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The Day I Unleashed My Inner Vixen

Posted: 10/05/10 02:52 PM ET

Recently I began writing a book about my personal experience with weight loss. It was such an amazing experience that I had to share it with others who have also struggled with emotional eating and obesity. I work as an Admissions Representative at a university. It's a stressful job with long hours sitting behind a desk. I'm married with one son, own a house with a two-car garage and have a dog, named Charley.

Here's my story: After nine years of working at the school, the hours grew longer and my butt grew wider. I got to the point where I found myself grossly overweight and deeply depressed. Then one Memorial Day a few years back, the depression turned to despair when I saw a photo of myself on the beach. I was humiliated and disgusted with what I saw. I remember falling to the floor and sobbing. How could I have let myself get this way? I was successful in all other areas of my life; why wasn't I successful at losing weight? That day I started searching inwardly for an answer; Later that week the answer came while at work.

I had asked my assistant to do a project for me. She said she couldn't because she was scheduled to go to the gym for a class. When I asked her where she worked out, she suddenly became very quiet and shy. She seemed almost embarrassed to tell me. After pressing her further, she eventually pulled up their website to show me. She was going to a pole-dance fitness class! It was at a women's-only alternative fitness center called Vixen Fitness. I was intrigued. How cool was that!

After she left my office I shut the door and picked up the phone to call them. I set up a private lesson. At my weight, I wasn't very comfortable with the idea of dancing on a pole in front of a bunch of other women. That private lesson was a pivotal moment in my life. The girl on the phone was very helpful and sweet. When she told me to put on shorts and wear high heels for my lesson I thought I was going to die! However, I did as instructed. To help set the mood, I brought in Bon Jovi's "Slippery When Wet."

You see the 80's were my decade when I was healthy, happy and single. Those were the days of the hair metal bands and Tawney Kitaen was the video vixen. So I thought it would be fun to rock out to a few 80's tunes. Little did I know that this lesson would change my life the way it did.

The lights dimmed down and the song went on as I followed the instructor through the routine. After just a few minutes swinging around that pole and letting my hair down I had a sense of freedom that I hadn't felt in years. I looked in the mirror and didn't see the fat girl that was in the beach photo earlier that week. I saw a beautiful, sensual woman that I hadn't seen in 20 years. I saw the person that I really was: beautiful, loving, strong, and sensual. It was an epiphany.

The woman that I longed to be was staring at me right there in the mirror. She was my inner vixen. And I did not want to let her go. After years of running around between work and my son's sports practices, cooking and cleaning, and everything else that goes along with day-to day living, I realized that I had put my own needs and desires last on the to-do list. I made a decision that day to be the woman I desire to be. What I discovered was that the fat was not the problem. It was the result of not loving myself. Once I learned how to be true to myself the weight just started coming off. That day I set a plan in motion to dress like her, walk like her, talk like her, think like her and be like the confident and sexy woman that I knew I was.

Since then I have lost most of my weight and am enjoying the journey to my desired size. I will be blogging about the progress of my book, the progress of my weight loss, and a few other thoughts along the way. I'll also be giving tips on what I've done to help reach my goals. Through my blog I hope to inspire and give hope and also hear stories of other women who have experienced finding their inner vixen too. Until next time, Love, Hugs and Pink Lipstick Kisses!