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Is Your Lover a Dream or a Nightmare?

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Here's a question from a reader:

Dear Maddisen, I keep picking the wrong guys. They're like my worst nightmares come true! How can I stop doing this?

Whether you're a man or a woman, hooking up with someone who feels like your dream come true can be a challenge, a journey and a mystery! But I believe, and my experiences are showing me, that we definitely have the ability to be more in control of what we experience in life, and more specifically, what kind of people and love partners we attract.

Remember, we are all influenced by our interactions with others and our environments. We consciously and unconsciously use these interactions to form our thoughts, feelings, attitudes about life, and default behavior patterns. Our negative experiences have the potential to teach us the most, and to fuel us forward into happier and more fulfilling lives.

Abraham-Hicks refers to negative experiences as "contrast," and suggests that our job is to use our contrasting experiences to clarify what we do not want, so that we can then define, focus on, and manifest what we do want. There is life changing power in this philosophy and approach.

It sounds like you are ready to get out of the trunk and into the driver's seat, and to do so, you must get clear about what you do want, and then practice thoughts, feelings, and actions that support what you want. Taking control of your own life and changing from the inside is the most empowering and effective way to experience changes on the outside. Your intentions and the energy those intentions emit out into the world will tend to attract people and experiences with similar intentions and energy.

Attract the Love You Desire
Here's a simple and powerful exercise for women and men:

Step 1:
Write down all of the qualities you are seeking in your man or woman. Be specific and try to think of everything that's important to you.

Step 2:
Realize that your intention should also be to embody or practice embodying all or many of these qualities yourself if you expect to attract your someone with the same qualities.

Step 3:
Read the full list of qualities every day for at least 32 days. Don't rush this, but instead, take your time to read your list with feeling.

Step 4:
From this list of qualities, pull several of the most important or potent qualities, and write them on a post-it. Post this on your bathroom mirror, by your bed, on your computer, or anywhere you might scan it during your day. I say scan and not necessarily read the post-it's, because this will be a good way to reprogram your unconscious.

The View from the Driver's Seat
Start noticing the types of men or women you're attracting, interacting with, and considering as a potential partner. Has anything changed after your 32 day practice of focusing on what you want in a partner?

From the driver's seat, realize that you can use your past negative or undesired experiences with lovers to clarify what you desire going forward. Set an intention to hook up with a companion who matches or aligns with your list of desired qualities. If you're using or considering the use of a dating service, perhaps wait until you've completed this 32 day process, and then launch your search.

May your journey into loving, healthy, and compatible relationships align with your dreams.

Your Life Coach,
Maddisen

You may submit questions to lifecoach@krown.us. Let us hear your thoughts -- include your comments below.

Copyright 2011 Maddisen K. Krown

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