I can't tell you how many of my unattached friends and clients are lamenting the onset of this holiday season. I can't say that I blame them. With its emphasis on family traditions, gift exchanges, and togetherness, the holiday season can be tough for single ladies because it's one of those times during the year (like New Year's Eve and Valentine's Day) when being alone can feel particularly lonely. If you're like many of the women I know, whether you've said it out loud or whispered it in your hearts, you've added a man to your Santa wish list. But, as I have found with my chosen (and totally ineffective) weight loss program these past few years, hoping and waiting doesn't make it so.
However, on the positive side, this is also the season for putting your wants and wishes into the air. If you are in the market to add a partner to your life in the coming new year, it's important to be concerned first and foremost about what YOU want in a man. We women spend so much of our time worrying about being worthy and wondering why nobody seems to want us, that we have no idea what is really important to us when it comes down to the nitty gritty of love. We scour magazines and the Internet looking for clues to what men want and how we can become that girl so they will pick us. In our desire to "be what he wants," most of us are willing to change ourselves and deny our own needs for the sake of having someone who we call 'special' in our lives. When we do this, we forget two important facts:
1) You already are someone special, and 2) Happiness is truly fleeting if you deny yourself and your truth. Because really, no man, no matter his looks, personality, or wealth will make you happy if he is ultimately not what YOU want.
So, get out your Santa stationary and make your list. Sit quietly and think about what you want in your mate. Don't get caught up with the superficial--what he looks like, how much money he makes, how he dresses, where he was educated, what part of town he lives in, what kind of car he drives, etc. None of those things count in the long run. Concentrate on the personality qualities, morals and values that are deal breakers for you.
Now take a look at your list of gentle demands. Is it reasonable? Would you be capable of meeting your own needs? Does it demand more of a mate than it does of yourself?
'Tis the magical season of believing and receiving. So take a moment to focus on what you truly want. Once you've done that, you've taken the first step in creating it. Know what you want and ask for it. But don't sit by the fireplace with a plateful of cookies waiting. Start doing the work necessary to assure that you are a partner who is worthy and equal to one you are asking for.
Believe in the magic of Christmas, and the wonder of YOU!
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