True Confession: I Loved Having a Newborn

Here's what I want to know: Are happy new moms just lucky, or are we also a wee bit simpleminded?

These days, it seems like all the cool new parents complain -- bitterly and hilariously -- about having an infant. In memoirs, essays and blogs, they debunk the cruel myth of that blissful first few months with a cooing, snuggly bundle of joy. That's Hallmark-card hogwash, they say to their relieved readers, who find their honesty refreshing. These writers adore their kids, but let's get real, they write: A newborn means being in a 24/7 state of extreme worry and panic, plus crushing boredom, plus guaranteed post-partum depression and the most searing pain you can imagine when you attempt to breastfeed. Miracle, yes, but also...nightmare!

The latest book I read on this topic was American Parent, a memoir and cultural history by my neighbor Sam Apple. As Sam wrote wittily about the extreme terror and tedium of being a stay-at-home dad with a colicky kid, I laughed out loud. I also recently devoured the beautifully written parenting memoir Waiting for Birdy, by self-described "catastrophizer" Catherine Newman, laughing so hard at one point that the other people in my doctor's waiting room started edging away.

I have a shelf full of other great books that smash the oppressive myth of maternal bliss, like Mothers Who Think, Mommies Who Drink, The Bitch in the House and Perfect Madness. Never mind the many excellent blogs -- shout-out to my internet buddy Tertia Albertyn, author of the hysterical and heartbreaking infertility memoir So Close, who now writes lovingly but often crankily about her newborn and her 4-year-old twins on her popular blog.

There's one problem. I enjoy this kind of writing. It's funny. But I don't quite relate to it. At the risk of becoming America's Most Hated Mom, I have a confession to make: I actually loved having a newborn.

Sure, the kid woke me up every two hours. And he was a bit colicky until I quit eating dairy. But I expected that sort of thing. Perhaps because I helped raise younger siblings -- and because I'm not Type A in the slightest -- I wasn't freaked out at the idea of taking care of him. Breastfeeding was easy and painless from day one, a possibility that wasn't even presented in Parents magazine's March article, "How Women Really Feel About Breastfeeding." I didn't experience the baby blues. I wasn't bored at all -- I was delighted to be hanging out with my son. I was super-weak from loss of blood during delivery so we mostly couch-surfed, but once I got my strength back I put him in a sling and took him everywhere. I didn't care that I was behind in my housekeeping and failing to write the Great American Novel during maternity leave. I was just happy. Blissfully so, I'm afraid. It felt -- dare I say it -- pretty easy. (Now, his terrible twos were a different story.)

So--am I alone, here? I know I was extremely lucky to have a healthy, fairly easygoing baby instead of a screamer who couldn't latch on. And, having chosen to have my son as a single mom at the advanced age of 42 (full story in my book, Knock Yourself Up), I was perhaps extra thrilled to be holding him in my arms. But the more myth-shattering parenting horror stories I read, the more I wonder if I was truly alone in my bliss. The myths have been shattered so successfully, it's as if my enjoyable experience just isn't in the menu of options anymore. Was I just too stupid to be bored, too clueless to be worried, too bovine to struggle with breastfeeding? Or is it more that a purely happy new mom doesn't make a very interesting story?

Aren't there any of you out there who had a relaxed, happy, easy time of it when you had your first baby?

Louise Sloan, a Ladies' Home Journal editor, writes on being a mom at "Ladies' Lounge," a new group blog. She is also the author of Knock Yourself Up, a cross between memoir and reporting about the trend of women choosing to become single moms.

Comments

[Louise Sloan - Huffpost Blogger]

Hey, thanks everyone for your comments--I was surprised to see they were all positive. Glad to know I'm not the only one who felt that way!

[wietog]

There are things I loved, but a lot of stress. Here is how it can be easier:

Have people you ENJOY around to help you, such as friends and close relatives.
Have a great support network and resources.
Be prepared: clean and stock your house WELL in advance.
Research and get all the equipment you can in advance.
Train your husband to help out.
Forget trying to be productive.
Sleep WHENEVER the baby sleeps. No matter what.
Eat anything you want anytime. You will be ravenous and thirsty - like lost in the desert thirsty.
Have comfortable clothes, sleeping areas and chairs set up.
Set up all the baby stations for maximum efficiency and comfort.
Create a checklist of daily activities and accomplishments, even simple things should be listed such as taking a shower or taking the baby for a walk.
Have a lot of money.
And don't have a baby right before America's worst financial crisis.

[Renee Hodges]

I'm in agreement.­..I absolutely loved it when my kids were newborn.

Now breastfeeding was not painless but the pain only lasted a week or so and I knew it wouldn't last. I'm the type of gal who produced enough milk for an army so engorgement was an issue for me.

We co-sleep so having to wake every 2 hrs to feed wasn't a big deal. I remember when my daughter (my first babe) was around 6months she got in the habit of waking around 5a to feed but didn't want to lay right back down. I would take her into the living room and sit with her in the recliner with pillows propping us. We would settle in and both eventually fall asleep :))) Some of the best memories are snuggling up with a warm, snugly, nursing babe. Both of my little ones seemed to lose interest in nursing around 18months so it wasn't a big deal weaning b/c it was really done by them.

I took my babies every where, in wraps and backpacks.­..never used one of those plastic car seat carriers and loved every minute of it. Matter of fact, I have only been out to dinner 1 time in the past 5 years w/o the kids....se­riously.

I tell my kids, now 2 & 5, I'll miss them when they grow up.

[merluna]

If there is anything more delicious and physically and soul satisfying than taking care of a just-born baby than I do not know what it is. And why shouldn't it be? We are mammals, and loving and taking care of our babies is why the species is still alive. Of course there are hard moments but the truth of the matter is, if we allow ourselves to fall in love with our babies, to cater to their hungers and needs and smiles and cries, we are fulfilled in a way that nothing else can give us.
That's the way I felt after the birth of each of my four children so that is my experience.

[odyssey58]

You aren't the only one, Louise. I LOVED caring for a newborn! I had the luxury of staying home with him and I never felt bored. I loved breastfeeding. I never had the baby blues. At age 32 I felt ready to give myself to a child and I never resented it. My baby is almost 19 and he is an incredibly well adjusted and mature child. There were moments along the way when it wasn't perfect, but his infancy was wonderful.

[Shotgun Mary]

I'm one of those women who loved (and still loves) having an infant. My daughter is a little over four months old. I had a realtively easy pregancy. I had a homebirth that went according to plan and a baby that has nursed eaily from the beginning. There has been no mind numbing boredom, severe lack of sleep (I credit co-sleeping for that one!) or PPD. Yes there are times that I want to run away, but those are few and far between and generally involve the fouth change of clothes in an hour due to spit-up. We've had to make some serious sacrifices for me to stay home with her. Our finances have taken a big hit and if it weren't for family we'd be in a mess, however, every day I thank God that I'm able to stay home with her and enjoy the puking, spitting, crying, pooping, cooing, smiling, laughing, and snuggling that makes up our relationship. Everytime I think to myself "I can't wait until she grows out of this!" I in turn think about how one day, I'll be old and she'll be grown and have grandchildren of her own, and I'll long for those dayss when she laid snuggled on my chest, happily cooing to her hand, and puked all down my shirt.

And for those who think I'm looking on the past four months with rose colored glasses, here's my blog where I've been from the beginning http://soontobemothermary.blogspot.com