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Lori Sokol

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Marriage Name Change: Still a Feminist Issue?

Posted: 08/28/10 09:00 AM ET

The current media frenzy about the latest female celebrity to replace her last name with that of her new spouse is sure to infuriate longstanding feminists who have fought long and hard for women to keep their maiden names ... or not. You see, this time, the rules have changed, and they have been forever changed by Portia DeRossi.

The 37-year-old actress has filed a petition in a Los Angeles court to change her name from DeRossi to DeGeneres, the last name of her much more famous same-sex partner, giving birth to a new debate about whether taking a spouse's name is, in fact, a feminist issue, when that spouse is, in fact, of the same gender.

On one side of the debate is Assemblywoman Fiona Ma, who has recently put forth a bill that would make California the seventh state to give married spouses and domestic partners equal opportunity to take their surname of choice. Ma says the proposal is really about "equality in relationships."

But would pioneering feminists like Lucy Stone, the 19th century women's rights champion who advocated for women to retain their own names after marriage, necessarily agree? Quoted as saying that "A wife should no more take her husband's name than he should hers ... my name is my identity and should not be lost," the Lucy Stone League, which carries on her work, proclaims that when women take their spouses names it is considered "name-abandonment," but that this is so much a part of U.S. culture that few recognize it for what it is: a powerful instance of sex discrimination that has a major effect on women's lives and work.

The issue of sex-discrimination is obviously obliterated when referring to same-sex couples, but it can still be similarly damaging to ones career. Journalists, for example, build their careers, reputations and even brands based upon their bylines, so changing one's name can cause much confusion, particularly in today's new media world where content is shared at lightning speed, with little or no time for consumers to read the fine print. But it doesn't stop there.

According to a European study published earlier this year entitled, "What's in a Name? 361.708 Euros: The Effects of Marital Name Change," women who took their partner's name appear to be different from women who kept their own name on a variety of demographics and beliefs. A woman who took her partner's name or a hyphenated name, for example, was judged as more caring, more dependent, less intelligent, more emotional, less competent and less ambitious in comparison to a woman who kept her own name.

A woman with her own name, on the other hand, was judged as less caring, more independent, more ambitious, more intelligent and more competent, which was similar to how unmarried women and men (married or not) were judged in the study. Finally, and perhaps most significantly, a job applicant who took her partner's name, in comparison to one with her own name, was less likely to be hired for a job and her monthly salary was estimated €861,21 lower, or $1109.32 in U.S. dollars.

But somehow, in the case of the new Ms. DeGeneres, I don't think this will necessarily be the case.

Lori Sokol, Ph.D., is the President of Sokol Media, Inc., and host of the weekly radio show, 'Juggling Act,' on 1490AM WGCH. She can be reached at lori@sokolmediaonline.com.

 

Follow Lori Sokol on Twitter: www.twitter.com/lorisokolphd

The current media frenzy about the latest female celebrity to replace her last name with that of her new spouse is sure to infuriate longstanding feminists who have fought long and hard for women to k...
The current media frenzy about the latest female celebrity to replace her last name with that of her new spouse is sure to infuriate longstanding feminists who have fought long and hard for women to k...
 
 
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chaya
Another proud veteran
01:01 PM on 09/07/2010
The author is missing the point. Women used to LOSE their names. They didn't choose their husband's name, it was given to them. When women began to hyphenate their names in the 60's and 70's, they were ridiculed for not giving up their names.

Today the issue is only whether a spouse of either gender should be allowed to choose the name of his or her partner if he or she wants to do so.

There is no comparison.
04:28 PM on 09/05/2010
I find this really funny as De Rossi isn't even her real name. She was born Mandy Rogers!

But I do think this is a complicated and serious issue, even if individuals think it's not.

I am married and did not change my name. Like many of my peers, I felt there was no need to and had absolutely no pressure or assumption from anybody that I would.

The complication for us is with our daughter. I ended up giving her my last name as her middle name and my husband's name as her last name. I don't like this particularly but it seemed the best option. My husband did consider changing his name to mine... But in the end we kept our own names.

My reasoning, was that as a teacher I know that kids with last names different to their fathers were more likely to be assumed not "their" children. I know it's kind of sucky logic, but neither of us wanted a hyphenated option as it only creates more chaos down the line...

I don't like that we don't all have the same name, but I am always happy to sign my name that was always mine and will always be.
02:37 PM on 09/05/2010
I never really understood the name debate. What does a name tell you about a person? Is it really any indicator of their personality? People change names constantly in society, almost everyone has at least one nickname, people shorten names from Joseph to Josh to Joe... In America, most names don't even have meaning like in some other cultures. In my opinion, whether man or woman, a name is their choice. If someone is attached to their name, keep it. If not, change it. I don't see how it is such an important topic. This shouldn't a feminist issue, names aren't only important to women. Everyone should be able to name themselves whatever they please (including the first names).
05:54 PM on 09/04/2010
i am looking at this in a more practical way. i think it would disorienting to children for their household to not share the same name assuming there were no step-parents/step-children in the equation.

but if we all started hyphenating our names...it will take forever for our children to sign checks and birthday cards.

for example...jane smith-jones marries john adams-thomas...so her name is now jane smith-jones-adams-thomas? -- hyphenation needs to be rethought for sure!
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vim876
03:06 PM on 09/06/2010
Millie Smith marries Jimmy Jones. They produce Jane Smith-Jones. Emily Adams marries Billy Thomas. They produce John Adams-Thomas. When Jane and John get married, they become the Smith-Thomas family. They have Lily Smith-Thomas, who marries Phil McGee-Wilson. The Smith-Wilsons have kids, etc. etc.

Not that complicated. Seriously.
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thecoffeegod
11:24 AM on 09/04/2010
I kept my last name because I like it and ditched the first name. I know of one couple who combined their names into a new one and they both use it.

Stop letting society tell you who you are. Define that one for yourself.
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Morgantheaxe
Eisenhower Republicans don't drink tea!!
01:40 AM on 09/04/2010
Ever give any thought to the consequences of these crusades you women go on? Look at our society. Look at your kids. Familys used to grow up in houses. and these houses had names. You had self respect because you were part of that house. Now men might as well take their wives names because if there is a split SHE is getting the house and it will carry her name. Of course the children will grow up really damaged because they have no father. No patriarch to follow. You women don't get it do you? You destroy society with your bratty whims. It means something to children to carry their fathers name. It means something to them to see their father respected and to know they grow up in a strong house. A house that has a name. Of course I realize most of you, by the comments in this thread, care more about some invented cause than you do about your children not seeing the one person who MOST should be showing respect to their patriarch (his wife) not even willing to accept his name. Tell me again why you get married? Its certainly not to have a husband. Maybe instead of husbands you should introduce your men as "my buddy for life."
05:44 PM on 09/04/2010
i think the point is that there is a shift from the strong patriarchal family unit that you seem to strongly identify with, to a unit that may be either matriarchal or ambiguous.

one can show respect to their husband without recognizing him as the patriarch of the family. a lot of families are more egalitarian, especially when both partners work, or when the man is the stay at home parent.

if the man stays at home and performs the traditional "wifely" duties, then according to you, she should have the right to name the house. and therefore he should take her name.
09:35 PM on 09/02/2010
The last-name change is the last frontier of feminism. People can deny that all they want, and claim "the man's name was a better name," or "the woman is only keeping her father's name anyway," etc., but the truth is: men don't have to decide whether to keep the name they grew up with, or face the annoying social consequences of their decision. It's only women who have to make this choice.
02:43 PM on 09/02/2010
Meh. I changed my last name to my husbands name when I married. He had a better last name, easier to spell and speak, and why do I care about holding onto a name I got from another man, my father, anyway? I have a career and my homemaker husband doesn't, and I never once regretted the name change because of career reasons (or any). I think people should do what they want with their name, and not make into into the political issue that it is not. I like having the same last name as my husband, because we are a team, and I never once felt like I lost anything.
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Mister Biggles
06:52 AM on 09/03/2010
Would it have been ok if you got your name from your mother or another woman?
12:41 PM on 09/03/2010
Well I never liked my previous last name anyway, given the choice to take better one was an easy decision. It might have been different if my last name was easier to live with. I know when we were getting married we discussed him taking mine or making up a new one, but I like his last name! It is not common, but is also the name of a major city, so just unusual enough to be distinctive yet everyone can spell and pronounce it. My only point about maiden names being from another man, your father, is that they are still decided on a patriarchal system. Even when the woman keeps her original last name upon marriage, it is very rare in my experience for the kids to get moms last name and not dads. (Maybe we should abandon this whole last name thing and just have a single name to identify ourselves with? In this day and age, you typically need more than a name to ensure you are connecting with the correct person anyway)
11:15 AM on 08/31/2010
It's an individual choice. Perhaps a person did not have a good relationship with her family of origin. Perhaps her last name is Schmutzenpheffer or Schittleotz or such, and her partner's last name is something easier and/or more pleasant-sounding. Or perhaps it just feels right. It isn't for anyone else to decide. We shouldn't be telling women they have to change their names when they marry, nor should we tell them they can't change their names if they wish to.
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Morgantheaxe
Eisenhower Republicans don't drink tea!!
01:43 AM on 09/04/2010
Were so gone as a society. Every single moral and moray regarding family and marriage are just gone. Familys used to be introduced as the ________s. Now its Mr. so and so and Ms. whatchamacallit and their kids. No such thing as a "house" any more. Just muddy weak living arrangments. Its no wonder kids act the way they do in schools and everywhere else. You used to not want to shame your fathers name with bad behavior. Now pffft who cares mom doesnt even use it.
10:50 AM on 08/31/2010
Here's a novel idea. How bout letting a person decide what do with their own name and not latch onto it to promote your own cause? If a woman wants to take her partner's name, that's her business and no one else's. I'm a big believer in equality and getting rid of traditions that make women less important than men. But if a woman is exercising her own free will, no one else should care what her last name is.
07:17 PM on 08/30/2010
I consider myself a feminist. I changed my name when I got married. I changed it back when I got divorced. When I get married again next summer, I will not be legally changing my name, because it is a huge pain in the butt and I've already done it twice. Socially, however, I will be taking my fiance's last name. I'm doing what works best for me, which is what everyone should be allowed to do.
02:46 PM on 08/30/2010
Why is it that men don't change their own names. Women has from time immemorial been the ones that has been subjected to the loss of their life-long indentities. Even her children are not named after her. Men made up this tradition to suit themselves and women must realize that this is not true equality.
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Morgantheaxe
Eisenhower Republicans don't drink tea!!
01:54 AM on 09/04/2010
Study a little history will ya. This was done for SURVIVAL!!! Get it. It dates back to an age where you lived by a code of conduct or villages and towns died. You know, other people from other villages came and killed you. Of course times are not nearly as drastic here so we take the most basic of traditions and scorn them. Yet you do it without the slightest idea of the consequence. You are damaging society, your family, and your country when you choose not to take your husbands name. Perhaps it means that much to you, but dont kid yourself everything has consequences. Look at your own children. Look at how they behave at school and when you arent around. You can by looking at how other children behave. We are a society after all and behavior is always a pattern emulated by many. Do not kid yourself. More traditional familys are more succesful and happier. Its a fact. Modern free wheelling family are almost always disasters that usually has a "feminist" mom at its core who just wants to be her kids "friend." Think everyone needs to step back and re learn our roles in society. Husband, wife, parent, teacher, employer, employee, etc. etc. etc. We are failing miserably ppl. Get back to basics.
12:39 PM on 08/30/2010
am i wrong? But not changing your last name to your husband's/spouse's name to keep your father's last name really an issue today for feminist?
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01:51 PM on 08/30/2010
I don't really identify it as a "feminist" issue but for many of us who went to professional school with our "maiden" names, changing our names upon marriage isn't the right choice. Whether the name given to you at birth is your father's or someone else's, it is your identity.

Which adds a twist to the example in this article -- Portia DeRossi is a stage name....
04:29 PM on 08/30/2010
ya if you have built a resume off a particular name i would agree that the name would be important. i suppose i would just default to the notion that this is a personal issue between a couple.

neither side traditionalist or feminist should really get a say in the matter
06:35 PM on 08/30/2010
The quality of my work is my identity. I'd say the same for my Phd mother who took my father's last name. I suppose I enjoyed having the same parents as my siblings- and the same last name as the rest of my immediate family. She is solid, a professional, and a feminist.
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Alice Radley
Post hoc ergo propter hoc
12:30 PM on 08/30/2010
There aren't too many rights of passage from childhood to adulthood in our society. For me, changing my name when I was married was rather like shedding my childhood, wrapping myself in this new cloak of adulthood.
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01:55 PM on 08/30/2010
This is how I assumed it was traditionally -- but most are adults long before they are married (as the average age in some circles is closer to 30 than 20 as it used to be....)
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Alice Radley
Post hoc ergo propter hoc
03:12 PM on 08/30/2010
As I said, that's what it was for ME. I can't speak for everyone. I was only 20 when I was married. Beyond driving and voting, it was a major move into adulthood.
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Nick Santiago
02:26 AM on 08/30/2010
This is definitely still a feminist issue and one we must be ever vigilant about. Like some examples given by various commenters here, the idea of patriarchal ownership in a woman's name change is still very much alive in this country in some areas. This and many other patriarchal ideas/practices.

However let us not forget that changing one's name upon marriage is a women's issue like abortion, voting rights, birth control and no-fault divorce. The heart of feminism is about women having the RIGHT to choose, not WHAT she chooses.
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Mister Biggles
04:59 AM on 08/30/2010
Funny, but I'm willing to bet that most of these feminists allowed their husbands to pay for more dates than they did and to be the one who proposes...

The fact that so many women here reject the idea of taking their father's name, but not their mother's (until they realize their mother's name was her father's name) speaks to misandry, pure and simple. Unless they are, in fact, owned by their matriarchs...
12:40 PM on 08/30/2010
good point
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blinkthink
Bob Dole-Truthteller of the GOTP
11:47 PM on 08/30/2010
LOL.