THE BLOG

Redefining Divorce: A Tribute to Family Through a Video Montage (Part 3)

05/07/2015 11:12 pm ET | Updated May 07, 2016

Come What May: A Video Montage in Song."
Monday, April 13 2015

First off, I want to say "Thank you" to all those who have reached out. Strangers, friends, people from all over the country and world have been sending the kindest and sweetest words. I had no idea. I (obviously) got his permission to do this, but I could never have expected this kind of response. We feel less alone in this journey. So again, I thank you.

To offer a laugh in a sad time....this is one of my favorite family videos. We mortified our oldest daughter singing Lisa Loeb's "Stay." (She secretly loves it.)

We are a music-obsessed singing family. Both Josh and I were natural born hams, attention seekers and not shy on any level. We both beam with pride that our daughter can sing better than both of us. (Which isn't saying much.) But she's pretty good.

We have had a kind of soundtrack to all the stages of our marriage. Most long car drives start out with dual movies on for the two girls. Then, without fail, Josh would toss the iPhone to me to "pick a song." As if on cue, I would fake disinterest and roll my eyes as if THIS would be the first time I don't sing a long.

Usually the song was of one of our standby albums: John Mayer (Where The Light Is), Tom Petty (Greatest Hits) or Fleetwood Mac (The Dance). Josh would start with some falsetto version. I would join in and then one by one the girls would pull off their earphones and start laughing hysterically. At this point, the baby would wake up and scream along too.

Josh had serious and squinted eyes and my wild seated dance moves were not really an act but our silly tradition. I will miss those trips. The moving incubator of our family of five packed tight and bright with love.

I tell people all the time that my writing has become my sanity. I usually "take the ugly, sad, dark thoughts and try to make them pretty, inspirational words." That's my process to process life. Tonight, I have no words. I'd rather share some memories of our life in song.

Our story is for us to write. People will judge or tell their versions but in our hearts we know who we are and we will keep building. At the end of an era, I am blessed beyond words. So I'll stop trying to use them tonight.

Life is finite. Time passes faster than you can truly comprehend the profound imprint people and stages will leave on your soul. I know and believe that we are going to stay close. I know this because we made a promise to cherish, love and be gentle to each other.

We were able to do so in the hardest, saddest, most challenging days past and we will keep doing it. I told the kids when we first informed them of our separation that WE WILL DEFINE what it means to OUR FAMILY.

From grief comes gratitude. From friendship and love between two college kids came:

Fifteen years of life lived
Twelve years of marriage
Three beautiful kids
Three houses
Eight apartments downtown
Six different cars (Josh!)
Two new sets of family for him (birth parents-found)
Over 7000 pictures, 1287 videos ( Thank you, Lulu)
Countless songs sung and a future filled with redefining "family" as we go.

Love big. Fight fair. Hug often. Record the life you live. Try Hard. Be Gentle.

And when you have tried everything and bent and folded and tried again, give yourself permission to write a new song together and sing it with your whole heart.