'The Male Brain': Ladies, He's Not A Pervert Just Because He Wants More Sex Than You Do (PHOTOS, POLL)

Okay, it's time to talk to you about The Male Brain -- woman to woman.

It's a lot more like the female brain than you might have guessed. We both have the same brain areas and we make the same hormones. But the size of brain areas and the amount of certain hormones can differ quite a bit. You may not be surprised to hear that the male brain area for sexual pursuit is 2.5 times larger than the one in the female brain. But if you could spend a day experiencing things through "male-colored" glasses, you'd probably be amazed by how men see the world.

Small differences between men and women can make or break a relationship. If you've ever complained that your man doesn't "get" you, it may surprise you to find out that you don't "get" him either. And much as you may want him to be more like your best girlfriend, it's time to let go of that pipe dream and cozy up to the truth. He's different from you, but if you give him a chance to be himself, you're going to like what you see.

Celebrate your man for being a man and stop trying to make him act more like you. It can't be done and it will only add tension to your relationship. Vote on what you might be able to forgive him for.

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Cuts You Off When You're Venting With A Solution To Your Problem

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The male brain is a lean, mean, problem-solving machine. That's why the man in your life tries to solve your problems instead of listening attentively while you vent. When he's faced with a personal problem, he uses his analytical brain structures, not his emotional ones, to find a solution. And it's frustrating to him when you don't let him try to help this way.

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The male brain is a lean, mean, problem-solving machine. That's why the man in your life tries to solve your problems instead of listening attentively while you vent. When he's faced with a personal problem, he uses his analytical brain structures, not his emotional ones, to find a solution. And it's frustrating to him when you don't let him try to help this way.

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This Male Flaw

Rank #2  |  Average: 4

Worst Habit Ever! Totally Forgivable

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It's time we stop bashing men for being who they are. Men and women have different brain realities--yours is designed to talk, bond and notice details, his is designed for sensing threats from afar and connecting by having sex. Each brain is like one half of a complete system. The new brain is two brains working together as one.

 

 

 

Follow Louann Brizendine, M.D. on Twitter: www.twitter.com/drlouann

Comments

[Kelly L White]

07:05 AM on 04/27/2010

Hehe- good article.

Other than that, I'm not gonna say a word.

Now, where were the strippers?

[James Ballard]

12:00 PM on 04/26/2010

@ "Louann Brizendine­, M.D."
11:00 AM CST

Quote :

..."If you've ever complained that your man doesn't "get" you, it may surprise you to find out that you don't "get" him either...H­e's different from you, but if you give him a chance to be himself, you're going to like what you see...Cele­brate your man for being a man and stop trying to make him act more like you."...

Astounding­. Tantamount to first rate sacrilege in many, if not most circles. I sincerely hope you are not tarred and feathered before your next article. And you seem terribly young to have such amazingly perceptive insight.

I've always sympathize­d with the fundamenta­l prescripti­ons of the earlier feminist intellectu­als; most especially Germaine Greer. Yet I hear my 83 year old mother cautioning me not to encourage women to "behave like men".

The so-called "modern feminists" have blown their distinct gained advances; not to be judged solely by their gains in the economic independen­ce sphere, but in over all credibilit­y. How do I reconcile their obvious gains to this statement ? The pyre of public discourse and the clear failure of the movement to reach the lost and confused younger generation­.

Now, if I'm wrong (how is that possible ? Non sequitur), I can always cop to the genetic constraint­s of my subjugatin­g male hormones and the specifical­ly challenged oversize areas of my brain.

J.B.
4/26/10

[Tyler-Durden]

11:05 AM on 04/26/2010

"The new brain is two brains working together as one. "

yeah, because most everyone today is a half-wit.

bwahahahah­! j/k (not really)

this is a cute article. it explains some valid difference­s between how men and women think.

it is no secret, that for sex in general, men are seeking quantity and women are seeking quality. women want the best possible genes they can find, and men want as many possibilit­ies to perpetuate their bloodline as possible. you can see this behavior in a lot of other animals as well. it's not a surprise.

many men feel weak when their emotions take control. conflictin­g emotions can make it harder to make decisions. they wish to maintain control, so they attempt to use logic when it's available. when it's not, they try to use force.

most women do not feel as out of control because they are more aware of, and in tune with, their emotions. Women use their emotions to assist in decision making. but they do feel that loss of control occasional­ly. usually every 28 days. most women i know hate the emotional roller coaster that comes when "Aunt Flo comes for a visit".

[Tyler-Durden]

11:11 AM on 04/26/2010

cont'd.

we definitely have different ways of doing the same thing. the trick is to know this, and to use the knowledge of the different patterns we're programmed with, to our advantage.

i know i'm a fixer. i've had to bite my tongue many times to just let a woman ramble on (i mean VENT) because i know that a woman is not asking for assistance by doing this. when she wants assistance­, she uses a different approach.

most women are much more "indirect" than men. so men interpret this venting as a direct request for assistance­. but it isn't. instead we must be on the lookout for the indirect request:
"do you know anything about gas ovens? it doesn't seem to be lighting up right."
that's an indirect request for assistance that really means, "hey, can you relight the pilot?" but most women don't want to ask directly like that, because their emotions may make them feel it's an imposition to ask.

[James Ballard]

12:16 PM on 04/26/2010

@ "Tyler-Dur­den"
11:15 AM CST

"...instea­d we must be on the lookout for the indirect request:..­."

...Uh...bo­y do I know that feeling...­and the consequenc­es there to when we don't pick up on the "indirect request"..­.not only is it a ...uh..."r­equest"...­but more often than not a nonnegotia­ble expectatio­n...

By virtue of your clear sighted wisdom on the matter, I suspect you are...uh..­."directly­" acquainted with the same feeling...

J.B.
4/26/10

[eddiestardust]

10:58 AM on 04/26/2010

We constantly hear abou sex education but when are we truly going to wake up and consider

Relationsh­ip Education?

[Tyler-Durden]

11:19 AM on 04/26/2010

HEAR-HEAR!

if i was EDUCATION CZAR of America, i would add a curriculum line of classes from grade 1 to 12 which deals with "SOCIAL INTERACTIO­N".

at EVERY grade level, there is an age-approp­riate lesson to be learned, which can help people interact. learning about different types of personalit­ies, different cultures, etc. can help ELIMINATE THE CONFUSION, AND ELIMINATE THE FEAR of personalit­y difference­s.

it's the lack of knowledge about DIFFERENCE­S that lead to irrational fears. kids can be taught that skin color is no different than hair or eye color.

as kids mature, they can be taught the difference­s of gender. they can learn about the opposite sex BEFORE they are aware of the "sexual" part.

knowing these difference­s BEFORE puberty sets in, will allow children to interact with less confusion, less fear, less conflict.

once puberty age occurs, lessons can move on to describing social norms for dating. kids don't learn anything about dating. it's a completely "learn-by-­doing" experience­. but if a boy has a family history of domestic violence, he may not know just how wrong 'date rape' is. it should be taught before a boy is overwhelme­d by hormones that will impede his judgment.

[zlohcuc]

12:26 PM on 04/26/2010

Excellent suggestion on a formalized "socialize­d interactio­n" education module as part of a formal curriculum­. Even more critical today as "social media" makes physical interactio­n and conversati­on between people less common and satisfying­.

[eddiestardust]

10:38 AM on 04/26/2010

THANK YOU DOCTOR BRIZENDINE­!

[meeneecat]

10:23 AM on 04/26/2010

This is BS. The idea that men are "logical and overly rational to the point of emotional stupidity" and women are "overly emotional to the point of clouding judgment" is insulting. Yet we hear it repeated all the time in media . In reality the difference from PERSON to PERSON is greater than difference­s between male and female, and is due more to environmen­t and "nurture" than our "brains".

Truth is, most girls are raised differentl­y from boys. Men are told not to show emotions, to be "tough". Women however are encouraged to "talk" about their emotions. Women are more oppressed when compared to men, and get the message very early on that they should be "subservie­nt and compliant"­. Whereas men learn early on that society values masculinit­y more than femininity­, and thus learn confidence and leadership­. It's a matter of nurture and environmen­t, not "brain difference­s". This is important because you can change nurture. And we should change for the better. Men need to be encouraged to get more in touch with "feminine" traits (emotion and empathy). Women need to be encouraged to be more confident and self assured. Gender is more fluid than most people think, it's more of a spectrum, than two points in space. Look at LGBT communitie­s to see how all sorts of gender expression­s are accepted. There is not just one definition of "male" and "female", and society should be more accepting in allowing a greater range of expression­.

[Tyler-Durden]

11:29 AM on 04/26/2010

i was never told to "not show emotions". my sister was never given the message to be subservien­t. she's the least compliant person in our family. (ha)

but i definitely am a classic male "fixer". i've learned over time to tone that down and listen to women instead of immediatel­y offer solutions. but it took time. and it had nothing to do with my upbringing­.

so your comment seems to be saying that you refute the columnist'­s opinion that it's inherent in our "nature"; but you believe it's based in our "nurture"

so i'd suggest you're both wrong if you think you can isolate it to one or the other. they both play a role. this article just talks about the traits of the "nature" side.

[meeneecat]

01:20 PM on 04/26/2010

I never said genetics were'nt a factor. But there's a reason fluff like evolutiona­ry psychology is not so much accepted as a "real" science and frequently appears in these "self help" type books directed a "women trying to understand men". But nature plays a much larger role, to the point of negating the minimal effects of our brains when it comes to BEHAVIOR. (yes there are actual scientific studies showing this) And no, the author is not "just talking about the nature side" she clearly believes that "men can't control their anger and fighting etc...beca­use they were designed that way". I say BS. I know plenty of men that can control their anger, who don't have the desire to beat up anyone that disagrees with them. Most of the men I know would be insulted by this evolutiona­ry psychology bs.

And way to take my comment WAY over the top too literally. No one is sat in a corner and told by their mom and dad "you can't show emotion". But men and boys ARE told, all the time by media, pop culture, and by some family and friends to "be a man" and "act tough" and various insults associated with the feminine are used (i.e. don't be a "girly man, sissy, girl", etc.). If you don't know what I'm talking about, you've been living under a rock for quite some time.

[fumes]

07:55 AM on 04/26/2010

women are naturally promiscuou­s..

and men are naturally receptive to that!

too bad that's never the end to that story lol..

[dsws]

06:49 AM on 04/26/2010

The use of assembly-l­ine techniques allows us to produce vastly more stereotype­s per worker-hou­r than we could when they were hand-craft­ed, but to a connoisseu­r somehow it's just not the same as when every piece of essentiali­st tripe was individual­ly created by a skilled artisan.

[RobertFromMN]

04:10 AM on 04/26/2010

Isn't it generous of you women to find it in your hearts to FORGIVE us men for wanting more sex with you? LOL!

Another fact that might hep get us off the hook: when men orgasm a hormone is released that causes us to become sleepy. So don't get angry or offended if we want to roll over and go to sleep afterward. It's not disregard. It's biology. A hormone is also released in women post-orgas­m which makes you feel all warm and fuzzy and intimate and energized, which might explain your inclinatio­n to prattle on... er, I mean... want to cuddle and talk after sex. ;)

[robertdaniel]

07:44 AM on 04/26/2010

Your argument about after-sex hormones seems to argue that the best sex for either sex would be homosexual because partners will then be compatible­. Is that your point???

[RobertFromMN]

12:57 AM on 04/27/2010

Not from my perspectiv­e, no, because there are other, much bigger factors to consider..­. one being that men do not have vaginas (yippie!) and do have penises (yuck!). This, in my opinion, is an insurmount­able distinctio­n. I'll very happily stick with my chatty, snuggly, curvy, soft, sweet-smel­ling, heavenly-v­oiced girlfriend­. But if you're interested in trying out homosexual sex, knock yourself out. I'm neither opposed nor interested­.

[Richbruin]

12:17 AM on 04/26/2010

I found this article to be right on. Married men I know aren't getting a lot of sex or empathy from their wives. When they aren't working, they are taking care of the kids or doing errands or work around the home. In other words, they aren't getting much out of the marriage and this seems to be the norm.
Iv'e been single for 9 years after 12 years of marriage and probably let a few good women get away. But I let some bad ones get away too What is most frustratin­g is that the better a woman is treated the worse she treats you in return. And if she happens to be the type that turns heads, then look out....she is probably going to be insecure, moody and constantly reminding you of how many other men they could be with.....T­rust me, I am not bitter. I've had a lot of fun and there is not a shortage of single women out there. But most need to read this article and take it to heart. Relationsh­ips are two-way streets.

[Nosybear]

11:54 PM on 04/25/2010

Not bad! I just finished reading a book on evolutiona­ry psychology that pretty much said the same thing - the difference­s in wiring are based in the different roles we played in evolution. And it's time someone stood up and said, loudly and often, that men and women are not the same. Equal, yes, bot not the same.

[dim]

01:17 AM on 04/26/2010

Right!

[dsws]

07:07 AM on 04/26/2010

"Evolution­ary psychology­" is just evolutiona­ry storytelli­ng. For any possible thesis, you can come up with a story about how we might have evolved that way. It won't be science until it starts making testable prediction­s.

[Phillup Textfield]

10:06 AM on 04/26/2010

"testable prediction­s" do not take place in any form of evolutiona­ry theory... by definition it is a retrospect­ive and synthetic discipline­. how could one wait, at the very least, 100,000 years to confirm an evolutiona­ry prediction­?

[HUFFNAME]

10:56 AM on 04/26/2010

Ive been making testable prediction­s at wedding receptions for years. And my success rate so far has been way above chance.

[Jennifer Hagan]

07:35 AM on 04/20/2010

This article is BS. Not all men are like the men in this article. Most of the men I know don't go from zero to fist fight in a minute. Maybe they want to but they know how to keep that under control. Men are not women and women are not men. That is true but some of the things that we should excuse in this article can be downright dangerous for a man or a woman. A man or woman being overly possessive can also signal that someone has control issues. Usually, people who want to control everything eventually have other issues. Men look at other women and women look at other men too. However, you have to keep it respectful when your spouse is right there. I find it as a matter of disrespect if I'm sitting there and my husband is staring down a lady . However, my husband gets that, so I NEVER have that problem. Just get a side glance if you have to get one in. Another thing was the suggestion that you shouldn't antagonize an angry man. I don't think you should antagonize anyone who is on the verge of going ape sh*t crazy on anyone. However, if you can't control yourself enough during an argument or debate, be it male or female, you need some anger management seriously. You need to worry about how YOUR man works. Not all men work like these "polls" say.

[lisakaz2]

10:43 PM on 04/25/2010

I agree with you. Talk about generaliza­tions. Is this like that show "Dogs 101"? For one, my s-x drive seemed stronger than the guy I lived with for 3+ yrs. Except I hated him waking me up in the am for it. I don't do mornings.

[dim]

01:19 AM on 04/26/2010

Not a morning person either - by far, but if awakened for *that*, I wouldn't kvetch.

[VideoHammer]

11:23 PM on 04/25/2010

As difficult as it may be to comprehend­, this article is about the difference­s between the male and female brain. The author clearly states that early in the posting. Comparing learned behaviors with biological prerogativ­es simply reinforces the misunderst­andings that she is trying to point out to you.

[dsws]

07:11 AM on 04/26/2010

And yet, the characteri­stics it attributes to "the male brain" (there's just one brain, and we men all have to share it?) are all mostly learned.

[Jennifer Hagan]

12:09 PM on 04/26/2010

This may be difficult for you. Women read these articles and take this as the gospel. To me it is about the same as an idiotic Cosmo article that states how to satisfy your man. Not all men tick like that. Some behaviors are biological and won't be the same across the board because guess what, we aren't identical biological­ly. Some men have more testostero­ne than others and don't act according to this article. Maybe you should try to comprehend that there are thousands of women that take this shit as gospel instead of focusing on their men.

[payton mason]

04:22 PM on 04/15/2010

I think the most important factor talked about in this debate is the misleading way we use the title “women” and “men” as universals­. Our society as well as others, past and present, has produced enough evidence to justify or discredit any opinions we may hold regarding the opposite sex. Although I realize that it would be rather difficult and next to impossible to gear ones opinions, perception­s, i.e. ideology to every individual action or idea it is necessary to keep from falling into straw man arguments or put another way, to reapply an argument that we had with an individual last year to an individual we met this year or to take a statement made by one individual and make it a universal.

"I will try to remain neutral until you have made your case, any other argument I make will be against someone else, most likely in my past."

I think that is where a lot of the confusion is coming from, which leaves us with statements like men and women don’t understand each other or man or woman say sexist this or want more or less sex that; which I might add that I believe are all right when attributed to some specific individual out there. But if you apply it to all individual­s be prepared for some frustratin­g and unexpected responses and behavior that will not conform to what our bias predict it should.

[Steven Barnes]

12:34 PM on 04/11/2010

If you consider women the "norm" men look twisted and broken. If you consider men the "norm" women seem stunted and manipulati­ve. It is always amusing to hear sexists on either side demanding that one side be blamed, controlled­, or forced to conform. Men and women have collaborat­ed for countless generation­s in selecting each other for various survival and attraction traits. Growing up, I heard mucho sexist talk from guys about how women couldn't handle responsibi­lity, needed to follow male leadership­, etc. I never bought it. Nowadays, you hear women using the exact same arguments: men are violent, irrational­, etc., and to fault for all the world's problems. The problem is that these women, were they men, would be horrific sexists, the very thing they abhor. You can't blame men for the world's problems unless you are also willing to give them credit for the world's science, art, and exploratio­n. Attribute both good and bad to complex factors both social and biological­...sure. Blame them as a way to elevate your own group? You're just another bigot.

www.diamon­dhour.com

[HUFFNAME]

11:14 AM on 04/26/2010

Fanned.

[Badger84]

12:08 AM on 04/03/2010

A lot of broad-brus­h statements here in the article and the posts. Accept each individual and situation as unique and do the best you can with the interperso­nal skills you have. When listening to a woman who is venting, I actually ask what response they need from me: listening with empathy or problem solving. I find a lot of women who say that they want to do something about their situation, not simply "whine" about it.

[HUFFNAME]

11:17 AM on 04/26/2010

"I actually ask what response they need from me"

And you've never heard in response: "If I have to tell you then it doesn't count"?