Women and Leadership: How to Find a Mentor

Now that 2011 is well under way, many of us are making and breaking resolutions -- trying to figure out how we can be the best version of ourselves for 2011. The word "reinvention" keeps popping up, especially in conversations with women who want to move into leadership positions in their work. The economic meltdown has eliminated many jobs, ramped up the competition among qualified people and, in general, made it more urgent than ever to find that competitive edge. Both business and government would benefit from more women in leadership positions. Studies show us that profitability improves when women take on positions of leadership in companies. So what tools can best help women move ahead?

Enter the mentor

A mentor can show you how to ramp up your skill-sets, network effectively and work around or eliminate your weaknesses. They can even open some very important doors to leadership positions.

But how do you find that all-important mentor? Do you stay in your limited circle, hoping your parents, friends or co-workers might "know someone" and put in a good word for you? Or can you yourself have the audacity to reach out to someone you truly respect and admire and ask him or her (in some compelling way) to help you learn, improve and move forward?

In my experience as an entrepreneur, trend-spotter and author of several books (including "Influence: How Women's Soaring Economic Power will Transform Our World for the Better"), I have had the good fortune to benefit from a number of incredible mentors, who have had great mentors themselves. The main reason they were willing to give me a boost up the ladder of success was simply this: I asked!

Of course, I also did my homework. I learned about their education, their path to success, their past work experience and even the nonprofits to which they contributed their time and/or money. In better understanding their interests, I could make my remarks and questions both respectful and authentic.

Aim high and don't be intimidated

When searching for a mentor, the first thing you should keep in mind is that no leader is "too important" to be your mentor. Don't put limits on your list of potential mentors by assuming someone is too busy, too high up or too inaccessible. Like the gorgeous model that no one asks out on a date because they assume she is not interested, often the leaders who are seemingly "too busy" do not get as many requests as you might expect. And they are often the very ones who want the opportunity to give back through helping someone just like you.

Keep in mind that mentoring comes in all sizes, shapes and durations. It doesn't have to take the form of mentoring we often conjure up in our minds, in which we meet with someone for an hour each week, face-to-face. Maybe it's a Skype video conference once a month with someone on the other side of the globe. Or perhaps it's one potent walk-and-talk in the park, tagged onto a business trip or vacation to another city. Mentoring, really, is just learning what you can from someone more experienced and savvy who you admire and respect.

And remember that asking is a gift. I have learned firsthand that the knowledge and acumen that leaders have gained over the years is almost always something they want to share. It helps complete the circle and populate their profession and industry with new blood; it also leaves them feeling like they are making a purposeful contribution to the future of their profession, their company and even the world. In a nutshell, it helps them leave a legacy.

So while it is important to keep an open mind about who could be an excellent mentor, you should also consider these suggestions and tips as you begin your search:

• Be bold, be gracious. After you figure out who you'd like to ask to be your mentor and do your due diligence on that individual, you've got to ask them. This can be scary, but you will never get your mentor without asking. Find a way to ask that person that appeals to their ego, intelligence and good will. Help them to know that you understand who they are and how they got to where they are. At the same time, provide them with a feel for who you are in a way that might draw them in and want to consider mentoring you.
• Try different avenues. Emailing someone is relatively easy today, but a handwritten letter may make you stand out more. Once you know a lot about the person, consider the best method of contact -- email, a letter or even, if appropriate, a direct message on Twitter or Facebook. Also, if you have something thoughtful you can send as a gift (e.g. a book you believe that person might like, a magazine article, etc.) include it as a gesture of respect.
• If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again. Like many things in life, you have to reach out to many to find the one. If one attempt doesn't work out, don't give up. The most successful professionals in the U.S. have or have had a mentor and many of them did exactly what you are attempting to do -- so they may well want to "pay it forward." Don't let any negative self-talk discourage you and rob you of what could be a rich opportunity to take your career -- and your life -- to the next level.

Remember what the great Virgil said: "Fortune favors the bold." What was true in 29 B.C. is just as relevant today.

Good luck!

 

 

 

Follow Maddy Dychtwald on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@GoInfluence

Comments

[TheRose]

01:42 PM on 01/28/2011

A pilot program intended to capitalize on "enriching students' experiences through mentoring" and is derived from school research "that shows grouping black students by gender with a strong role model can help boost their academic achievement and self esteem," according to a statement from McCaskey East High School in Lancaster PA

"Educators immediately noticed strong bonds being formed between all students and mentor teachers," the statement said.
Reports from the students themselves say they like it and can feel the difference even those who are critical want to call it segregation, the students do not feel like this all as it has such positive results !
http://www.cnn.com/2011/US/01/27/pennsylvania.segregation/index.html?hpt=Sbin

[TheRose]

08:28 AM on 01/27/2011

What a wonderful story and mission Patrick Roden ! I am in the land of retirees in Fl and have always been shocked at the WASTE of ENERGY retirees have , sitting doing nothing. Living for their bodies falling apart and sharing their Ailment and Doctor WAR stories with each other as their only conversation to have.. We in the end pay for this with medicare and social security etc.

They have lot's of money and time but spend it all on drugs and medical procedures they do not need if were in control of selves and lives.. Meaning PRESENT IN REAL TIME WITH LIFE..
They have resigned selves to the stupor of Fantasy TV and rich food and drink gives them rather then Actualizing Participating in Reality

" Relationships" " Engagement" creates the ying yang of Polarity that gives Life !
Only everyone hides in Fear...Afraid of embracing self and therefore unable to embrace others.

It is not a case of people not wanting to do anything...It is a case of the channels of awareness and education are not there. Mentoring is a excellent way for elders to share their knowledge and rejuvenate themselves in return. I am sending my local paper your website and info to publish..
http://www.2young2retire.com/tenways.html

[Careerbright]

05:16 PM on 01/26/2011

Hi Maddy, loved your article.
I feel it is on the must-do list for a career woman to seek mentors and continue to do so throughout their career. As you say here from a mentor's perspective too - it is a complete satisfaction that through mentoring they feel they have contributed purposefully.
Career women- add it to your list of to-do items this year - find the right mentor and see your career moving successfully onwards!
-Shweta @Careerbright

[Maddy Dychtwald]

06:08 PM on 01/26/2011

Thanks, Shweta. I really appreciate your comments. There have been studies that demonstrate that men are better at this mentoring process than women. We've got to show the guys that we can do this and do it well!

[TheRose]

04:40 PM on 01/26/2011

Mentoring appears as a way to solve this dilemma by Media writer Diane Mermigas "It behooves conference planners/ hosts to think outside their comfort zones of friendly industry contacts and reach beyond the buddy system to consciously show...case female executives and experts who can lend their unique voices and passions to the tattered front line conversation".
Where are the women on digital media's main stage?
www.trueslant.com
What’s wrong with this picture? Of the 19 featured speakers at All Things Digital’s celebrated D8 conference this week, only one is a woman – NPR President and CEO Vivian Schiller. If you count Kara Swisher, who co-hosts the west coast gathering of media elite with Wall Street Journal tech guru Wal

[TheRose]

04:38 PM on 01/26/2011

Wow Maddy ~ Forget how simple it is ~ Just ASK !! Mentoring does have to take a lead in creating the opportunity we all deserve ! I am very excited to find this Whole Business Review devoted to Woman !You should all enjoy this Business Review by Commonwealth Financial
as it has a gorgeous cover and the issue is all about Woman in Business and Need for more etc..." Woman Shoulder more financial responsibility. Are we prepare for this significant demographic shift"
The CEO's ( Male) editorial to this magazine a wonderful uplift !

Posted on 2020 Women on Boards http://www.facebook.com/2020WOB www.2020womanonboard.com
2020 Women on Boards Commonwealth Business Review - check out page 8 for a great article on Stephanie Sonnabend and 2020 Women on Boards! http://bit.ly/hk1VCo
November/December 2010 CBR
bit.ly Commonwealth Financial is #1 company for woman to work for in Boston and #2 Company to work for overall in Boston according to Boston Globe Poll..

[Maddy Dychtwald]

07:22 PM on 01/26/2011

Thanks for sharing this. The Women on Boards issue is a big one that we need to draw more attention to, especially since adding women to boards improves profitability for companies.

[christopherscotttaylor]

03:29 PM on 01/26/2011

From my personal and professional experience, Maddy hits the bulls eye with her article. In the new economy, any edge that one can create can be of enormous help in career advancement. And I believe she is correct that more and more potential mentors are looking for ways to give back, but many go unnoticed because there's a tendency to think that the mentor "just won't have the time for me." I would add to her comments that the more personal one makes the approach, from a position of strength and power but also being authentically respectful, the more successful one is likely to be.

[Maddy Dychtwald]

03:53 PM on 01/26/2011

I think you're right, Chris. It's important to be positive as well as authentic and respectful. It's amazing how people will make time for those in whom they see potential. Be sure that a mentor candidate gets the opportunity to see your potential.

[Patrick Roden]

12:08 PM on 01/26/2011

We seem to be headed towards a feminized gerontocracy with many older women who can provide mentorship--don't over look the elderly woman at the bus stop...She may be holding the secret to "The Grandmother Hypothesis" (see: http://tiny.cc/dp0ko).
I got Maddy's book, useful insights for the boomer market and this emerging feminized gerontocracy.

Thanks.

[Maddy Dychtwald]

07:23 PM on 01/26/2011

Thank You! Since women outlive men, I think women will be pioneering the longevity revolution. I look forward to reading this article and hope others do as well.