable, that I'm not worthy of being loved. That there's something fundamentally wrong with me."
A deeply personal admission, yes. Startling? For many, yes, because it is the rare celebrity icon that will admit to the world that despite her much touted beauty, enviable body, to die for wardrobe, superstar husbands, jet set lifestyle and international fame, she feels unworthy of being loved. But by allowing her personal vulnerability to be put on public view, Demi Moore has become a rare role model, and the personification of the fact that beauty and fame do not guarantee true love. She has graciously given voice to a basic concern so many women have about themselves, but are afraid to even think, let alone have the courage say out loud:
Why can't I find someone to love me?
To be loved is what we all desire and say we want, but it's also what we seem to understand the least and fear the most. We spend much of our time worrying and wondering why we can't seem to attract love, and when it doesn't materialize, far too many of us conveniently fall back on the excuses that all the good guys are taken, or men are just dogs. Most of us don't ever consider our own role when it comes to creating a lasting, loving relationship. Rarely do we concern ourselves with the quality of love we have to offer a partner, and why should we? Love is something that's suppose to just, well, happen. It's suppose to find us, and fuel the happily ever after life we've been dreaming of.
Consider this: When it comes to love, too many of us are satisfied simply experiencing love as a state of mind. We allow love to dwell less in our hearts and more in our heads -- a placement fueled by love songs, romance novels and celebrity relationships. But just like learning to be a great lover between the sheets, to be a great emotional lover -- with all your clothes on and various body parts in their proper places -- takes practice. Lots of practice.
I truly believe in falling in love in life as much as I possibly can. This, of course, has meant redefining my idea of what falling in love means. I've expanded my idea from "lifelong partnership" to include any relationship -- whether it lasts five minutes, five days or 25 years -- that captures my attention through my heart as well as my head. What I've learned is that it's the short little "love affairs" that keep my heart stimulated and my loving energy constantly engaged.
Trust me when I tell you that through the years, love has dealt me some serious blows and has tested my resolve and faith. But the lessons I've learned through love, and about love, have made my life mostly fabulous. I learned that unless you love yourself first and understand your worth, you'll always be looking for love in other people, and that's a recipe for disaster. I've learned that if you fear love, you'll never grow as a person and that loving full out is better than protecting your heart. I've learned that love isn't always meant to be forever, but its lessons and memories are, and that the only way you can get good at love is to do it, feel it, and share it. I've learned that if love goes unattended, it will die, and that the more good love you give, the more good love you get.
So just don't wait for love, live love. Because, ultimately, it's not always about WHO you love, but rather DO you love.