06/06/2009 05:12 am ET Updated Nov 17, 2011

Ask Maddisen: How to Greatly Improve Your Life

Dear Maddisen:
I've been experiencing one hardship after another, and I just don't understand why I'm being punished like this. The whole world is a mess and just seems to be getting worse. I'm a good person with a lot of integrity, so why is this happening to me? Please help.
Signed, WB

Dear WB,

Thank you for this loaded question, which fortunately, also happens to be loaded with all of the answers. I say your question holds the answers, because it clearly shows how we can use our mind and our thoughts to perpetuate our difficulties. I'm here to tell you that you actually have dominion over your thoughts, your perception of events, and your attitude; AND that what you continue to focus on will continue to grow.

I'll assume that you'd rather experience something more like satisfaction, success, optimism, and responsibility in experiencing a life you desire and choose. So, let's point You and your miraculous & flexible mind into THAT direction, and start practicing more life-supporting habits. Because what you focus on will grow!

First, I'll share a theory that will hopefully explain why it is necessary and potentially beneficial for you to be experiencing this issue.

The "Nature of Nature" theory is my personal theory, which suggests that because we Humans are part of Nature, or more accurately because we ARE Nature, we are impacted and formed by our life experiences in much the same way non-human forms of Nature are impacted and formed. Take mountains, for example. Mountains are formed when two earth plates press against each other until the land is lifted and folded over itself. One plate pushes on top of the other, and as one plate slides downward into the earth, it begins to melt. The melted rock rushes upward along cracks and weak spots, bursting out as fiery volcanoes, which over time, become mountains. We could "perceive" this as a very violent and destructive series of events, but on the contrary, most of us "perceive" this as an awe-inspiring creative miracle. Nature grinds, burns, and thrusts these beauties above ground and into breathtaking forms for all to marvel at and enjoy.

And so it is with human experience. Except that we are impacted and formed by each other and by our environments and experiences! It starts with our parents or those who raise us, and continues with our siblings or roommates, teachers, strangers, colleagues, significant others, friends, foes, our environments, and basically everyone and every experience we come in direct or indirect contact with.

Obviously, some relationships and experiences bring joy and some bring pain. But the reason for ALL experience is to INSPIRE MORE LIFE. Imagine how it would feel if you looked at every non-desired or painful situation as healthy resistance training, making you stronger and even more effective in propelling yourself into more of what gives you joy and satisfaction. Imagine using adversity to clarify what you DON'T WANT, in service of moving into what you DO WANT.

As adults, we have a choice. We have dominion over our attitudes, our inner choices and our outer choices. We are NOT victims. We can choose to focus on what is not working and look all around to find proof of that, and feel discouraged, and maybe even feel bitter and give up, OR we can remember that we are Nature, and that any adverse experience is an opportunity to thrust ourselves up toward the Light of hope and renewed life, moving closer to and even landing in the realities we prefer.

So, now that you've learned the value of transforming misfortune into fortune, or lemons into lemonade (!), I'll teach you how to let go of non-serving thoughts and how to redirect your thoughts and actions toward life experiences that serve and inspire.

Please note, dear WB, that the overall change you seek will require your loving commitment and may take you some time, practice, and patience; or it could happen in a flash! Also, your results might be expedited and enhanced with additional support from a Life Coach. Regardless, know that you are on the road to a happier and more fulfilling life simply because you asked the question.


If you'd like support in releasing negative thoughts or ideas that that seem to be getting in your way, try this simplified and slightly modified version of the Sedona Method, which is taught by Hale Dwoskin as inspired by Lester Levenson.

Step 1
Focus on the issue you would like to feel better about, and notice your feelings as you focus on it.

Step 2
Ask yourself, "Could I accept that I have this feeling?"

Step 3
Ask yourself, "Am I willing to let it go?"

Step 4
a) Ask yourself, "When?"

b) This is your invitation to respond, "Now!"

You may find yourself easily letting go.

Step 5
Repeat steps 1-4 as needed, until you feel complete. Sometimes for Step 1, I grab hold of a pen or some small object, and use it to represent the issue or undesired thought or feeling, and then when I get to Step 4b, I drop it like a hot potato! Try that.


After you let go of the thoughts or situations that no longer serve your highest good, you now have the delicious task of focusing on and filling your life with what you DO desire. Remember, what you focus on will grow. It's human Nature. Here's one simple approach to bringing forth your desired realities.

Step 1 - Define it, State it
Write down what you want. State it aloud. Always tag your statement with, "This or something better for my highest joy and the highest joy of all." Now, your order is placed and in the process of being filled!

Step 2 - See it, Feel it, Grow it
Close your eyes and visualize or imagine yourself experiencing the situation you desire. Go for details, and engage all your senses. Be aware of the positive or inspired 'feelings' you are having as you imagine this. Fully enjoy these feelings and sensations. If any mental judgments try to come in, just let them float by like clouds in the sky, and continue enjoying your vision and the wonderful feelings. Those feelings ARE the feelings you desire, and they MATCH the vibration of your NEW REALITY. What you're focusing on is growing.

Step 3 - Feed it, Live it, Enjoy it
While visualizing and imagining your desired reality, you may receive inspired pictures, words, or ideas that support its creation or construction. So, keep a pad of paper nearby and write down this information as it comes or after you've completed the visioning.

TRUST your visions and ideas, and take inspired actions from this place. Let go of any attachment to forcing, and be aware of WHERE the desired results are showing up in your life and WHO is showing up to collaborate with or support you. Be open to support and know that you do not have to do this alone. Start noticing what is working and what is going well in your life. Notice how the more you are focusing on your inspired desires, and visualizing them in the now, and trusting this, the more they are becoming your reality.

Practice these steps consistently, for example, 10-15 minutes per day. Do it before you go to sleep or first thing in the morning. Be lovingly committed and focused on your heartfelt desires.

Remember, you are in control of what you choose to think about, and what you focus on will grow.

Also, choose your company wisely, meaning the people you surround yourself with. Thankfully, as you change into a more positive feeling person, the people around you may change as well, and you may find negative people falling away and positive people coming closer. Not everyone may understand your change, meaning some may criticize or disapprove, and at first your mind may even get noisier in an attempt to maintain the old status quo. Don't be discouraged. Instead use all of this to inspire and propel you into the experiences you prefer. This is the Nature of Nature! Also, continue to practice Self Forgiveness, as you learned about in my earlier column.

And so, dear WB, I leave you with this simple and powerful quote from Abraham Hicks: "You don't have to go where you don't want to be to get where you want to be. You can go from where you are to where you want to be." Start now! Release what no longer serves your highest joy, and then FOCUS ON AND LEAN INTO your heartfelt desires! Become the person you have been waiting for! That is my wish for all. And so it is!

Your Life Coach, Maddisen

You may submit your questions for ASK MADDISEN at